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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish my husband could just be grateful for what we have?

8 replies

Orangelight23 · 20/11/2024 20:14

We are approaching 40 and only purchased our first home this year. We bought in a nice area but the house was old fashioned and does an need updated kitchen and bathroom. We have done some work and in my opinion it is coming together nicely and these things take time.

Husband is just so negative about it though and it's really starting to annoy me. Any little issues with the house start him off on a rant and he's always on Rightmove saying how much better other houses are and how we overpaid.

Tonights rant is about how cold this bloody house is. I mean it's an old house and can get quite cold but the heating works fine and I think it's comfortable.

He just always wants more. I think we're so lucky to finally be on the property ladder, 2 fabulous kids, fridge full of food and can afford our bills. There's nothing wrong with aspirations and I want things too but this is something else and it is just bringing me down.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/11/2024 20:17

Why did he buy it then

MissAmbrosia · 20/11/2024 20:19

Hmm. Interesting you use the phrase "on the property ladder" vs having a home. Did you want this one more than him? Would he have preferred something without the work? Or was he equally keen on the house you bought?

ArghMyEars · 20/11/2024 20:21

How long have you been there?
I was the same as your DH for the first 6 months of being in our house. We had rushed covid viewings and certain issues were only visible when the house was empty. My feelings did improve though.

HeddaGarbled · 20/11/2024 20:23

Oh god, yeah, I’ve got one of those. I find ignoring him is the best strategy. Definitely don’t do the trying-to-persuade-him-it’s-not-that-bad thing.

TheErinyes · 20/11/2024 20:26

Tell him this is a pretty much inevitable post-purchase stage for most people, but suggest he shares it with someone else for a bit.

stargazerlil · 20/11/2024 20:30

poor you, other peoples negativity is such a downer.

TheErinyes · 20/11/2024 20:31

HeddaGarbled · 20/11/2024 20:23

Oh god, yeah, I’ve got one of those. I find ignoring him is the best strategy. Definitely don’t do the trying-to-persuade-him-it’s-not-that-bad thing.

When my sister had a particularly bad case of post-purchase remorse, I just leant into it. ‘Yeah, it’s awful. It’s the worst house in the history of houses. It’s probably cursed. It will probably fall down overnight and bury you in the rubble.’ Until she either laughed or started defending her own house. It took time, but she has turned it into a fabulous place — it’s a quirkily-adapted, tiny 18th coachhouse.

EnYar · 20/11/2024 20:38

Most houses are works in progress to some degree. I think of it as a life's work and whilst some days I imagine having everything done instantly, repainting and replacing broken stuff is just par for the course. It’s a mindset thing.

Is he generally impatient or rubbish at DIY or lacking funds to make improvements?

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