Why is my two and a half year old behaving this way ? Is something wrong with him ?

[stippl]

He's turning into a menace.

I keep getting reports from nursery that he hits, pushes, wants to go first all the time, snatches.

Sometimes he doesn't listen.

He winds up his older sister a lot too.

He seems to find it fun.

What can I do ? ?

Anyone ??

Normal but tackleable!

DD tried it. Physically stopping them. Hands on shoulders, eyeball: "No Peter, we do not hit, we do not punch, we do not xx (add as appropriate)"
Remove from situation to somewhere boring. Do this until you think it cannot possibly be sinking in and it will.

Just before nursery, as you go in: "I am looking forward to hearing about your good behaviour today! What are you going to do that is kind?"

Consider employing these bad boys over the next 6 weeks too 😁

theimaginationtree.com/kindness-elves/

When doesn't he listen?

What is he trying to snatch?

Why is he hitting?

How do people react when he is being a 'menace'?

I'm going to assume that he hasn't got many words yet so hitting/snatching is his way of communicating.
If he is doing something he wants to do and you want him to do something for you, then not listening is a common child trait!
If you or your child are overreacting when you are hit or have something snatched out of your hands that will show him that if he behaves this way, someone will communicate with him.
Stop reacting.

He doesn't really hit at home though. The very rare occasion I've seen it, I've done what you say. I also have a chat with him before nursery like you suggest.

They say they ' just remove him ' and have a chat with him, when he misbehaves there. I honestly don't know what to do.

He actually speaks a lot for his age. In sentences and has a good back and forth dialogue too.

I asked him why did he hit today and he said ' because I wanted phone ' so I guess they have a phone. He then said the teachers name and said 'Charlotte took phone so I was angry '.

When he's at home and he fights with his sister, if he snatches I tell him off and put him in time out.

I try to distract him or some of the things he does, because reacting makes him do it more.

The issue seems at nursery. He doesn't like going there.

"He doesn't like going there" - there's your answer.

Do this until you think it cannot possibly be sinking in and it will

This is THE BEST advice. Two year olds can be soul-destroying, but with consistent treatment they do learn eventually. Just make sure you and the nursery staff are using the same strategies, same language etc.

And don't worry. He's behaving normally. Civilising toddlers is a grind, but it gets better.

My Dc used to push peers similar age when he was 2.5 as well. It will pass if you keep up the strategies and keep modelling good behaviour. I remember watching mine approach non verbal peer and ask for a toy, when the other child didn’t respond verbally my child just took it. Cue tears! If he is ahead / good with word he might be doing what’s been taught but the others not responding as he expects.

Or, he might just be barging in. Difficult when you are not there to see

Well, the nursery seem concerned. I'm not sure exactly what they think is wrong with him, but they seem concerned and are tracking his behaviour.

He tells me every day that he wants to stay home with me and that he gets sad and cries when I go home and that he doesn't want me to go home.

U

He tells me at night before he falls asleep ' mummy I don't want you to go home '. It's very sad. He used to love going. But the last few couple of months, he's been unhappy and the reports of bad behaviour have intensified.

Maybe it would be better to keep him at home?

He's two. There's no cure but a straight jacket and a big roll of packaging tape.

This would be concerning to me. I use a childminder (who is lovely) and my two year old shouts "yaaaay!!" every morning when we get to her door, and tells me she wants to see her friends there. This evening she asked if childminder could come back home to our house to keep playing with her 🙈

Could you find a setting he enjoys more? I'm sure that will stop the hitting - sounds like he's lashing out because he's unhappy there

I work

I just want to reassure you that I'm sure it's just a phase he's passing through. My son as a little boy was similar until about 4 and then he's been fabulous since, and is a kind and fun nearly sixteen year old now. I remember one day telling him off and then him crying and saying " Im a bad boy" and it broke my heart. He was just little and spirited, and I think a little immature perhaps

@raffegiraffe in the thick of it with my 3yo son hitting at nursery and needed to read this , thank you

Is he getting enough of the right attention at nursery, I wonder? Have they decided he is ‘naughty’ and they can abrogate responsibility? To me, from what you say, he needs to be taken care of a bit more. If Charlotte takes phone and he hits her, shouldn’t someone be supporting him a bit more and keeping Charlotte or whoever away?

How long has he been going there? Is he an only child?

No he's not an only child.

He's been in his current room there for 6 months. He's been at nursery for 1 head in total.

' charlotte ' is the teacher. He gets stickers and stuff like that.

They don't seem that cuddly and warm at all: they seem fed up and stressed tbh.

My DD has worked in a nursery setting and some are great, some are good, some are ok and some are awful. And some don’t suit that child… if you are wondering if this nursery suits your child, go and see others. Fed up and stressed and showing that to parents…..doesn’t sound great…

What consequences do you impose when he does things like this?

What actions are you taking to monitor him and head off aggressive behaviour before he hurts others?

So what you are doing is good but with toddlers its a long game, it can take years before you look back and think "gosh he's loads better now"