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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband wanting sympathy when I am ill

29 replies

WifeOfMacbeth · 23/11/2024 12:50

We have been taking turns with a nasty cold virus.

He had it first, for a few days. and as it made him tired. I took over all chores, shopping, cooking etc. Then as he began to recover I went down with it.

I seem to be having it worse. It has been going on for a week. I have bad chest pain and am coughing incessantly. Sleeping has been hard because of all the pain and coughing so I am tired. Then yesterday some dental bridgework fell out, which was upsetting as now I have a gap in my teeth. I am also having to cancel a lot of stuff because I can only manage an hour or so at a time out of bed

My husband has cooked, though he has commented several times about having to do this 'again' and how he can't think what to make etc.Today he also went to the shops because we were out of basics, and put wet washing in the dryer.

He does sometimes go a bit weak if he hasn't eaten enough and this morning was one of those times. I had retreated to bed and he came in, propped himself against the chest of drawers and began moaning about all the things he'd had to do and how he was going to faint.

I told him I didn't want to know when I was so ill. He was an adult and should be capable of feeding himself rather than making a fuss.

He has now gone off in a huff. Right now Ihonestly feel as if it might be easier to crawl round and manage by myself

Though as this AIBU perhaps someone will suggest I should get up, cook a three course lunch and tell him ho marvellous he is.

OP posts:
protectthesmallones · 23/11/2024 18:48

We've recently been in this situation. Such horrid things going around.

I was second to get it, like you pretty poorly with a barely recovering husband trying to do stuff.

I would just tell him I loved him so much and that he was poorly and needed to rest too. And not to worry about household stuff for a while yet.

Now I'm a few weeks on so I'm past the stage he was when trying to do it all for me. I'm still very fatigued and can do one task a day and no more. It's really knocked the stuffing out of us. Horrid virus.

He probably just needs to hear from you that he can stop until he's better. He'll be dealing with the guilt of giving this to you alongside feeling rotten himself.

WifeOfMacbeth · 23/11/2024 19:17

Well in the last few days - while I have gone from bad to worse - he's recovered sufficiently to get to an exercise class, a hobby meet up, an adult education class in the city centre, transact a bit of interational business and have a long Zoom chat with his buddy in Seville.

So yes, I had foolishly imagined that today he'd be up to loading the tumble dryer, a 5 minute walk to the nearby supermarket for milk, teabags and veg - and throwing a bit of supper together.

There are things I had considered saying to him. But 'Darling, I lerve you so much' was not one of them.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 23/11/2024 19:37

WifeOfMacbeth · 23/11/2024 19:17

Well in the last few days - while I have gone from bad to worse - he's recovered sufficiently to get to an exercise class, a hobby meet up, an adult education class in the city centre, transact a bit of interational business and have a long Zoom chat with his buddy in Seville.

So yes, I had foolishly imagined that today he'd be up to loading the tumble dryer, a 5 minute walk to the nearby supermarket for milk, teabags and veg - and throwing a bit of supper together.

There are things I had considered saying to him. But 'Darling, I lerve you so much' was not one of them.

So perfectly well enough for his own interests but puts on a production when he has to step up domestically, again, what an unattractive attitude.
Make sure you rest properly and give him a good telling off if he tries this crap again.
Maybe think about seeing your GP if your chest is hurting, it could be an infection by now.

Sunnings · 23/11/2024 22:17

Such shabby behaviour.

I honestly can't imagine that this wouldn't chip away at your feelings for him.

You really see the character of a person with how they behave towards you when you are vulnerable.

Ibwould not be impressed and I would step back from all you do for him sharply.

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