To not go to the wedding?

[HallidayJones6779]

Hi all, first of all I would like to say that we haven’t rsvp’d yet - I’m genuinely looking for perspective on this before we go ahead and reply with something that other family members might think is unreasonable.

we are a family of 5; me, DH, DD1 6yo, DD2 2yo and DD3 6 months old. We have been invited to a family wedding (DH cousin) taking place at the end of summer next year (but not in school holidays). This wedding is taking place in a city several hundred miles from us, in a very pricey hotel with no other accommodationalternatives for a family of 5 in a reasonable price/distance from wedding.

This family member is one of DHs cousins. The extended family are really lovely but we aren’t that close and only really see them at other family functions (I think the last time I saw them was about 4-5 years ago at another wedding).

we were quite excited to make a weekend of the wedding initially but having looked at the prices of this hotel and the fact that there aren’t any alternative hotels closeby*, we have come to the conclusion that it might be best if only DH and DD1 go to the wedding.

that way, we can afford one room in the wedding venue itself (we’ve been told we would need to book 2 as a family of 5), DH still attends the wedding and DD1 will love it and be able to stay up a little later to enjoy the party than we probably would if her younger siblings are in tow/we are staying in a different place further away.

im also thinking DHs cousin might not be too upset at 3 of us not going as it will help keep the costs down.

AIBU to reply that only DH and DD1 will attend?

YABU - you should all go, otherwise it’s a bit rude.
YANBU - sounds sensible and it wouldn’t offend me as the bride/groom.

YANBU at all. Dragging small children any distance and then expecting them not to be a nightmare at events when they aren't specifically catered for is purest folly. Do yourself, your younger kids, and your DH's cousin a favour and do exactly as you have proposed.

A perfect decision IMV.

100% YANBU.

That’s what I would do and it will make things easier for everyone.

Its a bit mad that a city doesn't have alternative hotels

If it were me I don’t think any of us would go. You were looking forward to it but now have to sit out because a cousin you last saw 5ish years ago was selfish to book a venue with no cheaper alternatives. I’d keep the money and use it for a weekend away for all of you

Sounds fine to me.

Sounds like a perfect compromise to me. I don’t think you would be unreasonable to decline the invitation altogether given you have three young children.

Not rude at all. Plenty of time to rsvp. Definately makes sense to go with what your budget allows. And at least some of you can attend.

It's an invitation, the people that want to go go, the people that don't stay away. I'd send the RSVP with whatever works for you on it and not give it another thought.

@whatcanthematterbe81 - although it’s a city, the specific hotel is in a business district, really on the outskirts… so not a location you would expect to find families really.

Im glad our plan sounds reasonable!!! Thanks all xx

Does the hotel not do twin rooms ? Like 2dbls and get a travel cot ? Or if the twin is a DBL and sgl get a roll out bed along with a travel cot
With young children most hotels will add in extra bedding rather than have them in separate/adjoining rooms

We are also a family of 5 and have found if you try and book online it isn't possible to book one room, but if you ring the hotel and tell them you're booking one and bringing an extra baby they will often accommodate. Sometimes you have to pay a small amount (£10 or £20) but it is doable. Have you tried that?

@Wendysfriend - no, it’s quite bizarre really. It only has rooms for two people (so it will let you book 1x adult and 1x child in a room or 2 adults). They have ‘connecting’ rooms but that’s where the price becomes way too much as we then have to pay for two rooms. I guess it’s because in the location, they tend to cater for business travellers rather than families.i

@whoami24601 - admittedly, I haven’t called them. I did wonder whether they might be able to do something if I called but then I was quite content with the conclusion we had reached about DH and DD1 going so I didn’t bother.

Are you doing it online or phoning?

Some hotels you have to phone to arrange the extra people in the rooms

Sorry crossed post

I'd give them a call

Could you not just book a cheaper hotel and drive to the venue and back?

I’ll probably give them a call just so we have the full picture of how much it will cost and what’s possible from a hotel point of view. I don’t want to use it as a reason not to go if it isn’t actually a roadblock. I think other posters commenting on LOs being difficult travelling so far for a wedding is also something we need to continue to consider! I’m still thinking the conclusion we have come to is probably the right one.

Read the op again

We thought about this but it would be quite a long journey to another part of the city. So it would mean that either 1) all of us will need to leave early for whatever time the littlest one needs to go to bed (my kids have never done well when they get overstimulated and overtired).
or 2) I’ll end up leaving early with two of them and DH and DD will probably stay a bit later and get a taxi…. And if I have to leave early with the two little ones, I question whether it’s worth going at all and spending all that money. At least if we were all in the same place, DH and I could swap over being in the room with the kids whilst the other enjoys the party thru the evening

I think what you are proposing is lovely.

Nobody is going to have fun with a 6yr, 2yr and 6 month old, whereas 6 yr old and her Daddy will have a ball, and it will be FAR more relaxing to stay at home with the 2 little ones that trying to take them all that distance, pack for them all, keep them quiet at the wedding, get them all out of routines , etc etc.

Your plan is excellent, whatever the hotel arrangements could / might be.