Am I wrong for wanting my first Christmas with my baby as a family of three to start our own traditions?
I come from a family where we are all spread out and that most relatives live abroad.
My boyfriend comes from a very tight nit family that always do a big Christmas together. I spent Christmas with them last year and it wasn’t great tbh as there was a bad atmosphere that we didn’t stay over. They have different traditions of staying in pjs which I know is common amongst other family’s. In my family we do gifts on Christmas Eve and have a nice meal, Christmas morning we do a big walk then see a few family members together for a couple of hours, wearing something special then have another nice meal, and that’s that.
I agreed to spend Christmas with my boyfriend’s family this year again as I know they were so excited about a new baby in the family. Unfortunately there have been many many fall out since baby was born with some simple boundaries not being respected, and lot of hurtful comments were made. Unfortunately my newborn and baby’s early months were ruined from anxiety brought on by my boyfriend’s family. I am still trying to build this relationship back up with them as I don’t want things to be awkward, but it takes a lot of time and trust to be built back up. So anyways back to Christmas, I assumed we would go to the house on late Christmas morning, gifts then onto the meal. Baby usually goes to sleep at 7.30/8 at a push if baby has had all the usual naps during the day otherwise it’s a total nightmare of them not getting into a deep sleep during the night, which is left to me to deal with as baby is completely breastfed. So I suggest to my partner to tell his family whilst I’m still happy to spend Christmas with them for the whole day I’d like to be back home for his bath and bed. This did not go down well as he said I’m not rushing away from my family just because it’s the baby’s bed time, and said I need to not worry about his routine. Whilst I’m happy to slightly adjust it, it’s ultimately me that is left with the fall out of our baby staying up for the next three nights unsettled. From knowing about last year where my boyfriend (whom doesn’t drink) sat on his phone the whole evening and so did his family to look at Christmas clothing sales. I didn’t see the point in keeping baby up until day 10pm to watch them sit on there phones when I could be in bed and so could baby. This isn’t about the routine tbh it’s that I’m really dreading spending a whole day with them when I’ve only spent a few hours max at a time. A lot has went on and I’m doing it to try and keep the peace but I suggested that we do our own thing on Christmas Day and see his family for lunch for a few hours on Boxing Day? I understand to a extent why he’d want to see his family but I would like to see mine too! He said he wants a full day there and doesn’t want the flow to be disrupted? I don’t want to play the game of alternate Christmas’s as some years I would like to spend it with the three of us and make our own traditions. So see my family of the eve, our self’s for the day and spend Boxing Day with his family? I also suggest that he took me home as I don’t drive, to put baby to bed in the evening and he could stay over with them, that was a harsh nope! Then he suggested we stay over but as I’ve mentioned the day with them is a real push because of what’s went on and I don’t feel comfortable also the fact I’ll not wanting to spend my morning or Christmas Eve packing lots of things as you all know you need to take a lot of things including gifts for one night with a baby. When I asked what the big deal was he said his family will be disappointed that I leave for his bed time, and said “why would I want to spend Christmas with you when we live together” I was quite taken aback by this as I thought it would be nice as every weekend we have plans and classes so we don’t really ever have down time to ourselves.
many thanks.