Feeling guilty about my Sh$t father

[Herehavesomemoney]

Name change as some family members know my other UN.
My father has never been a dad to me or my DSis, he started cheating on my DM when she got pregnant with me as was a terrible husband, never there for us and he finally left for another woman when I was 12. Over the years I have barely spoken to him, he has married (and divorced) 3 other women and I have also found out my DM was his second wife. I was never invited to any of the weddings and we spoke maybe 3 times in 30 years. He didn't come to my wedding and has only seen his grandchildren twice.
Anyway cut to recently, he is now early 90's and got very ill. He called me disorientated and breathless - I swung into action calling the police and paramedics to go to his address. I live in Yorkshire and he lives in Kent so over 6hrs drive away.
I was told when he got to hospital that he was very close to death so I came down. He was living in squalor and didn't know who I was.
Long story short I've been up and down numerous times over the last 4 week, cleaned and sorted his house. He was sleeping in a broken chair so I've bought a bed and a recliner chair, paid for bills, bought food.
Now I know he never asked me to do this and yes, I did it to make myself feel less guilty as I know I would feel crap if I did nothing but I've not had any thanks or anything from my father.
He has asked for my help with moving some money around and paying some bills and what do you know he has £1000's in savings. I've paid out on fuel, time off work, food, hotels, furniture and even getting fined as his street is now a school street which means it's pedestrianised around school times - who knew that was a thing!
He was released from hospital with a catheter and still has it but the community nurses have him at the bottom of a long list. I'm getting phone calls 2 / 3 times a day sometimes just to talk.
He keeps calling and asking for more and more, now asking me to set up a food delivery for him but of cause I'm supposed to pay. He has offered me no money and even said that it's my turn to look after him! Joke.
I'm just so exhausted, both mentally and physically. My DH is angry at both me and him, as I keep taking his calls.
I don't know what I want from this thread, sympathy, a way to get out, or some coping mechanisms or just a rant?
Sorry so not to drip feed, no partner in the picture for him and my DSis is in NZ so it's just me.

Have you told him you’ve seen he has thousands stashed away when he pleads poverty? Tell him he can afford his own shopping, perhaps you’ll order but he’s paying for it. Tell him also it is not your turn to look after him because he never looked after you and hasn’t earned it. I know all this is so easy to say from the outside. It must be so hard x

I feel for you. You are obviously a lovely person but I think you need to let social services take over now.

He’s waited until he’s in his 90s and near death and I’d bet my bottom dollar you are the only person left and he wouldn’t have contacted you otherwise. He’s clearly burnt his bridges with everyone else.

When he asks you for something again be firm and say you owe him nothing. He sounds incredibly self centred.

When someone gets to his ripe old age and has nobody at all in their life that tells you everything you need to know about a person. He is now reaping the consequences of his actions,

I can also relate to this very much. my dad was a very neglectful shit dad who I actually hated at times growing up. I remember feeling so jealous of my friends dads and would wish I had a dad like theirs. Dad simply just wasn't interested in me and i was right at the bottom of his priorities list.
Now my dad is a dementia sufferer with terminal cancer and here I am being the dutiful daughter and looking after him. I'm finding it all very stressful and it's taking up a huge amount of my life. I know 100% he wouldn't be doing the same for me if I was the one ill and he was well. I have many moments when I think of how he's been as a father and I think why the hell am I caring for him and making myself ill with stress.
I just cannot seem to walk away and feel immense guilt and pressure and as though it's my duty as his daughter to be there for him. it's an awful situation to be in.

This is fucking disgraceful.

He is using you.

I’d send messages in response to his demands saying: I’m sorry that’s not possible for me as my hands are full and I’m 6 hours away.

Just block him. Honestly you will feel much better and zero guilt whatsoever. Why are you spending money that should be for YOUR family and your children and you on this waste of oxygen? I was NC with my shite dad for 25 years and even when local authority carers somehow got hold of my number and tried to guilt trip me, I just waved them on.

Choices have consequences, he made his choice - putting getting his dick wet first before his children. You owe him nothing.

I wouldn’t give him the time of day OP.

Ditto and your Dh are right though.
Jettison the nasty old bastard.

If you help him then the community support will be less supportive. If he's alone he becomes a higher priority.

So I’ve had a long conversion with social services today and told them I’ve washed my hand of him (but a bit nicer than that). He has been telling social services that I am arranging everything so they were shocked to hear I live nowhere near him and don’t plan on visiting for months or bankrolling him. I’ve refused to liaise with the community nurses or co-ordinate his drs appointments and food deliveries. They were upset and tried to tell me that because he has capacity they can’t do much so I’ve left it with them saying I no longer want any updates and will not be the go between.
They we’re going out this Saturday to do an assessment on his living arrangements so we’ll see how that goes.
I haven’t spoken to him in 2 days and he hasn’t tried calling today. Maybe I’ve broken the cycle.

Well done OP. It will continue to get easier now you've put your foot down.

Don't feel guilty. Why should you put yourself out for a father who dismissed you so easily. I've got one of those and If he ever contacted me for help, I wouldn't hesitate to put him straight.

Well done OP!

For gids sake block him and vow never to see him again. He is using you like he used all those poor women. I have no idea why you feel guilt.
Do you honestly think he would give a shit if you were on your death bed.

Dont go back.

The joke about you looking after him for a change would have made my blood boil and my phone break - I would have called time right then and there.