To not attend the birthday party

[Gownsandteas]

DS has been invited to a birthday activity from a boy in his class. I confirmed the invitation with the parent but then she asked for a certain amount of money for the activity. I thought this was odd but as it was a small amount, I paid. But I knew the children were going out for dinner after the activity- so just in case, I asked the parent if parents have to pay for the children's meal. She said "Yes". I had to pay for the activity, the birthday present and now the food?!! AIBU to let DS miss the birthday activity and skip the food. I don't enough funds to do the birthday food AND the birthday present. AIBU?

How old are they and what is the activity? I think the friends parent should've been upfront with the costs regardless tbh.

Birthdays are expensive, I would have expected food to be provided or for it to say on the invitation if not.

I would be honest with the parent that it's out of your budget and ask for the money back for the activity.

If I could afford it and my kid wanted to go, I’d pay.

If you can't afford the meal then no I definitely wouldn't send them to the activity, especially if everyone will be going for food afterwards.

The parent sounds ridiculously tight though it's not exactly a party if all your guests have to pay for the activity and for something to eat!

She's just told you she can't afford it?

As you can’t afford it, YANBU.

How very strange!
She should have mentioned this in the invitation. Why host a activity party if she cant afford it?

If my child was very excited about it I would probably pay and let him go so he doesn’t miss out and give a very tiny gift to birthday child.

I misread the end - I thought she was asking for peoples opinion on them asking for money. If she can’t afford it I’m not sure what the question is, obviously he just cant go?

YANBU the parents shouldn’t host a party they can’t afford to pay for. I would never dream if asking invited guests to pay for activities or food.

How old are the kids? If primary then yes odd for the parents not to pay for the whole thing. But at secondary it is more common for a child to ask friends if they want to do XYZ for his birthday but for everyone to pay for themselves

You've already paid for the activity so he should definitely go. If you can't pay for the food don't feel bad at all. They shouldn't be 'hosting' a party if they aren't willing to pay for it

We already paid for the activity. The child is 14 but has a disability.

Host a party you can afford! Birthday kids mum has an absolute bloody cheek!!

even as I was in secondary school I never (knowingly) went to a party where we had to pay for the food/event and never when hosting a party were the guests charged for any of it.
I even went to a couple of concerts and friends parents paid for the ticket (took own money for food/merch but the invite was to the concert)
I would have thought if they cant afford to host the party for x amount of people they wouldn't have invited x amount?

I think this is more usual as teens yes - though I'd still pay for who my child invites at that age.

If you can't afford food AND gift, does that mean you could afford just the food? And then give something small, if anything, as a gift.

I was just going to get a card and a gift. But leave for the food.

It is too late. I already paid and DS is already excited. I'm just going to attend the activity but a birthday gift and leave the food.

It’s incredibly cheeky to send invites out and then ask for money afterwards. Fine of you want to have a get together and are upfront but otherwise it’s not fair to assume everyone can or wants to pay for everything. Tbh OP I think you’s be fine to ditch the dinner.

If it's a choice between a present and him joining in with the food bit then I'd do the food part and just give the kid a card.

I wouldn't want my child to be the one leaving knowing everyone else was going to eat and carry on the party.

If the mother dared to raise the lack of gift then tough. She can't expect presents for her kid when she's putting zero effort into actually hosting a party that all the guests are paying for.

Wow, I don’t recognise that as a birthday party. I think the full costs should have been outlined in advance. But unless that was a) my kids best buddy b) the activity was something I couldn’t arrange myself I’m not sure I’d be that enthusiastic about it.

I bought his friend a birthday present. I can't take it out on the child. But we won't be attending the birthday dinner. She would not have told me if I didn't ask. We already paid for the activity and I know she won't give it back as she had already bought the tickets.

Should I say anything to her about it?

Gosh I've never been asked to contribute and my kids have gone to some pricey activities! I think that's very cheeky. If one can't afford it they should just do a party at home with games, or if a bit older a sleepover with three closest mates.

No point she's a cheeky fucker. Go to the activity and leave after. In future decline any invitations from this parent.

Gosh even when my kids got older and went for meals I paid for the whole lot. It's very strange. Just say you'll attend the activity as your ds is looking forward to it but will leave after.