Is he taking the piss?

[loveyoutothemoon]

I'm in a relationship of nearly 2 years and he has his son of 16 a lot of the time, more than 50/50, says he can only see me 2 hours in the week and just over a whole day at the weekend. Too busy or tired any other time and lives 40 minutes away.

Anyone?

Neither of you is being unreasonable. You just sound incompatible.

Has it always just been 2hrs during the week and 1 day at weekends? What happens if you asked to spend the whole weekend presume there are times the son is not there the whole weekend.

No, he isn’t taking the piss. He is being honest - his son comes first.

He has a teen and a busy life, presumably. Seems reasonable.

If it's too little for you, you cut your losses and find someone else. He's being honest about priorities.

The only thing you should be asking is if it works for you.
He’s told you his boundaries- all you have to decide is if theyre compatible with your needs and wants.

Thanks for the replies.

@Weedoormatnomore I thought that we saw slightly more (but not much) time in the week in the beginning, he thinks differently and also says he has more work stress recently and doesn't sit down til late most days.
We see each other from 2/3 on a Saturday til Sunday tea time (that's when he's child free) but I also see him when he has his child.

I wouldn't say he's taking the piss necessarily.

But if its not for you then it's not for you.

So he pretty much sees you every single time that he's child free?

Sounds totally reasonable to me.

He's not taking the piss because he's been clear and sticking to what he's said. Whether you are happy with that level of relationship is another question. Are you happy with him in every other way? If so hang on in there because DS is approaching a stage where he will be going to uni or getting a job and his dad being around won't be necessary for so much of the time. Talk to DP about that and discuss how you would both like your relationship to develop over the next few years.

Neither of you are being unreasonable, but he isn't making you a priority. So it's time to decide if you're happy with the crumbs you're getting or if its time to move on

What do you want long term from seeing him OP? Has he ever mentioned living together?

Difficult to see how he could be any more straightforward about this, really.

Thanks for the further replies.

We've spoken about this several times, talked it through every time. But I just wanted a second opinion on the frequency.
No not every time he's free by any stretch. But I see him every weekend, just not much in the week at all.
Yes spoken about moving in together in a few years.

How do you feel about waiting a few years to see him more when you move in ? that will be a large jump from what you have now to everyday.

@Weedoormatnomore It isn't ideal as we want to sooner but when we do we want to just concentrate on us. Another few years is nothing and it'll be worth the wait hopefully.
We're both pretty independent so we'll do our own things too when we take that step.

I'd be happy not seeing someone constantly, but I'd want more than that.

I don't suppose the amount of time you see each other differs from a great many couples who even live together. Think of truck drivers, travelling sales, shift workers with conflicting shift patterns.

It sounds like you need more than he can give and you need to work out together how temporary or long term that pattern is likely to be and whether that's enough for you. He's not unreasonable, it's about whether you can meet each other's needs.

Personally, I'd be delighted to find someone currently who only wanted that level of commitment- I have a chockablock life of my own right now and really value my space!