Should I be worried my partner is Cheating?

[McLeodXEilidh]

should I be worried my partner is cheating?
so I have been with my partner for 3yrs and have never once felt suspicious or thought that he would cheat.
I unexpectedly fell pregnant and found out I was further along than I thought I would be. My partner did not take this well at all!
It took him a couple of weeks to come to terms with it and then he became supportive and got excited about it quickly.
Then when things settled down we went on a weekend away, his phone was connected to his car as it usually was and a women called him let’s say her name is (Hannah) he didn’t answer and said “I don’t know why she’s calling she’s an old work colleague”
I didn’t think anything about it. Then a few days later he was showing me his phone and she called again, he then took the phone from me and didn’t answer it, I found it slightly weird as usually he would answer his phone to anyone.
I didnt think much off it as I was pregnant at the time and didn’t want to stress out. When I got to around 36 weeks pregnant I was still working and I was getting ready one morning and asked him what his day was looking like out of interest, he said oh I have lunch plans with Hannah today. I said oh I didn’t know you were close pals, he said “she has lots on with her mum ect so I’m going to see her” I thought this was strange as he said they were only work colleagues before???
so he drops me off at work and I tell him to enjoy his lunch, then he says “I’m actually going for dinner with her now” with in the space of an hour.
so during this day at work I was exhausted and tired as I was nearly 9M so my manger lets me go home early before dinner, so I message him that I’m heading home and he didn’t ask how I was feeling ect, he said “okay I’ll be back later” so it gets to 7.30/7.45 and he went to meet her at 4.30.
I asked how diner was when he came home and said it was good but the service from start to finish was 45 mins, so I asked why he was out so long then, he said he was having a drink with her even though he doesn’t drink??
So I decided to not go into it any further as I couldnt comprehend him possibly cheating on me at 9M pregnant, the next weeks rolls around and he meets with her for dinner again, on the same street as my work! I work as a waitress btw. I found it strange and he came to pick me up after my shift? I point black asked him is she single ect.. and he said “no she’s seeing a guy but I don’t think she likes him”
he was obviously nervous even when he picked me up I could see he was. I should have asked him more ect but I decided to drop it as I didn’t want to be stressed. So my baby is now 6M and I just keep getting this gut feeling about it, I knew his phone password but never looked in it before then I saw he changed it to his fingerprint? So tonight he left it open and I went straight to his chat with Hannah.
It wasn’t what I expected as he was very dry with her and it was her making conversation with him and her asking to meet up.
The last time they spoke was last week, I looked right back to early this year and saw that they met up regularly for lunches, whilst I was at work and I didn’t know about.
In the messages there is nothing nasty about me for flirty from his part at all but my heart dropped a bit actually seeing that they were so close, she kept saying she wanted to meet the baby but he has never mentioned it to me, he also sent photos to her and sent her a message the day my baby was born.
I feel as if he’s maybe had a crush on her or something. I don’t really know what they have to talk about and meet up about? should I be concerned and question this? We’ve never had a trust issue but I can’t stop thinking about it.

I think you know the answer to your question and you have to sit him down and ask him to be honest with you and tell you what he plans to do.

He's being deceptive and that would make me suspicious that the relationship isn't purely platonic. At the very least he is enjoying all the attention she is giving him. I also think you have buried your head in the sand about this for a while, even though you know deep down he's up to no good. I think you need to confront him and tell him you want the truth.

Confront him outright, stop wasting time overthinking it and just ask. You're going to make yourself unwell by doing this. Personally don't think it's right and what's to say he doesn't delete all the flirty messages. If anything she sounds like a work wife.

I think he has a little bit of an emotional connection, even if he won't admit it to himself..
I would suggest that you ask to join them for the next lunch, to introduce the baby, given that she is such a helpful friend.
He should be fine with that.
Then start talking about her like she is a mutual friend.

Send her a Christmas card, even, and invite her to baby's first birthday.
How he reacts will be telling.

In the mean time get busy with making your life with DH more interesting. Engage in more outings. Have him do an activity with baby each week, like baby gym or swimming.
Fight for your relationship. Men can be stupid.

Thank you!
I asked him if there are any friends still to meet the baby and I mentioned Hannah seeing him, he closed off and said “no she’s not close enough with us to meet baby”🤷🏼‍♀️

For reference he has a few female friends the difference is that they are all either married or in long term relationships, mostly with children too and I have met all of them as they wanted to meet me. This situation is just different but I feel like I don’t have definite proof that something more was going on?

Since you read the messages and he’s not flirty and quiet cold it doesn’t sound like he’s cheating but maybe he knows she has a thing for him and that’s why he’s weird about it. Either way it’s not something I would be comfortable with. I’d prefer if they hung out with me at least some of the times. I would have a mature chat about it. Just share how it makes you uncomfortable and how you are positive he wouldn’t appreciate you hanging out regularly with a man he’s never met, and that meeting her would help make you feel better.

it doesnt seem like he has cheated, but i do think it has potential to become an affair if their friendship continues as it is. yes men and women can be friends and it not mean anything more, but from experience, it always does. you really need to shut this down as it clearly makes you feel uncomfortable.

There's no flirty messages, nothing nasty about you and the conversation is mainly coming from 'Hannah'. She's even asked to meet the baby! So she clearly knows about you and the fact you both have a baby. He's not admitted to the extra lunches that him and 'Hannah' have been on and he has let you believe their friendship isn't that close, certainly not close enough to meet your baby. Yet you know that 'Hannah' has asked him if she could meet the baby. I don't think your partner has cheated...but he's clearly closer to her than he's let on to you. There's a potential for an emotional affair, at the very least. The problem is, you've snooped through his phone! Unless you're going to be honest and admit that, then it's difficult to confront him over the extra lunches etc. I would insist on meeting her, say that she's clearly a friend of his, and it would be nice for her to meet you and the baby. If he uses the excuse of 'not being a close friend', call him out on that! You don't have frequent lunches with someone who's not a friend, so therefore that's rubbish and is there a particular reason why he doesn't want you meet her? His reaction, should, in all honesty give you the answers you need!

It sounds like he’s rather enjoying the extra attention if nothing else. You need to sit him down and talk this through. It’s not ok.

Honestly....it's probably that 1 person we all have in the back of our minds we'd leave anyone for... Mine died recently so I'm free of that finally but no man does all that and stays that respectable for just any woman. She means the world to him I'm afraid.

People in monogamous relationships should set ground rules for outside friendships. For example, meet the partner, no one on one hangouts with opposite sex friends, if a partner isn't comfortable with these interactions it's not worth jeopardizing your relationship over, etc. solid boundaries are important with opposite sex friendships (unless you're gay and then it would be same sex) and a partner should be supportive in maintaining integrity with ensuring their partner feel secure and comfortable,to the point of prioritizing them over casual friendships. Period. If he wants to act single and essentially go on dates with other women, he shouldn't be in a relationship. Friendships without solid boundaries are a disaster in the making. There's a lot of good YouTube videos on this topic.Regardlessof whether they have crossed the line sexually or with flirting and sex talk, this interaction is the definition of an emotional affair and isa recipe for disaster.

What in 6 months?

When impossible situations are created towards one partner by the other, I think the one creating the situation wants to leave. He's creating his safety net, his comfy landing. He can blame you if you stop his extra relationship and blame you that he needs the relationship.

What about you, your need to have trust and respect?

could it be she has feelings for him? And he wants to maintain the friendship or is offering her support through some issues she’s having but is also trying to keep a distance because he knows she has feelings? From what you describe from the messages it doesn’t sound like they’re having an affair or that he has feelings, possibly the other way round.

Bin him, if he can go to they lengths to hide from you meeting's and conversations and your never invited oh he's defo cheated if not physically defo emotionally , respect yourself .last thing he should've been interested in while your about to pop is catch up with "old work colleagues " he's told you she's not a close enough friend so why you putting up with this bullshit as it is . He messages and goes for lunches dinners woth someone who he can't tell you he's even texting nor does he answer calls infront of you . He's defo had sex with her in hos past and most likely since being back in touch . Open your eyes .

Yeah, there is definitely something off here and I, personally, would be asking him outright about the whole situation. What he is doing isn't right or fair, especially doing all that while you were carrying his child! And going for dinners after work no less, no way would I be accepting of that!
I would sit him down, tell him a white lie about a friend messaging you about seeing the two of them out in a restaurant together so you want to give him the chance to explain his side. If he asks what your friend said tell him it's irrelevant and that you want to hear it from him. See what he responds and what his behaviour is like. Usually when you're with someone as long as you have been with your partner you can tell when they are lying, even if you don't want to believe it's that.
Good luck