Can toddlers pretend to be hurt? Worried/ anxious mother

[Rose1988xxxx]

I am a major worrier and panic at the slightest things

2 and half year old complained of a headache a few weeks ago and it's sent me into over drive

She had constipation so often gets tummy ache (I can always tell she's actually uncomfortable or in a little pain)

The other night when I put her to bed, she told me her head was sore, then her belly was sore, then her arm was sore. She didn't seem in pain and she eventually went to sleep (this triggered me though)

Today I've gone to put her for her nap. She got up numerous times, she then said her head was sore, along with her tummy and knee. She then proceeded to run out of her room to escape going to bed. She eventually went to sleep
Could she really be saying there things because she knows it will get my attention?

I'm so anxious and paranoid when it comes to things like this

I think I would take her to the gp to be checked over just in case. Might be nothing, but you rather just be sure.

I mean yes but get it checked anyways

Dogs can pretend to be hurt!

Yes, if you respond in a very attentive way when she says this kind of thing, it's possible she's saying it to get the attention. That's normal toddler behaviour - it's part of finding out how the world works ("what happens if I say this / do that?").

Yes totally. Especially when they work out it pushes your buttons.

Toddlers are self centred and power seeking. Fact.

Honestly I don't think I've helped myself of the situation, as I tend to now frequently ask her 'does your tummy hurt' 'does your head hurt' and I know I'm to blame , but my anxiety it terrible at the moment

I know it's hard, but try to stop doing that OP.

Is it only at bedtime? Sounds like shes having you on

They can but always worth getting it checked out at the doctor's.

@Kneebonefuture all the 'pains' are only at bed time ,

but she'll occasionally have the tummy pain during the day, but I know that is real pain and is due to her constipation medication which I can cope with

You really need to try to stop asking her, watch for cues instead.

Another thing to bear in mind is that, just because they have good speech, doesn’t mean they have full understanding of what they say. Mine used to complain that his tummy hurt no matter what the actual issue. Made diagnosing an ear infection difficult! Similarly, I bet if she says that something hurts she gets more of a cuddle and reassurance from you? That’s totally normal and totally natural for her to then say something hurts when what she really means is she wants a cuddle.

All of that aside, if you’re really worried then pop her to the GP.

I don't think you need to go to the GP for your daughter occasionally saying she has a pain. She's working out how to get different responses from you, especially if it's only at bedtime - they are clever little things!

However, are you getting any help for your anxiety? Being sent into a panic by small things like this must be exhausting- can you try some techniques to bring down your response. It's very easy to pass neuroses onto children and I'd be more worried about that than a small tummy ache....

Ok, my daughter did this whenever it was a school day, but miraculously was always fine on a weekend. My gut would be saying she's a faker. But if you're still worried take her to gp as there would still be a niggle if you're a worrier.

@CouchSweetPotatoes thank you for your reply

I agree, I really need to stop asking as this is most likely causing her to say these things

She doesn't seem to be in pain or discomfort when she said all these things hurt, sometimes she will even refund to previous time when she actually hurt said body part , for example if I ask about the sore eblow , she said 'I fell over in the garden and hurt it' which was something that happened weeks ago

@LaLaLouella I do actually have an appointment with my GP next week about my anxiety, as I feel it is getting out of control 😫 I've had a few things in the last few months that have really triggered my anxiety

Im like this too. If you get anything that helps please could you let me know @Rose1988xxxx

There's very good advice on managing constipation here

eric.org.uk/advice-for-children-with-constipation/

Glad I'm not alone!

I will do

Is there anyone in her life, including you, who complains of these pains? When I was having really bad morning sickness my 2.5 year old kept telling nursery she felt sick and also sometimes weak or dizzy. We eventually worked out she was imitating me and we all learnt to watch her rather than listen to her. On the other hand the next child says she’s fine even if she has a broken bone!

@Applesandpears23 possibly my husband as he suffers with headache

But I did also notice , she had been watching a few shows that are about 'being poorly ' there was a few peppa pig ones that she had watched about her being poorly, so I'm wondering if she's also picked something up from here?

I think it depends how you react when you're unsure. I never ask if DD hurts, I want for her to volunteer it and if I get even a sniff that it's untrue she gets tested with a sympathetic consequence

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry, that's not nice at all. I can stay with you for a bit but that means we will need to: stop having ice cream after tea/cancel the trip to the park tomorow and rest in bed/not go to the trampoline park in case you get hurt again."

From what you've said, it sounds like she's trying it on. I will say that as she gets older, nighttime growing pains are real and I've spent many hours with DD for just this.

Toddlers are pretty astute - if she's worked out that saying something hurts is a good way of getting your attention, she's more than likely playing on it. You can usually tell if they're really ill/in pain so try and keep calm and don't jump to give her loads of attention for it, especially if it's only happening when she wants to avoid bed/nap time!

I think young kids learn pretty quickly what works for getting their own way and attention. Also, they copy what they hear others say. And a 2YO doesn’t have fully developed language so may say things hurt when they just don’t like the feel of something e.g. don’t want to be under the covers for their nap, feeling uncomfortable lying down because they’re not tired (or are overtired!) and they’ll say their legs hurt because they can’t express all of the above. If it’s happening when she’s fighting sleep, she doesn’t actually seem in pain (which you’re obviously good at recognising from the constipation) and you’re leading her into it by asking questions then I’d be inclined to think it’s behavioural.

Sounds like a good idea, I’m glad you’re looking after yourself.

If it's only at bedtime then I think it's just a delay tactic.