I'd rather not go than ask for a favour

[itsallbowlsbaby]

I never realised this was such a sticking point for me but I absolutely hate, hate, hate asking for favours. DH has booked us tickets to a show for our anniversary this Friday but our regular babysitter has fallen through. No family nearby. DH doesn't have many 'friend friends" we can ask so it's fallen to me, owner of all the Mum friends and in touch with the school Mums. I do want to go, but I just cannot bring myself to ask someone to help. Is this normal?

How about asking if your mum friends have any babysitter recommendations. It allows them to volunteer if they’re willing.

It's maybe not 'normal' but not super unusual either.

How about using a paid babysitter service like sitters.co.uk?

This ten times over!!

It is very normal for me. I hate feeling like I am being cheeky or may put someone in an awkward position. I even feel funny asking family members who I know would immediately say yes if at all possible.
Like you, I would rather cancel that put someone in the spot.

I have never liked asking people for babysitting-I feel like that’s a paid job I wouldn’t ask people to do for free! I’d rather pay a younger relative or neighbour.

Very normal for me. I hate asking for favours as well. I like the suggestion of asking for a recommendation though, I wouldn't have thought of that.

Definitely this! It used to come up
often on our primary school thread and there were some good recommendations including responsible older teenage siblings and nursery workers who were local.

Good idea! I'll try this...

I'm exactly the same. Dh thinks I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face but hate hate hate asking for any favours even more so if it involves the kids

Thing is, DS will be asleep so it's not as if anyone will have to look after him. They can just sit in my living room and watch the TV in peace. It won't be a hardship, and I would do it for a friend in a heartbeat, but I just cannot bring myself to ask! It just feels so cheeky and like I'm putting them out.

I'm the same OP! I haaaate asking for favours.

However, loads of people ask me for favours all the time and I never mind, so I'm sure noone will mind you asking! Try it, it might be ok!

They ate adults, if they offer to do it, they are choosing to be put put. You aren't forcing them. I agree woth the great suggestion of asking for recommendations. State the night in the initial request and hopefully you will either get some good recommendations or another mum will come forward with an offer of a reciprocal set up where you owe them a night.

I occasionally, as a single parent, needed to be out in the evening. I found that my neighbours and local friends who had teenagers were often reluctant for their children to babysit more than a couple of hours. So for the big evenings out (ie theatre, opera etc with longer travel times) I would pay for someone from the nurseries (I kept in touch with those lovely ladies for years) or a TA from school. Although around me, even from primary, families would host sleepovers that never seemed to apply to boys.

I remember my mum having a babysitting circle - vouchers/credits etc. That no longer seems to exist but a great idea. My babysitting costs were more than my entire evening normally! So sorry OP you do need to ask and offer. It really does help.

I would struggle to ask unless I was very close to them and my child knew them well enough too.

It’s usually Sod’s Law that the one night they struggle to settle or wake up is the time you have plans so I wouldn’t be asking just anyone.

And just a tip ... When I had to ask for a favour for the first time ever, recently, I realised it was soooo much easier to send a group message than ask a single person. That way you know the person doesn't feel put on the spot and no-one needs reply if they don't want to. You could try that?

'hi all! I wonder if anyone could do me a huge favour!!? DH has booked tickets for ..... next Saturday .... and I wondered if anyone would be able to babysit X and y for me? I'll leave you some wine and nibbles!! ;) or could anyone recommend a babysitter!? thank you!!...'

Just ask for recommendations if you are happy and willing to pay - I suspect quite a few will be able to recommend

that isn’t a favour it is simply asking for information

I agree with a group message. I'd include something in the message about your usual babysitter not being available so that they undyou do usually sort hese things out fine. I feel it would reassure anyone fearful of you becoming a cheeky fucker.

Hello all, anyone know of local babysitters please? Bad luck means our usual person isn't available on x date and we have tickets that would be a shame to miss out on. Happy to pay the going rate of course or do a swap if that suits anyone better! Thanks!

You might be surprised. My friends like to babysit for one another so they can watch what they want on TV and in peace!

Dh is the same. What rely really frustrates me is that he has absolutely no problem doing favours for other people. I can point out that wedid x or y for thay friend so asking them to have dd for a few hours is no big deal.... but no, he cant see it. Drives me absoluty barmy.

I agree re a group message. Also, be clear you are happy to return the favour.

You are right not to ask this !! You want some parent to leave their own home to sit in your house for the night ?
I would think you were really cheeky asking this .
Of course you just ask for a sitter recommendation and pay them . It's not a 'favour ' . It's a payable job .

I feel the same as you op yet I love doing favours for other people so try to think they hopefully feel the same if I ever do ask.

There is a babysitting app that DD gets work through, would that be an option?

I don't know why people make such a fuss about babysitters... surely you have friends who have teenagers or nieces or pay babysitters from.the crèche or whatever...just get a number and pay someone.

This is great.

Asking for information really, or offering a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Separately, I don't have any issue asking for help when I need it, but I am a person who will always help others if I can. There is a balance to it - even if it isn't a direct exchange with another person, it is knowing you help people if you can. I do think that is key.

To all Mummy's out there please, please do not be afraid to ask favours. I had to have a strong chat with a good friend recently who has no family near by. They are very independent to the determent of themselves and their kids. Was delighted that after this chat that they did actually ask for help with one child for a few nights. My kids loved having them and I was delighted they could ask for help. Just ask a friend and they can only say no. I would prefer a friend than someone I did not know to mind my children.

Childcare.co.uk you’ll get a babysitter in no time. I think asking friends is cheeky