To feel utterly burnt out

[Justkeepswiimming]

I separated from my ex 4 years ago. After a horrible marriage breakdown over several years, I had hoped I'd feel like has got a bit easier. But to be honest, steadily over that time it has got very much harder.

I honestly feed like I've got nothing left to give. I'm perpetually grumpy, irritable, I've got terrible brain fog, perpetually exhausted. I can deal with a genuine emergency (cool as a cucumber dealt with a lad getting hit by a car outside a school last week), but a minor inconvenience at home is likely to send me over the edge.

I've dabbled with antidepressants for years but I don't want to be reliant on them. I take them, things improve, I feel like I'm back on top of it so I stop taking them and gradually they slump back probably further than before.

I feel like I'm being completely pathetic and have no idea how to help myself. I did try nhs cbt, both after my daughter was born and then more recently and I don't feel it's helped. What can I do!? I'm mentally exhausted.

that sounds tough. I’ve had similar burn out and chronic stress experience. Like you talking and anti depressants didn’t seem to help me feel restored.
in my effort to deal with this I’m learning about the vagus nerve and the impact it can have on me. I’ve watched YouTube and just got some books and hoping a somatic change will give me a reset.

all the exercises seem doable and free!

this might be of value to you too.

I hope things pick up for you

How old are you OP?

Just out of curiosity.

You described me. I'm peri menopausal I've discovered x

@MessyNeate I'm 35. I have wondered about this. I'm on a coil at the moment to manage awful periods. I now wonderfully have no periods, so I'm not certain of my cycle, but certainly some times of the months seem incredibly hard. So I do feel some of this is hormonal, but equally not all. I've looked into peri menopause, but I wondered if I was a bit young. Equally I hope it is because I really hope it won't get much worse 🙈

@TinnedTina I'd really like practical things I can do myself, so these are helpful. Thank you i will look into these.

HRT & cutting back carbs helped me x

I have been under constant stress and pressure since 2018.

Things I've found which helped are consistently taking antidepressants. They take a while to work but do feel like they're propping me up.

I have taken a high dose of HRT.

I break everything down into manageable pieces. I don't need to clean the whole house, I need to do a part of a room type thinking.

It's also ok to let yourself rest.

OP I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through right now.

@TinnedTina I'm trying to find out more about the vagus nerve too! Are there any particular books/YouTube vidoes that you'd recommend? The amount of info out there can sometimes feel a bit overwhelming! Thanks in advance :)

Irene Lyon is very good IMO.

Would you be willing to try the anti-depressants again but stay on them? You say you take them and things get better, but then you stop taking them and slump down again. There's no harm or shame in taking them on an ongoing basis - many people do! As a comparison, if you had high blood pressure and were given meds for it, would you stop taking them because your blood pressure improved, or would you keep taking them to stay in that improved state? If they help you, let them keep on helping.

Hello OP! Meet your pal, me!

exactly the same. Can cope with actual emergencies yet I catastrophise to the point where I had therapy a few months ago to try to come up with coping strategies.

i don’t have much advice to offer you other than I want you to know that you’re not alone even if it feels like it.

xx

From your initial post, I thought you were mid-late 40s and peri. That’s quite common to feel like that age. At 35, it’s less common though. You do have a solution though - you said yourself that antidepressants helped. Desire of “not wanting to be dependent on them” isn’t something I understand. It’s like saying I don’t want to be dependent on blood pressure medication or blood thinners. If that’s what you need and what helps, then that’s what you need. Otherwise, look into ADHD. But that also comes with medication.

@youngoldthing thank you for your message. It is sometimes good to know you aren't alone. Sending positive vibes.

@Kafka999 I suppose I've hoped it's a transient thing, not a permanent state of being. To accept reliance on antidepressants to not feel awful all the time is a bit depressing in itself. However I do agree. And I know that's probably the most easy solution to this situation.