To struggle with drop in communication/end of honeymoon period?

[EvieR]

I have a good partner who has a full on job. He usually keeps in touch well but now is a busy period. When we met he messaged all the time, in the last 2 months that amount has roughly halved. We're over a year in.

He phoned me for 1.5 hours at the weekend. Yesterday he told me he was going to lunchtime event that he knows is also a topic close to my heart (a charity related to a close relative's illness) so I asked him to let me know how the event goes and he replied 'will do'.

I sent him a photo of something and asked how the event was at 5pm when I finished work. He 'liked' my message but didn't reply or answer the question. He also hasn't messaged all morning.

Am I a being needy or has his communication become crap?

Just reading through OP, you're not sounding as thought you've conveyed a neediness here. It sounds to me like you're sense checking.

If something happened that was exciting or of interest to my OH I'd definitely want to communicate it before being together in person.
However, obviously none of us know whether this is just a sign of your partner relaxing into your relationship. I do think there should be room for give and take and you can find a balance.

It doesn't sound like you've badgered him on it but maybe you can have a conversation when you're next together.

Think I maybe didn’t explain it or you read it wrong. the context - He went radio silent on me and he decided my texts didn’t need a reply and he wanted to chill. My texts were asking what days he was free to do something. Asked if he got day off work as was waiting on this to book tickets. Read and not replied. They were not pointless texts of how was your day.

this was as we got back together after breaking up as he was rubbish at communicating.

Every relationship moves on to a more comfortable phase. You do sound a little high maintenance. He shouldn’t feel as though he has to text you constantly. I feel you should maybe lower your text expectations.

I feel the same. Even at the height of a new relationship, I used to find it really exhausting and off-putting to have to be in touch all the time.

@EvieR Use the shift from honeymoon period to re-establish areas of your own life that you may have neglected while falling in love. Do you have quality time with friends and family - days out, weekends away, training for sports events, learning new skills together? Are you working on fitness and career progression? Are you going to talks and exhibitions and events that fascinate you? Volunteering for charities connected to things you feel strongly about?

Be so busy and engaged with your own exciting life that you don't have time to hover, fretting about when he'll call, and then when you do both catch up, you have plenty to talk about.

Sorry to hear about your relative OP, that's really tough.

It doesn't matter whether randoms think regular texting is 'too much' or 'constant', or whether they find a once a week text more than sufficient for them and their partners- what matters is what is usual for you and your partner.

If your 'norm' is (for example) to text daily, morning and evening, then dropping to once a day, or missing a day, is unusual and warrants some thought.

My partner and I, before he moved in, would text daily, many times a day, with the addition of phone calls for longer news/catch ups on the days we weren't seeing each other. He would remember if I was due to do something (like lunch with my sister) and would text to ask how it went. That is (or was) our 'norm', so if he hadn't texted at all one day I would find it worrying. It's irrelevant if other people would find it suffocating- it's how we worked.

I think for now, I'd keep an eye on it and see if it drops off more and if it does, I'd mention it to him and see what his reaction is. That reaction will probably give you the answer you need.

I hate blokes like this. Not sure why they can't keep up the level of investment set by them in the beginning. Excluding out of the ordinary situations of course.

I'm not sure I agree with the majority of posters on here, sorry OP as this might not be what you want to hear...but he knows this was a sensitive topic to you and a close relative isn't well. To me that is pretty heartless to ignore you after nearly 24 hours? To me that shows someone doesn't particularly care that much.

My first serious partner was like that. He definitely picked & choose when he communicated with me, basically when it suited him and he would never go out of his way, even when my late Grandad was dying in hospital, I was still the one doing the chasing!

My current DP would pick up the phone in the middle of the night to me...

Whilst dropping levels of chat as a relationship settles might be normal, it's actually rude imo to say you'll let someone know how a specific event went and then just ignore them for 24 hours.

That's not a calming down in communications, that's specific rudeness

@ARichtGoodDram it does feel a bit rude to me.

We just had a really nice long call two days beforehand, so it's not like we had words to inspire him being off with me.

You bumped your thread in 19 minutes which in fairness comes across as a bit needy

I think you have begun a thread because on some level you sense he has lost a little interest. I would change this around by letting him contact me and I would also back away and become a little less co dependant. If he is still very interested you will know and he will come back to you, if he is still apathetic and things drift then you have your answer. Good luck op xx

Very typical of men. They can't juggle a lot mentally especially when something important is going on at work. Just be patient. It doesn't mean he loves you any less. Just he has to focus on something else right now.

He's just messaged. Well, I saw them come in, haven't read yet!

I do feel like he's lost a bit of interest. I'm not shiny and new anymore. But neither is he! It goes both ways. We don't need to expect honeymoon period but being considerate matters.

@Autumnweddingguest the issue is I can't do all of these usual things id do because I'm watching over a relative half the time. I am taking breaks though. What you say is a good philosophy for normal times!

@PippaKing truth is, I'm not sure which category he fits into yet.

He can be wonderful and considerate, and the I won't hear from him in the next moment. I think I need to watch and see for a while. Glad your current partner is great!

You’re over a year in, so honeymoon period is certainly over and you’re in the ‘normal’.

This means, like it or not, that you will take each other for granted a little bit more at times, eg crave alone time when busy/ away, and not be in constant contact.

Other times you’ll crave each other more and want to be together and talking non-stop.

You should also feel a bit more comfortable and confident in your communication with him and feel free to call him when you really need him and tell him that, without worrying about ‘double textung’ or ‘being left on read’. People become more blasé about these things once they’re properly together because they know they’ve got each other. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, shows comfort

I agree with this. I wouldn't like it if communication suddenly slowed without a reason. It would make me wonder what was going on and where his head was.

Why is your way right though? This might be what you prefer but not what someone else does.

Regarding communication, it would unnerve me but I'm quite anxious so possibly pick up on cues that don't exist.

That's part of me, so - and because I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable - I would probably ask him. I'm not saying go all in, guns blazing, but just query and explain simply how it made you feel. I think if someone is right for you, then you should be able to discuss issues like this a year in.

And to add (unwarranted!) I've had a situation like yours and felt something was off. It was, he shortly afterwards ended things, and was just avoiding telling me because he was a wimp. But if he had really liked me - and was just busy with work for example, I honestly don't think a simple chat would have fazed him. At a year in, I don't think second guessing and suppressing needs is helpful. Communicate your worries. It makes for a more secure relationship. I hope it works out.

Was he very intense in the early days? Lots of messages and the whole ‘I’ve never felt like this before’ type thing? There’s a certain type who do that then pull back.
I’ve been with my OH for 2 years. We are long distance and likely to stay that way for some time. He’s very consistent with his contact. We text good morning, share our Heardle results 😄 message at lunch time then only later if there’s something interesting to share but in the evening we watch TV simultaneously (together separately!). We don’t phone chat that much, that’s just what works for us. But it’s been consistent for a long time. I’m neurodivergent and anxious and this reassures me.