Not to finance a romance scam

[ThePriceOfSugar]

Today my 75 year old landlord asked me for a loan of £1,200 toward some expense thrown up by the romance scam in which he is entangled.

The story is absolutely lurid, the "woman" (30) is apparently trapped in Istanbul awaiting deportation to the Russian front, she has a huge sum she can't access in an Austrian bank account, she needs just another few thousand for some bureaucratic function... This scam has been going on for five years, they've never met or even spoken on the phone and my landlord has sent "her" at least £40K this year alone.

Now he's disclosed that he has nowhere left to turn and is in debt. He graciously told me I am "allowed" to decline to lend him the money, which I certainly won't be doing, but am I obliged to tell him why?

I called Action Fraud a few weeks about this and they advised that they can do nothing until he realizes he's being rinsed and reaches out himself.

I don't really want to be the bearer of news he won't believe or like, since we live on the same property. Does anyone have any advice? Should I just decline and keep quiet?

I would print off some articles about this scam and share them with him, up to him if he reads them, and tell him if he wants he can report it to Action Fraud, but , you won’t be lending him any money and leave it at that

How long have you known about this scam and not said anything? 5 years? This year, to the tune of 40k? 🤔

Well that sounds very awkward for you and very inappropriate from him.
I'd probably be looking to leave tbh and find somewhere else because how long will it be before he decides to sell the property in order to continue 'helping' her? If you paid a deposit I hope it's in an approved protection scheme because if not then you'll not see that again and plus it's illegal not to have it in one in the UK.

There is nothing you can do unless you can dig up evidence that she's a fraud but even then your LL is so deeply entrenched that it's likely he'll not believe it. Once a romance scam victim gets this entrenched then the only hope is that the perpetrator disappears once the cash flow stops. All you can do is offer support if he needs it when it all goes wrong and put him in touch with Action Fraud which will be too late anyway and he'll be too embarrassed to do anything.

I’d say you have a matter of months before his house is on the market and you’ve been given notice, so it’s not as though you’ve got anything to lose.

I’d give him all the info you can, tell him you can’t knowingly contribute to his downfall and that you’ll help him contact support if and when he’s ready. And then start looking for a new home.

Poor man, even though he is being an idiot .
I agree that as he gets more desperate to save this woman from her terrible fate he will start pushing you for money harder and also will want to sell his asset you live in.
You can provide him with the info but he probably won't thank you for it as he's too far in now.
Check you have a cast iron contract and that your deposit is protected

Just say no, you're money is committed but that you've just been watching a netflix documentary about scams and you're worried that his stor sounds very similar and is he sure she is who she saw she is?

Or have the documentary on and let him hear it as he passes through and hope it causes him to reflect.

I think benhonest though because its better to end up wherever you end up with this with a clean conscious. Many people even do equity release for this stuff, it's truly devastating (and there really is a netflix series about this called Love Rats).

have you contacted the police? I work in adult social services and we often have reports for this type of thing, the police can’t usually get the money back but they will have a word with the person and warn them about scams ect. Sometimes this is enough to help people realise what they’ve been doing (not always unfortunately).

If this were a friend or relative I would agree but this is someone she only has a business relationship with and she can't get too involved in case there is backlash

If you've seen a picture of the 'woman' (it's almost certainly a man) you can do a Google Reverse Image search which will likelty show that she's a porn star or model. It might be a start to show your landlord that this woman is not who she says she is. However, if he's deep in denial there will be plenty of reasons why 'she' needs to borrow a profile picture from someone famous.

I would honestly do the same. I think it is the best way forward and will at least plant a seed of doubt without coming out with it straight and risk him not believing you.

Do you want to buy his property? I'd take that angle if so.

Dr Phil did a TV slot on this, they found the woman whose pictures were used and she was invited on the show. She was equally a victim as they stop her identity.

Even then the male victim didn’t want to believe it.

You could contact the police or print off some articles but the problem is- these people want to believe it so badly that even when presented with concrete evidence they dont. I've watched a few love rat series and the tinder swindler and the people on there even said their family/friends gave them evidence of it being a scam and they STILL refused to accept it.

Absolutely no way would I be giving him money though- you'll never get that back and I;d be very wary that he'll have to sell the house soon

If you know who he banks with it might be worth having a chat with them, he’s also vulnerable by the sounds of it so it might also be worth seeing if you can speak to social services who might be able to support or failing that your local community police officers. He needs a good talking to but you’re right he probably won’t listen to you.

i work with victims of fraud a lot and deal with scams education and people usually will listen to those in authority - not always - but it’s worth a try.

Unfortunately if he's resorting to asking you to lend him money then there's a very good chance that all his other sources of credit have been exhausted, including probably extracting as much equity as he can from the house (that you share?) via secured loans. I don't think you'll be there much longer (neither will he).

Has he no family who can help? I've previously referred an elderly neighbour to the local social services safeguarding team where there was financial abuse, and they did try to help, although ultimately it's his money and if he wants to give it away like that he's entitled to do so.

I'm always amazed at old men who genuinely believe a much younger women has any interest in them and it cannot possibly be a scam. No fool like an old fool.
As above, print off similar known scams and give them to him.

I'd be more concerned that he'll be kicking you out to sell the house!

Don't worry about him, worry about yourself and start looking elsewhere for a place to live. His financial mess is his to deal with.