Left out...

[Blueuggboots]

Had a meeting yesterday with a group I'm involved with. It's a professional group, but we all know each other via the group and socialise after meetings etc.

Went out early afternoon/evening and everyone went back to their hotels or home about 7.30, which I was a bit surprised by as I'd booked a hotel expecting to be out until the late evening, and could have gone home and not paid over £100 for the hotel...

Woken up this morning to photos of the two people I was with last (who made out they were also going back to their hotels!) having put photos on the WhatsApp group of them drinking together later last night......so they obviously met back up without me while I was sat on my own in a hotel room??!!

No affair or anything like that.

AIBU to feel a bit hurt? I thought they were my friends. I feel like they've decided for what ever reason to say they're going back to their hotels to ditch me and drink together without me!

For full disclosure - I'm not a big drinker, but happy to sit and chat and have a laugh while other people drink. I pay my own way so don't expect others to buy me drinks because I don't drink as much as others. I don't go out much especially not in big cities, but again, happy to do so if I get the opportunity. I don't judge others for the amount they drink.

@Blueuggboots reading that you walked back together almost seems like they planned it. But well done for raising it so they at least know it was wrong (seems like they realised). Would be different, still a bit hurtful, if they said ‘actually we want to have a catch-up about old times, you don’t mind do you’ at least that would be an acknowledgement.

I actually think this is much worse? Being told to basically eff off, rather than letting you head on and then doing their own thing. They should have just kept it to themselves rather than posting photos and then there would have been no hurt feelings!

not sure what your post is asking then if you already spoke to them about it....... yes to be intentional ditched is a bit crap. maybe they didn't want any 'hangers on'...... you say you don't judge, but if you need to say that out loud then maybe they think you do? or maybe it was an unplanned thing. maybe they just aren;t as in to you as you are to them, it happens all the time. i have 'friends' that sometimes you just don't have the headspace to deal with. next time don't assume that you'll be out late unless pre-arranged with the group

How big is the wider group?

@LouLomumoftwo - I only said about the not judging to try and give all the information...I DO drink alcohol but not to excess.

The wider group was 8 of us initially, but don't had to go earlier due to other commitments so the 3 of us were left,

When I posted initially, I hadn't spoken to them but had woken up the morning after to see the photos.

@Candystore22 - yes! I said I thought we'd be out much later and felt like I'd wasted my money booking the hotel to finish at 7.30!

But if you wanted to stay out later, and felt you were wasting money on a hotel, why didn’t you suggest going for another drink?

@AmberAnt - well, I thought saying I was surprised we'd finished at 7.30 would have been enough to suggest it? Obviously not.

I think you need to stop assuming you’re going to be socialising and just see it as a group of people that you’ve involved with professionally. Don’t book a hotel next time (if anyone asks I would be brutally honest and say you’re not going to waste money just to sit in your room on your own like the last time). These 2 clearly didn’t want to socialise with you. It’s stupid of them to post pictures of the 2 of them in the group app. This would really make me see both of them in a different light.

I’m going to go against the grain here. I think it’s ok for people who have a long standing friendship to want to hang out alone.
Now if you all discussed booking hotel rooms to have an evening out together and then they ditched you, that’s different. If you just assumed and never discussed, I don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.
I have the mentality that I don’t want to be in situations that I’m not invited to or welcome at wholeheartedly.

@Candystore22 - that is my exact thought process for next time!! I spent £40 on train fare and £140 on a hotel. Cheapest I could find that wasn't a dive but wasn't expecting to sit there all night either.

See, no, to me that wouldn’t. It might be a pleasant surprise so you got a cosy night away in a hotel room. I don’t think you can really complain now about going back early when you were one of a v small group and didn’t actually suggest anything different! It’s all very passive.

If you'd suggested going out and they'd said they didn't want to, fair enough to feel miffed. But you didn't suggest it, and they may have assumed you weren't bothered. They would not have posted the photo in group chat if they deliberately gave you the slip. Next time maybe take charge and suggest a venue for drinks after the meeting rather than leaving it to chance.

@walltowallkents it is, but at least there and then you could say ‘charming, that’s not very nice’ and make a point. This way was pretty mean and so was the lack of thought in posting photos. Saying that, at least OP has let them know. But I do think they knew what they were doing all along.

I’m not sure, they clearly didn’t hide it, which they likely would have done if planed. And as there was initially 8 of you. I suspect it was just early they had a drink when they got back and then changed their minds and went out again.

@AmberAnt - and that's why I posted. I wasn't sure if I had reason to feel a bit miffed so wanted other people's opinions which is why I posted in AIBU! 🤩

Fair enough!