Exactly how bad is this auntie’s behaviour?

[Supersimkin7]

MN Jury, I need your wisdom.

Situation: Natalie, single, 40, loses job and becomes disabled after nasty health problems that don’t go away. Struggles with poverty begin and gets visibly iller.

Auntie Cam, family friend & godmother since birth and best friend to woman’s mother, sees Nat often at fam gatherings. Cam = Very wealthy midlife type. She repeatedly offers financial help. Usually with a sting in the tail ‘I’ll pay for a new haircut, you’re too old for long hair.’

Natalie politely refuses, repeatedly. Cam perseveres, asking for humiliating and painful intricate details of Nat’s benefits and pitiful prescription list whenever they meet. And perseveres.

Nat’s mortgage company start ominous rumbling noises. Frightened, she timidly asks Cam if she might help with £50.00.

Cam refuses point blank and lies about huge upcoming bills of her own.

I think Cam ought to look at her behaviour. Am I overreacting?

YABU = Get over the humiliation Nat, you’ve been led up garden-path & Cam had right to withdraw

YANBU = Cam is a cow whose motives for getting involved are suspect at best.

Cam does not sound like a nice person. Natalie however needs to develop a backbone and tell Cam when she asks about benefits etc that it is none of her business.

Hard as it is Natalie should not borrow anything from Cam.

Cam sounds like a cunt who dangles a carrot in front of Natalie and when Natalie decides it's gonna be alright to ask Cam for help Cam then decides to pull that carrot back.

Cam was waiting for Natalie to ask because Cam likes to ask Natalie about her benefits acting as if she is so concerned about poor little Natalie and offers to help financially (with a sting and on her terms) I will repeat that Cam sounds like a cunt

Aunite Cam is manipulative.
Natalie needs to stop talking to Auntie Cam who likes extracting personal info.

She wouldn't pay for the haircut anyway without you having to humiliate yourself by asking for it over and over again and Auntie Cuntie pretending not to properly understand the request and pretending to feel 'put on the spot' and expressing surprise that it costs more than ten shillings and sixpence and generally playing stupid games.

I know the type.

Steer clear and tell her to keep her beak out.

Any money loaned or given by Cam is going to come with a list of conditions and hoops to jump through. And that’s if she actually has any intention of handing cash over, or she just likes to play Lady Bountiful within earshot of other people. It’s one thing her offering. It’s another thing entirely her opening her purse.

I think Natalie would be far better off telling Cam she doesn’t discuss her finances, and contacting Shelter, or Citizens Advice Bureau for advice, than relying on anything Cam has to say or offer.

Godparents are supposed to help, that's what they promise when they agree to act, she sounds bloody awful. Natalie needs to stop asking and giving away any personal info, I'd cut cam out of my life. Where are the rest of the family in all this, can they help Natalie financially and point her in the direction of benefits and speaking with the mortgage lender now she's not working. Who are you in all this, are you Natalie.

Cam isn’t a nice person and i’d avoid any personal conversations. However was it really only £50- can it make that much difference if mortgage company is raising issues

I've had similar life events happen to me in my late thirties. If someone did that to me, I'd be really hurt. I also don't like to ask for help, so I'd be absolutely mortified. It's hard enough having your identity so changed without being allowed to keep your privacy and dignity about it.

She shouldn't be so candid, but she might feel like she needs to justify herself and her illness to this woman. It's psychologically damaging to lose your job and your health - you never quite get the idea out of your head that if you tried harder you'd get better. It leaves you vulnerable to busybodies.

When she offers financial help is it always for a particular item/service eg a haircut or is it ever straight cash. She may wish to see the 'end product' of her help

Has there been an invite to ask for help or has it been strictly on the terms of where the Auntie offers help. It may come across as controlling but as there is zero obligation you could put it down to her money, her perogative

Just to add if this is Cams approach, it is unpleasant and I don't agree with it at all

No thank goodness I
am not Natalie, far from
it. I’ve told her Cam’s To Be Avoided, and I’m quite shocked by how badly she’s hurt Nat.

They’ve known each other for life - Nat loved and trusted her.

This! If she is humiliating Natalie on topics of hair styles, benefits etc then it will likely extend to any financial assistance she offers too. Natalie should find any other possible options and refuse to discuss personal health/financial subjects, or any other subjects that can be weaponised by Aunt Cam.

Sad, given the parents presumably picked Cam as god parent carefully and specially. However, Cam doesn’t sound nice and Nat should cut her out and get on with her life, difficult though it may be at times, without that toxic person in it.

Cam's a giant cunt.

Jesus OP this sounds exactly like my own aunt! I'm actually gobsmacked there's another one out there.

Alive and kicking!

Thanks everyone - glad to know Ian I, well, not so far.

Nat has stopped sniffing and appears to be eg cheering up.

what is a 'mid life type'. TBH your language indicates a level of dislike which does not indicate a fair and balanced view of what is happening.

Natalie should have shut down Cam a long time ago.