To drop out of interview

[PoliteEagle]

I am currently interviewing for a role at a company. This is a dream role for me, ticks most of the boxes and my career will head exactly in the direction I want to. Pay is also very good. Now, I scrolled through the employees on their Linkedin page and noticed that my ex started working there this summer. We didnt have an easy break up, even though my feelings are now gone for him but I don't want to see him again. The problem is that company is relatively small like 100 people and we will be in different teams but still. I am thinking to drop out, even if the opportunity is really amazing especially in times of tough job market,

I will feel sorry for his girlfriend...
On a serious note, it might upset me but only because I havent met yet anyone. I dont want him back under any circumstances. However if he found someone while I am still single,, that can upset me yes.

Then I'd have a serious think x

How old are you OP? I don't want to sound like a patronising old cow but please don't sacrifice a job you want for some idiot ex!

It might feel huge now but honestly if you pass the opportunity up now you'll kick yourself in years to come.

I bet if the roles were reversed he wouldn't give it a second thought. I just think it's a shame that you should lose out.

If things were to get awkward there are formal things that HR can do.

It just sounds like you really want this job and a knobby ex shouldn't stand in the way. Your future and career are far more important!

I am in my late 20ies. You don't sound patronising at all!
He will be more senior than me. He is at MD level, and I am at a manager level. I don't think it will ever go via HR route. He is an asshole but not an idiot. And very career driven.

Hopefully he will act professionally and respectful. I know how hard it can be when you've had your heart broken by someone. I don't mean to belittle that.

I honestly hope you get it and you smash the job :)

There's good reason that he became your ex!! So if you get the job, you put on your professional head and treat him as a colleague - no more no less!
If he brings up the past in any capacity - let him know in no uncertain terms that subject is off limits and you have both moved on and change the subject.

So the update, the interview went very well, they seem to be very keen. They mentioned there will be a third and final round. I have doubts because of their culture though, a bit arrogance is there, I could feel it. They also do 2 company trips per year, one skiing in Switzerland/France and another one to places like Ibiza or Cannes in the summer. But that is manageable I think.

Now where the fun starts. Once I was exiting the building I saw my ex. Unfortunately, he also noticed me. He came to chit chat, asking what I was doing here, I told him the truth that I am interviewing for a role at xyz company (several companies in the same building), he said like oh wow, what a coincidence, I started working with them recently. We chit chatted a bit and then I told him I need to go as it was in the middle on working day. It wasn't that bad in general, so I though I will be fine working with him in the same company and going to socials as well.

Today I received a text from him saying, there was no need to try to get a role in the same company to get back with him, I could have just messaged him and ask to meet. My jaw literally dropped. I haven't replied yet to him as I don't know what even to say.

Well done on smashing the interview!!

I've just picked my jaw back up off the floor after reading about his message! What an arrogant arse! I don't know if it's even worthy of a reply? Or would maybe just send a laughing emoji! Although I think ignoring him would probably be the best approach. Interested to see what others think.

I think a laughing emoji might cover it! But maybe.... I think you have the wrong end of the stick. Sorry. I trust that we can remain professional if I do get the job.

Keep that text, screenshot it in case he can delete it, make a note of when you bumped into him, what you both said etc. It feels like it might be significant in the future. And can you do some digging to find out what the HR situation is, internal or external etc.

Also, I’ve never interviewed for that kind of job, but would it be appropriate to mention it to someone should you be offered the job, before you accept? I’m mostly putting these questions here in the hope someone else can answer them.

And I would NOT reply. Keep things clean your end. But don’t block either. Let him put his foot into it if he wants to.

I know that you all may think that I am a wimp, but i am seriously considering dropping it. I don't think this job would worth all the drama and stress. It is just all sounds too much. I spend a lot of time at work and want to work in healthy environment as much as possible. This is all causing me stress and I even haven't started working there.

It sounds like you are in a bit of a niche industry, if you're saying roles don't come up that often? Did you previously work together? I would either block, delete and not respond, or point that out. I'm sorry you feel that way, but as roles within our industry don't tend to pop up often, much like you I've seen an opportunity with this company and chose to peruse it, and then leave it. I genuinely feel limiting your career for an ex relationship is a bit silly, as you've already established that there wouldn't be contact with the role you're applying for

Don't drop out. Christ, he really thinks he's something doesnt he? Laugh and leave him with his thoughts if that's what gets him through the day. You've done brilliant so far, why allow one man stop your career? He's just not that important in the grand scheme of things.

even though my feelings are now gone for him but I don't want to see him again

If you no longer have feelings for him, once you've seen him, said hi, and walked on....you'll be fine

Yes, very niche. I am in consulting but my area of expertise is very niche. This role is a great chance to move in-house for me. No, we haven’t work previously together, he was not in consulting just specialises in the industry where this company operates. It is growing and very promising company. I clearly see why he went there.

Just ignore him and block his number. If you get the job he'd be a colleague, nothing more.

I’d just reply “Haha 😂”

Never ever let a man fuck with your money. Your career advancement is more important than this idiot. I say this with love, but give yourself a slap and woman up.

And, if you feel you absolutely must respond that message, go with: 🤣

Then screenshot it and keep it for a rainy day.

I would reply very formally: "It is not necessary for us to have any communication. Should I be successful in the interview process, any communication between us should be work-related and professional"

Text back and say you were surprised to meet him at x, didn’t realise he had changed job. The role you’re interviewing for is your dream job. You’ve both moved on and have new partners, you assume you’d both have a formal professional working relationship

Go with your gut OP.

If it doesn’t feel like the right culture for you, regardless of your ex, you can drop out.

If you get called for a third round (FFS) you can choose to go and still drop out having had two chances to suss the place out.

I’d ignore idiot chops for now. Nothing says indifference quite like complete silence.

💐

I left him on read for now and will go for a final round if invited. They say they finalise interview last week and I should here early next week if I am selected for 3rd round. They say they are going to invite only one candidate for a final round, so it means more approval stage rather than selection stage.

if I get this job, I plan messaging him and saying that I fully moved on and want to keep professional respectful communication with him at work.

If you get that far, have a think about whether he has or will mention his mad ex who stalked him just to get a job where he works as she's bitter about their breakup.

That might be how he presents it to his colleagues.

I'd honestly mention it at the interview stage.

Yeah just reply saying it's a huge coincidence, you have moved on and keen to keep everything professional moving forwards.