To ask if you have made “family friends” as an adult

[CottageGreen]

Hello
Just wondering if anyone has managed to make “family friends” whilst having young children and if so how? I’m talking about friendships where the parents and children all socialise with each other. I’d like my children to have some friends outside off their school friends and while they do clubs on the weekend it’s very much “drop and run” so not sure how much opportunity there will be to extend those friendships outside the group. A lot of the school parents seem to already have circles they have developed at NCT, uni friends with kids of the same age etc. We haven’t had much luck there so wondering if there will be other opportunities. Would love to hear your experiences

How old are your DC?

Yes i did with neighbours where the kids played together but were at different schools. Also through sports clubs etc.

No.

Where the kids got on the parents mostly didn't and vice versa.

Yes we did, it happened naturally. The kids were friends first, play dates led to friendship for the mums then we started meeting up as two families outside of the playdates. Think I suggested a trip to the local attraction one weekend for us all and it went from there.

I haven't made any new one, but luckily a few of the friends I alread had decided to have children at about the same time, so they're all within a few years of each other, and play well together while we hang out.

Yes we have, not until my son got into year 5 however. Met our best friends through him becoming best friend with their son, we now go on holiday together and meet up regularly for takeaways/days out etc

Yes, we did. My DD age 13 started playing team sports outside of school. Competition required travel, which meant that parents needed to coordinate trips. I additionally organized team building fun events (pot-luck, day at the park) which got all the families together. We made these friends 2 years ago, and at the risk of sounding really cheesy, they are now like family.

Yes, we moved countries in 2019 when DS was seven. I invited kids he liked in his new school around for play dates in our temporary rental, a group cohered and became firm friends, and I got to know and like the other parents and we began to hang out.even during Covid, where we were living in an Airbnb by the coast after a house purchase fell through, we invited them for beach days and socially distanced barbecues.

I actually thought we were joining an existing group, but apparently the parents never socialised before we arrived and invited them.

The boys are now all at different secondaries, but still see one another, and the parents still hang out.

No, we didn't, but we didn't feel the lack of it and never sought out more friends. We prefer to spend our free time as a family, or taking dcs to organised activities, amd it's not convenient to get other families to slot into that.

My sister has managed this- she gets on really well with the parents of her son's best friend (they met in Reception), to the extent that they now share a nanny! Also, when my sister and the mum want to go out for dinner, the dad will babysit my niece and nephew while a grandparent looks after their two kids (my sister is a single parent, and our parents already do a lot of childcare for her, so she doesn't like asking them for any extra).

We became friends with neighbours who have children the same age as ours - four families in total. We are friends and our children are friends ( now adults) it's nice and I guess just luck.

@Puddleclucks they are 6 and 4

Friends like family is the dream but like someone said above it’s down to luck I think and ours hasn’t been great so far :(

Yes down to luck. Made some nice friends through school run but kids havent as much in common now. But great when they do gel. Met some nice mums too through daughters sport

2 lots after pre-school - one when DD2 was 3 years old - sat with her outside DD2's weekly ballet class for 30 mins each week. DD2 made friends with another sibling waiting outside and then we started with playdates, then family trips. 12 years later (& 3 different locations for them) we'll be heading to Scotland to see them

2nd lot - again via DD2 in Y6. Met family via primary school events. DD2 & friend now at different secondary schools but DH sees the Dad every week for a shared hobby and we see the rest of the family every couple of weeks

Yes, my kids are under 10 so still time but I’d say we have 2 families we are ‘family friends’ with. The first I met at baby group with DS 9 years ago, and we both had second boys a couple of years later. The second family I met on the school run and our DHs get on really well too, they have kids the same age as our DC2 & 3.

We met some nice families on a ski holiday during our half term and flying from our local regional airport. We are still regularly meeting up with one family five years later, have much more sporadic contact, mainly on social media, with the other two.
Our Closest family friends are friends from before children whom we have gone away with each year and camp with so the kids bonded.
Round here the gateway seems to be group camping weekends. Somebody will make a plan for may bh for eg and invite others to join in.

Maybe luck has a tiny part to play in the matter, but it absolutely not all.
you have to be generous and to “invest” your time for friendships.

when we relocated to an EU country 6,5 yrs ago, the first 2 years were spent to settle qnd make friends. We invited a lot more than we were for playdates, barbecues, dinner parties, days out, etc with and without children.

now we have dear dear family friends and life is amazing. It is “our village”.

my point is wherever you are, invite invite invite. Be generous and kind, have fun and it will happen. You have got to be patient. But the first step starts with you.

Yes, quite a few but they can become trickier to maintain as the children get older as they generally get fussier about who they hang out with and one kid sometimes gets left out or doesn't have a natural buddy within the group. My "family friendships" mainly started with the female friendship and then extended to include the DH's and then the kids as they were all roughly the same age/ liked the same things or we'd just naturally see them at certain places. Some have drifted back now towards being mainly an adult friendship, but that's fine- everything for a season and all that. Where they've endured it's where the DC "pair off" best. - so 2 x 14 year old boys, 2 x 12 year old girls, rather than me with DS (14) and DD(12) whereas they have DD15 and DS 11.

We have street parties here which creates this kind of community. It's really great The first thing you need is to have an email list for your street and then you can organise weeding parties and things like that. It's really good.

It's not just down to luck, you do have to put yourself out there to make friendly acquaintances turn into friends...invite people to things, suggest stuff otherwise it just won't happen.
Sometimes friends do just fall into your lap but that's generally when they are putting themselves out there to you!

@FixingStuff I would love that. The streets around us have WhatsApp groups and one of them does parties but ours has nothing as far as I know. I think we have mostly elderly people on ours but there are a few younger families. How did you go about getting everyone’s details?

We made a few - mum friends who I hit it off with and then invited for meals/bbqs at each other's houses. Husband's got on and we had nights out together as couples. Did camping holidays together and bonfire night/halloween/birthday parties. Also our old school friends with their children but as we'd moved a couple of hours away, we saw them less often. I think most 'family friends' start with the mums friendship and then it just depends on whether the partners and kids get on!

Absolutely. We’ve moved around a fair bit, before and after having DS, and looking around at newly-encountered people for potential friends or finding ways to meet people who might become friends is absolutely as much a part of arriving somewhere as unpacking furniture.

We did. We met another family at the childminders 10 years ago and have stayed close. The kids are best friends/sibling like relationships and as adults we’ve been through life’s ups and downs together. We bubbled during COVID and go on holiday together sometimes too. Very fortunate. Probably helped by none of us having family in this country - all ex pats.

Amazingly we have a family we are really good friends with, despite being being very socially awkward and anxious..

It grew very gradually when I met my DF and her DD at a baby group. Our DDs are exactly the same age. We gradually invited each other to more things and got know each other's DHs.

Now our DC have a cousin like relationship and we are there for each other with childcare emergencies. We get together all the family every couple of months and DCs are at each others houses weekly.

I'm very grateful to have them.