To ask when it will feel easier?

[Daisies00]

I’m a first time mum to baby DD who is 2 weeks old. I absolutely love her to bits, very much longed for baby. She slept very well at first and was doing 2.5-3 hour chunks and I thought I was smashing it. However, over the past couple of days she is only sleeping 1.5 hours tops at a time, if that. It’s really impacted how overwhelmed and emotional I feel.

I do experience a touch of SAD anyway with the dark nights rolling in but feel like it is very much intensified this year. We try and get out in daylight hours for a walk as I always feel so much better for fresh air, but I still feel really fed up by the time 3pm comes around.

I am lucky to have a lot of family support which makes me feel worse for feeling this way. I’ve not had to touch any housework since baby has been born thanks to my mum and we have a freezer stash of meals that we can heat up which my sister kindly made for us. Loads of new parents have it much worse than us and just get on with it, so I don’t know why I can’t be more resilient and take everything in my stride a bit more

DH has been fab and really taken to being a dad. He has done all the night time nappies so far, cared for me when I got an infection several days PP and insists on taking baby for a while every afternoon so I can have a nice shower and some time for a bit of self care. I expected the early days would be tough on our marriage but it’s actually been the opposite and we’ve never got on better (so far).

He has another week off work which is really fortunate, but he’s a shift worker - I’m really anxious about how I will manage the nights on my own when he goes back. He does several nights in a row.

Sorry if this doesn’t flow very well (operating on not much sleep thanks to a very intense couple days of cluster feeding, barely had 30 mins between feeds for 24 hours) but I just wondered when things will feel more manageable. Everything seems daunting right now - taking her out on my own, driving with her, managing to cook and eat while DH is at work, maintain the house and keep the wheels turning… the thought of it is sending me into a bit of a spin

I will just manage, won’t I?

Bump!

Congratulations on your new baby. She sounds like a typical new born baby. They don't know the difference between night and day yet and their tummies are so small that they get hungry quicker. So need feeding more often. Just keep night time dark and quiet and they will soon start to get the hang of it.

Hey

you are in the thick of it as the baby is in the fourth trimester - the baby needs to be close to you and their tummy is tiny so they feed often and wake often. And yes taking them out in these early days can feel daunting

but things change very quickly

so yes there will always be different challenges as the kids grow up but things will start to become easier in many ways after this short period

most important thing for you right now is simply to take each day as it comes - it can feel quite relentless now and so you just need to survive each day as best you can and ask for support however you can

One day in the not distant future - you will realise that baby hasn’t fed as many times or has slept better than you expecred and you will be able to take baby to classes our out to the park (or wherever) as you wish

its really quite unbelievable how quickly baby changes in these first few months

To be blunt – you will manage because you have to! There is no other choice. BUT the hard bits aren't forever AND you aren't alone. Are there any mum groups you can join? I had twins so sleeping was non-existent for months and going out was extremely difficult unless I had another adult with me, so even a WhatsApp group of other supportive mums available to message day or night was very comforting. Ask for help – don't try not to, just make yourself ask for whatever you need from those willing.

Do you feel you may be suffering from PND or PNA? Reach out to services if you're concerned about that and they can assess you.

Thank you. Thankfully I have got this and it does really help having other mums to speak to.

I’m mindful of PND/PNA but it’s quite early still, two weeks through / sleep deprived and recovering from postpartum infection which had us back in hospital

When a baby is feeding that frequently I would try a couple of things: firstly look at your food intake and maybe up your carbs and fluid. You’re using a lot. Then consider if your baby is ‘snacking’. By that I mean feeding for a short while on one or both breasts? If she is she will be getting a lot of foremilk and less hind milk. The hind milk is what keeps them going longer between feeds.

To encourage her to get that all important hind milk you could try just feeding from one breast at each feed. Or at least keeping her on one side a decent amount of time. If she’s falling asleep try changing her nappy to get her interested again.

Lastly, and this is probably controversial on here, try and put her down while she is awake. Then when she stirs she knows where she is and will be more likely to resettle herself.

Youll be fine, it is exhausting but I did all of the above a lifetime ago and they were on the whole great sleepers.

It gets progressively easier I promise. It’s so bloody hard and it hits you like a truck. The sleeping ebbs and flows, utilise support and also talk to your MW or HV if you have any concerns. Thats what they’re there for!

Also you’re recovering from an infection and pushing a whole baby out your body. Not enough is made of how hard birth is to recover from so take it easy and do naff all!

Please also remember you have an absolute tonne of hormones rushing around at the moment which will be contributing to how you are feeling.

Could your mum perhaps stay over for the first night or two that your husband is working late? This is what my mum did, and just knowing she was there even though she didn't actually need to do anything really helped my anxiety.

Try and get a nap during the day when someone else is watching baby too, this helped me in the first few weeks.

You should notice a big change in the next 3-4 weeks x

I don’t think there is any way to understand in advance just how much of an upheaval a new baby is - it completely pulls you inside out and you feel like you’ll never feel normal and comfortable again.

There isn’t necessarily a specific time when things will get easier, but they will. By 6 weeks you will have found a bit of a rhythm. Between 12 and 24 weeks your baby should start sleeping a little better. She will get more engaging and rewarding all the time.

You're in the middle of the biggest upheaval of your life just now but I promise it won’t always feel this way ♥️

Hiya - mine is 10w old now and sounded a lot like yours, I found 2-4 weeks hardest with both my babies, as the initial shock/adjustment has worn off and you’re just staring down a barrel thinking “is life always like this?” I promise it isn't. Even a few days here and there can mean big differences in amount they’re eating/sleeping. Just try and concentrate on each day and try not to get yourself too anxious about when will it change, as it will do really really soon and you just have to get there! Best of luck

Is that “30 mins between feeds” all the time? Because if so that sounds extremely intense, yes I’d expect that during a cluster but that’s normally limited to like a six hour period in the evening or something? Is the latch good?

I’m 4 weeks in so therefore in the thick of it and yes, you do just get on with it.

My husband is back at work and out of the house 9am - midnight every day and I’ve had to crack on.

You realise you can function without sleep which I find baffling as I was a solid 8 hour needer before and I think it’s important to force yourself to do the things that worry you - I need to practice what I preach on that one!

Oh darling It does get easier I promise. You are in survival mode at the moment . It is bloody hard and absolutely relentless at this stage. We’ve all been there even those who make it look easy. I can remember going out with my husband to practice using the car seat and the pram because I felt so scared of doing on my own. Your feelings are totally normal and it all gets easier in time. xx

Thank you. Tbh she put a pound on from her birthweight by day 10, midwives said she was gaining weight really fast and discharged us. Plenty of nappies too almost at every feed so think maybe she just has fast digestion?

Everyone is so kind, really appreciate all your comments it makes it feel less lonely

1lb weight gain is amazing OP! She may just be very hungry.

If you want to EBF then more power to you but please don’t hesitate to give formula tip ups if you’re flexible about the ‘exclusive’ part. Your exhaustion has its limits.

And it gets easier. One minute they’re 2 weeks old and you’re a walking zombie the next they’re 11 and you’re an embarrassment, apparently 😭

I can sympathise with that. I ended up back in hospital after a week with one of my twins who was jaundice, for another week. I cried a lot. Is your DH supportive?

I found the 2 week mark to be when things got hard to be honest. In the beginning, you have all that adrenaline, happiness etc and then when things really hit home, it becomes harder. You are also in a lot of sleep debt and are not catching up.

I have a 3 month old and it's just up and down tbh. Take each day as it comes. Every few weeks, you get a small incremental improvement.

You are not alone.

It sounds like you are doing brilliantly for someone 2 weeks into newborn baby madness! You will be great when your partner goes back to work.

To be honest the first few weeks/months were a bit of a blur when I had my kids. I used to hate going to bed at night as I knew that I’d be awake all night. One of my friends said it was a game changer when you got 4 hours sleep in a row, and I thought to myself “they will never sleep for 4 hours in a row”, a few weeks later they did and it was.

Also the raging hormones are normal. Tears to joy and back again in seconds in my case. I wanted to regain some semblance of life and of me really quickly. It takes a while though and now I can see that that is OK.

Babies change quickly, sleep changes quickly, and normal is just what has happened over the last 2 days.

In short, try not to worry too much about what is round the corner. Focus on enjoying the now and making sure you can maximise sleep when you can. Can you go to bed earlier, nap during the day, co-sleep perhaps (after having spoken to your health visitor), ask your partner if he can look after your little one for a few hours stretch before or after work so you can get some uninterrupted sleep, could your Mum pop by and babysit whilst you sleep, use one of those cots that attaches to the bed?

Wishing you lots of luck. I think you will ace it! xx

Well done op! It is really tough. At that age my boy was cluster feeding midnight til 5am. It was brutal. He never slept alone so we coslept until he was 5 months. It is hard for every mum, no matter what support you have around you, so don’t compare yourself to others. It is just hard! Hold onto the sweet moments. I just kept thinking one day he won’t want milk anymore, one day he won’t want a cuddle anymore, so with each moment I tried to enjoy it as a very short-lived experience. It is absolutely not forever, and you will sleep again!!

They say the first six weeks are the worst, and that things improve again at 12 weeks. Every baby is different though.

My first baby I felt awful for about the first four months and didn't feel human until about 9 months. Looking back I probably did have some PND and anxiety but it was also just the sheer relentlessness of it and all the adjustments to everything. I also put a lot of pressure on myself to do things 'right' and worried a lot about every little problem. My baby was demanding, didn't sleep, never wanted to go to sleep and had reflux. My memories are quite hazy now thankfully 😂

Second baby I/we adjusted better and more quickly as I knew that everything was a phase and it would get better! There was a lot less to worry about. Baby was a lot more chilled out and I made full use of the time to watch a lot of Netflix and sit on the sofa and eat cake.

It's tough. It's relentless. But one day you'll realise that you slept for more than two hours and you'll smell the top of their head while they sleep on you and all will be right with the world xxx