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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teenagers Allowance

11 replies

ClassieAbbi · 22/11/2024 11:37

DD is 16, she’s doing A-Levels and she does 2 sports competitively. She doesn’t work part time or in the holidays and this won’t change.
The holidays are busy with competition, training camps or going on holiday so she wouldn’t be able to commit to a job. She trains 4 nights and 3 mornings a week plus the weekend plus competing. A job would not fit in.
When she turned 16 in August we started giving her an allowance of £200 p/m she buys beauty and clothes off this and goes out with her friends once a week.
We pay her phone, lunches essential clothes and all sports related costs separately.

DH thinks we should up it again, every Friday out with her friends she easily spends £25-30 which doesn’t leave loads for extra clothes and make up not to mention gifts for friends birthdays. I think £200 is fine.

WIBU?

OP posts:
JaydeeMai · 22/11/2024 11:46

Depends what you can afford and what lifestyle you want to give to her. I dont think people on here can guide guide you, your finances will be different to everyone else's.

cestlavielife · 22/11/2024 11:48

She has to learn to budget. Stick to the budget.
This month's is going out.
Next month clothes
And she can buy on vinted no need for brand new.
200 is plenty.

cestlavielife · 22/11/2024 11:49

She does not need new clothes for every night out. Is good for her to stop and think what she chooses to spend on each week /month.

SushiWrap · 22/11/2024 11:50

DD gets £250. I think £200 is fine though.

We just worked out the lifestyle we'd be willing to fund and added up what it would cost. Anything else she wants, she earns doing babysitting (appreciate this is not possible for your DD).

Dollshousedolly · 22/11/2024 12:05

If you’re comfortable with and are able to increase the amount, then do. If not, then don’t.

You’re going to have posters piling on saying you’ve set her on the path to ruin not expecting her to have a part time job and giving her any money at all.

ChessieFL · 22/11/2024 12:06

Has she actually asked for more?

Missionimprobable · 22/11/2024 12:09

She needs to learn to budget.
I think a lot of adults would like to have £200 to spend on themselves a month.

Cosyblankets · 22/11/2024 12:09

It's plenty
She needs to learn to budget.
You're already paying for her phone and her sports activity.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/11/2024 12:10

DS (17) gets £40pw + £15pw for lunches including holidays + £30 pm for gym.
We buy his clothes and shoes though as he is 6ft4 and size 15 shoes so harder to find and buy for.

I think £200 is fine and like pp mentioned she needs to learn to budget herself.

AnxietyIsKillingMe · 22/11/2024 12:15

I guess it depends on your finances
And on the long term plan.

We don’t know you or your circumstances

But,
id be inclined not to increase It.
i understand what youre saying.

She gets £200 a month, spend £100-120 on nights out, only leaving £80 for other stuff which isnt much depending on her clothing tastes.

BUT
if you increase it, you aren’t teaching her to budget, which will be invaluable when she has her own financial responsibilities. You’re teaching her she can spend how she likes, and if it doesn’t cover what she wants, then someone will find more.

I don’t buy clothes every month
nor do I go out weekly and I suspect many others are the same.
Because I can’t afford to and don’t have the time.
Many Alevel and uni students will be working part time and may have more money because of that, but that’s a choice they’ve made. Some may not even be earning that much or won’t have the free time to go out. Everyone is different

But I think the real question is what’s the end goal?
After A levels will it be uni? Or work?
At that point, will she give up any of her sports to make time for studying/working and socialising?

In the future, will she only apply for jobs that fit round her sports?

im not saying that’s wrong, plenty of people do it
others have to cut back to make things work

But what im saying is, unless you’re incredibly wealthy, you can’t and won’t support her forever

She’ll need to learn to prioritise and budget, and to make sacrifices and choices. And you funding whatever life she wants isn’t going to give her those skills.

She might think you’re the best parents ever right now because you’re enabling her to study and continue sports she loves, you’re paying for everything, taking her on holidays and giving her an allowance for fun stuff.

But in the future
When she has to manage bills, and a job and family
And can’t always have or do whatever she wants
She will look back and resent that you didn’t prepare her for the real world.

You do you, you raise your child as you see fit.

Me personally, I’d either keep the allowance as is, and teach her to budget so as PP suggested maybe go out every 2 weeks so clothes can be bought, or buy cheaper stuff.

OR I’d increase the allowance, in exchange for household tasks, and a percentage being saved for the future.

OR I’d keep it as it is and if she wanted more she would have to work for it, and if that meant tough choices about sport then so be it.

it sounds harsh and I don’t mean it to,
But both my sister and DH had everything paid for and were allowed not to work so they could chaise as late teens
snd as adults they constantly struggle because they aren’t used to having to make tough decisions and prioritise money. Both frequently run back to their parents who still subsidise them.

So it’s really up to you what you want the future to look like

KarmenPQZ · 22/11/2024 17:48

‘she easily spends £25-30 which doesn’t leave loads for extra clothes ‘
if you give her more and then she spend £40-£50 on a Friday night do you plan to up it again until she can buy clothes?!?! Lots of adults don’t have £200 a month to spend on fun stuff. Obviously that’s not saying your daughter shouldn’t as it should be proportionate to your family. Do you spend £200 on yourself not including hobbies, lunches etc?

shes 16 - and if she’s no complaining she needs more money then she’s using her own discretion to budget which is great. maybe you should also consider giving her a set amount and she also needs to cover her own lunches in that to help her grow?

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