To be angry at my Dad

[Justkeepswiimming]

I'm 35 for context. Live on my own with my daughter.

Recently I went on holiday with my dc, parents and siblings. I work really hard to make a success of these holidays. I sort the food, do the driving so my parents don't have to etc. Generally try and make it a nice week for everyone.

My Dad had been a bit grumpy all week, trying to goad me into an argument (we have vastly differing political views) which i had ignored all week. On the final night he encouraged us to go out for a drink and said he'd stay and look after dc who had already been put to bed and were asleep. So we did. Had a few drinks in town and about 2 hours later received a call from him telling us how angry he was that we were out to late.

Instead of going to bed (nobody had suggested or asked him to wait up) he waited for us (all 30s or older) to bollock us about being late. I was so cross with him and still am. He clearly in hindsight had it in mind to spoil the holiday which we'd all really looked forward to. I assume something else is eating him up, but he won't be honest, so has used this ridiculous situation to try and direct his anger. I told him there and then that he had no right to tell me what to do or tell me off for being out late. I asked him if he had a problem with looking after the kids, which he said he didn't. I asked what his issue was and he said he had no idea where we were, that we could have been in hospital for all he knew. Which was ridiculous as we were exactly where we'd said we would be, doing exactly what we'd agreed last than 2 hours after we had left. Basically he's trying to turn this onto us and make it our fault.

We have barely spoken since and things were left with a bad feeling. I'm furious that he's done this and spoilt any further holidays, as I cannot trust this to not happen again. We are all together again at christmas and I'm dreading bad feeling. My mum has said he's still chuntering about our bad behaviour, so clearly he's not letting it go. I live alone with my dc. I am my own agent. For 99% of the time he has no clue where I am, as we don't like close. I certainly don't feel the need to check in with someone after less than 2 hours.

Am I being unreasonable. How to I deal with this going forward.

YANBU, he sounds like a pain in the neck.

Your poor mother having to be married to him.

I know it’s easy to say, but can you just look at him blankly, and say “both of us know this is about something else, I won’t be apologizing so can you either spit it out, or grow up!”

I'm assuming you were all staying in one house/villa and that ytoyour rents are still together.
from what you've posted I don't think you've done anything wrong.

I'd maybe try one more time to discuss with him with a view to calming things down....but only because Christmas is round the corner......otherwise I'd let him stew in his own juice

.. sorry ...I assume your parents are still together

@Interlaken I may well just do that if he starts to stir the pot. I'm happy to put on a front over Christmas and make sure that it's not spoilt for everyone but if he says something in just my hearing perhaps that could be my response.

@Itsallfunngamesuntil yes we were all together and they are still together somehow!

I'd not bother going on holiday with them again, which is probably what he wants. Get through Christmas and then start to build your own traditions. Time to leave your parents to it.

@Tel12 perhaps you're right. Maybe he doesn't enjoy the holidays with us. Which is a shame because I'm very close to my Mum.

It sounds to me as though you generally clash with each other anyway and this was just another clash point. You say you are 35 but your post reads more like a teenager complaining about their parent. Plenty of people have different political views but still get on.

What time were you out, was it late? If I was babysitting and the parent was due back the same night (as in, not staying out overnight) I wouldn't go to bed either, I'd be waiting up.

If he'd been grumpy all week there is obviously something wrong, perhaps he is unwell, perhaps he's worried about something, who knows. You won't know unless you patch things up.

@HoHoHoliday interesting interpretation of my post. He has previously looked after the kids and not waited up. So that should clear that point up. I think he treated his adult children like teenagers and that is the crux of my issue. We were out until 11.30. So not the early hours of the morning.

Also I avoid any conversation about politics with him from experience. This however does not stop him from goading. Im well aware different people have different views, however he does not tolerate this at all.