Would you expect your parents to come to you at Christmas for once

[Contrabandtea]

In this scenario?

I live abroad, have done for a long time, short flight away and see parents 3-4 times per year. Pre dd we went home for Christmas every year. My parents moved and there weren’t any flights to the nearest airport, so the next one was a three hour round trip. Parents used to pick and drop us and mum starting dropping hints about how long and difficult the drive was etc
I ended up doing fertility, some of it fell around christmas so we weren’t able to go back and them dd was born and it’s less easy now, but we are planning it for next year
I’ve always said I’d love them to come to us at Christmas and they’d be very welcome, they stay with us at other times for one-two weeks. Dad always says he’d love to but mum says she can’t leave my sister and brother. Sister is 40 with two children and brother is 51, I honestly don't think they’d be bothered/mind much.
Just been thinking about it recently and wondering why it’s been fine to have me doing Christmas without them but not my brother and sister. Or aibu because I was the one who moved away so therefore should always be the one going back?
I’d actually like to do christmas dinner for them and have them wake up with dd. I think they’d enjoy it too and for a bit of winter sun and time at the beach

Anyone?

Just keep telling them the journey goes both ways. Your dd deserves a Christmas at home with her gifts. Not travelling pandering to selfish grown ups.

I guess all you can really do if you really want them there and they’re able is really sell it to them: but you can’t force them can you. Perhaps just tell them how much you’d love it and it’s just for one year and see what they say.

It does make me feel as though im not as important as my siblings

Agree that it's sad that they aren't being open minded enough to give it a go. I agree you can't force them, and it seems like your mum is using your siblings as an excuse to stay close to home for ease/familiarity. Sometimes sadly people don't live up to your expectations and so you might just have to accept a wonderful Christmas with your immediate family. Congratulations on your successful fertility treatment.

I don't think it should make you feel like that about your siblings, even though I can understand why you do. I think if it was the other way round and they were abroad it seems like the same would happen.

I hear you. But people are funny about Christmas and can find it very difficult to imagine spending it in a different place or way from how they’ve always done it.

I live at some distance from my family - not a plane journey but a few hours drive away. I asked my parents to come to us one year when I was very heavily pregnant and they refused as they couldn’t leave my DB (he would have spent it with my DSis). Even now we are in our forties, I know there is no point inviting them because they won’t leave him (and he can’t come to us as we have a pet he’s allergic to - but he never came to us before we had the pet!). Ultimately, it matters more to them that they spend Christmas with him
and my sister than with me, and that does hurt.

We now go some years and stay home other years depending on what works best for us.

You sound like a lovely, close, extended family and I honestly wouldn’t let this get to you. I don’t think this is a slight at all on you and your DH - you moved away and for them the default is just to stay at home at Christmas. Keep chatting about it and maybe they’ll come another year but given they visit and you are all clearly close I would build your own traditions where you are and make a big tradition of a summer/NY/easter visit or whatever works with plenty of video calls over Christmas. Hope you have a good one OP.

Just keep on inviting them. My Mum didn't have Christmas at my house until my eldest child was 16. She was invited multiple times. When she eventually came she actually enjoyed it although of course she missed out on my DC being small and excited about Christmas.

And I completely understand how you feel, Mum spent every Christmas with my brother and his family who lived close by and it did feel like a slight. I had travelled to her for years so really wanted to be able to take my turn hosting once we had DC.