Anxiety that never ceases- job opportunity

[Vcal2017]

Hello. Thank you for reading.
I’m a teacher. I experienced devastating bullying last year and resigned. I’ve been doing CRT ( replacement) teacher work since.
Someone from an agency sent me information about a job and in a rushed half hearted way I said, sure why not?
I got an interview which was/is today. I have not slept. I’ve been sick. I’m wild with worry and anxiety and at 4 am I emailed to say I wasn’t going. I feel like a bad feminist because of not embracing the opportunity. It would have involved lots of travel and my son who is autistic is in his last 2 years of high school. I also have an elderly Dad. I just want to hide and stay in my bed in the dark. I’ve worked for years (53) and sometimes I think I’ve come to the end of my career. My best friend thinks I should take any job because I need to support my son. So it’s a mess and I just wondered if someone could reassure me that I’m going to be ok. Thanks if you made it this far. Ruth

Hi Ruth. I couldn't read your message and not reply. It will absolutely be okay and you are putting your son and your wellness first, which is the most importantly thing.

Remember you can control the things you can only control. If this opportunity isn't right for you, that's okay. They'll be another that is.

Sending you an absolutely massive un-mumsnetty hug

Everything will work out in the end Ruth, everything happens for a reason the last 2 interviews I should happily have slept in snoozed the early morning clock instead of attending grief city, 6 wasted annual leave days (ouch) something better around the corner later on x

Oh wow, that’s got me all teary. Thank you.

Be kind to yourself. Your gut was telling you it was a bad idea.

That wasn’t the opportunity for you, and you did the right thing. Look at it another way - you got an interview for the first job you applied for, even in a half hearted way! Imagine how things will go when you are really excited about an opportunity that is a good fit for you?

it is horrendous to be bullied at work and it takes time to recover. Boy you have survived. And you are working and supporting your son. You’re doing brilliantly.

Teaching is the worst job for stress and and anxiety. It really is. Don’t worry, it’s good to turn down a job you don’t want. Listen to your heart.

There are easier teaching jobs out there. Keep looking! (Or move, if you can to another type of work). I’ve recently moved to an independent school and it’s much less stressful.

I'm in several "moving on from teaching" type jobs and although it's sad to see, the fact that so many of us are anxious or struggling to career change has made me realise the job can really take it out of us.

I'm sorry to hear its so hard and I have no answers but know you're not alone.

Hi Ruth

I'm in a similar position job wise although not teaching and 7 years older and believe you have absolutely made the right decision.

Just wanted to say I was posted by an agency into a temporary admin role last week within a SEND school. I was assured by the agency person that I would have almost no contact with the children due to my concerns at having no specialist training or qualifications around SEND children. This was an absolute lie by the agency person and there only concern was making a placement. There were several incidents during the 3 days I worked (I quit after this) that for me we're a safeguarding issue. I have minimum experience within the Education Sector but believe between the agencies and the authorities the teaching profession is sadly being run for profit above all other considerations. Just like every other sector is in this crazy plutocracy if a world were living in. I can't believe the conditions teachers, TA's and the supporting staff are expected to work under - it's absolutely shocking.

As a 60 year old who's worked there while life I've had enough of the BS I just want to retire from the whole sh!t show.