Is dating with herpes a nightmare?

[Flexflairforever]

So, my ex gave me one lesion, one time, many years ago on my vagina through oral sex (he has herpes 1, the cold sore type, this is the type I have, but still it was... down there ).

I've accepted it, gotten over it etc. I know 1 in 6 have genital herpes. It is what it is.

But thinking about dating again. I'm 57.

Am I going to be in for a shitshower of rejection as a result of this?

Has it ever returned? Genital herpes, I think, is a different type of the virus. I don't think you have genital herpes but once had a cold sore on your genitals.

no, never returned

Speak to the herpes association about this, you do get judgement from people who are probably carrying the virus without realising. Most people have type one, the lip cold sore, even if they have never had an outbreak.

The other main type, Type 2 is normally found below the waist but there's so much crossover now that's started to shift the stats. There are suppressive medications and barrier methods you can use with consenting partners.

But seriously, you will get reassurance, support, health strategies and a normal conversation about it from
herpes.org.uk/
Go there first. Don't panic!

Thank you - that's a great resource

No, it's fine. I am on small dose of acyclovir daily and the viral load is non-detectable.

If it's never returned I wouldn't mention it to a new partner

That's your situation but just for clarity:

Most people with herpes don't need to take aciclovir ongoing.

If you aren't having outbreaks there's no risk of transmission

Just because it's never returned for op, that does not mean the same would be true for a partner who contracted it. They could have regular painful outbreaks for life. Of course she needs to mention it.

There's type 1 and type 2, they can both affect mouth or genitals. Either could return. But whether they do in any individual depends on a lot of factors. If you've got one you are immune to the other. So you can't give genital herpes to someone who gets cold sores or vice versa.

You can get genital Herpes from cold sores.. it's all the same virus

She can't pass it on if not having outbreaks so there would be no risk to the new partner

This is absolute nonsense.

Given how ill informed your previous post is ill disregard this one as well.

This is incorrect. One can spread the virus even if they are asymptomatic. There are a lot of carriers out there who don't even know they have the virus. It's true that the OP may not be prescribed acyclovir if she doesn't have regular outbreaks (although, a sympathetic GP would have no problems with prescribing) but it is absolutely possible to spread infection even if you don't have symptoms.
Your statement about being immune to the types of virus is also, unfortunately, incorrect.

Whoa. Hold up.

No way. If a guy said that, there would be uproar.

Thank you all. For clarity; I have herpes 1. The cold sore type. However, it was on a genital so it still classified as genital herpes. However, if I meet a man who has the regular cold sore herpes (like me), I can't give it to him as he has it, regardless of where he has it.

If I meet someone who has herpes 2 - the strictly sexually transmitted variation - then I can still get herpes 2 from them. I can give them herpes 1. But apparently the likelihood is low, the affliction very mild.

For those with herpes 1, the asymptomatic shedding is much much lower and diminishes a lot after the first year.

However, I would still tell someone.

For clarity (round 2): I would definitely tell a new partner. Absolutely.

This really is a terrific website. I wish I'd known about it sooner.

I'm not sure I would agree that I'd be prescribed acyclovir by a sympathetic GP. I was given it to take in emergencies only.

If you are in a casual relationship, they will advise protected sex but if you are in a committed relationship and explain that you would like to manage risks of passing on infection, they are more than happy to prescribe. I only started taking it a few years ago and I have never had to go to my GP and show them an active infection. I explained the situation to them and they were happy to prescribe a low dose. Especially given the association between herpes and Alzheimer's and overall low risks of anti-viral treatment.

Thanks for the clarification.

If you had genital herpes then you’d have had a primary outbreak. My ex gave me it whilst I was pregnant with our DD, I had a primary outbreak which stopped my bladder working for 3 weeks and very very nearly lost DD during birth. Anyway, even if not pregnant at the time, a primary outbreak of genital herpes is no joke. I fucking despise the way it’s associated in society with being ‘disgusting’ etc. It’s a virus that as my consultant said at my bedside, that 98% of people carry dormant within them and it’s then triggered by many different things that are nothing to do with sex. You can trigger the virus (or catch it) via sex with someone who’s having an outbreak but I’m saying that it can be triggered without sex if you have the dormant virus which like I said, 98% of us do.