Another in-law problem

[user1491242213]

The relationship I have with my in-laws is okish. 6 months ago my in-laws had a disagreement with me BIL and his wife they have spoken since but I don’t think things will ever be the same FIL in particular said some very hurtful things.
in typical fashion for them BIL wife got the blame for it all (not her fault in the slightest) and I now seem to be getting the cold shoulder too. I had nothing to do with their argument and openly said to both parties and I didn’t want be involved and wouldn’t be taking sides. Fast forward to now MIL is ignoring any messages I send or simply responding with one word answers. I would guess that I am getting part blame too.

in all honesty I couldn’t care less if we don’t see them they are not people i would choose to spend time with due to their views and general opinions. However for my husbands sake I keep these views to myself always make them welcome etc.

this is more a rant than anything, just find it frustrating. I try and make an effort and it thrown back in my face i would stop making the effort but then i will get the blame for them not seeing their son. It’s a loose loose situation.

maybe divorce is the answer 🤣

Honestly talk to your dh and tell him that you no longer want to facilitate contact and that you will happily take part in his family stuff but he has to now communicate with his DM. It is not your responsibility to keep their relationship going it is his. If you get the blame so be it but as long as you and your dh are on the same page it does not matter.

Just stop making the effort
Sounds like you did nothing and got the blame anyway so who cares? Your DH can arrange any meetings/phone calls etc and you can go or not go as you choose

Why wouldn’t they see their son? He can see them whenever he likes. You don’t need to facilitate it or be there. Just step back and cease contact or involvement.

This.

Also, possibly reach out to the other 'injured party' here - your BiL's wife who is also apparently shouldering some blame for something. There is safety in numbers ;) ;)

Stop contacting them. They're not your family, they are his. I do not contact my mother in law because she's not a nice person, has shown several times just how little interest she has in her son and grandchildren (it's zero) and honesty, I just cannot be arsed. I've got friends and family who I want to be friends with and in contact with. If and when you see them, be pleasant, friendly and courteous but just make surface-level chit chat and or make yourself scarce so your husband can chat to them. Grey rock them. It's not your problem and it's not worth the hassle.

I would let your DH contact then in future and keep your communication to a minimum. It's his family and his problem to sort out. If they choose to give you the cold shoulder, let them. Don't give it headspace.

You are not your husbands keeper, he has the autonomy to contact and arrange visits with his own mother so drop the rope and let him get on with it.
Why would you want to bother and make an effort with people so rude?