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Original poster

My partner watching porn.

31 replies

Ariylah · 18/11/2024 21:44

I've been with my partner for 7 years. I've explained to him on the 1st occasion I caught him watching it how uncomfortable it made me feel (i was in tears). I have then caught him 2 more times after this conversation. It made me feel numb towards him. I then seen he was viewing his ex's profile (She's on OF) which is pretty much of her in next to nothing.

This made me feel sick. I honestly can't deal with it. I feel like I'm not good enough- I have 2 children my body doesn't look like those other women and I never will. I feel like I can't trust him. To me it's as good as cheating. He then has been listening to ASMR of women whispering sexually- he says this is a way to relax- I understand ASMR but whispering in a sexual way? I think not.

I get the usual... 'All men do it' & how I'm over reacting.
He knows how I feel about it and I honestly feel like I don't want to be with a man who feels the need to look at other women. It makes me insecure - like why am I not good enough? Im the mother to his children?

Am I over reacting do you all agree with him. Its driving me mad.
😪

OP posts:
researchers3 · 23/11/2024 11:42

MaMa4x87 · 19/11/2024 19:28

Sorry you too are going through this, I am struggling similar it is out right disturbing, we've been together 19.5 yrs ,I have expressed how I feel about it and he did it again while gone hunting this weekend. He seems to think he is doing nothing wrong by getting off on other woman and that I am insecure. I told him last time if I found out again, I was done, I would separate. I have been sleeping on the couch for 2 nights now and he still hasn't apologized and probs never will cause he thinks there is nothing wrong with it.... I am over and done with the disrespect!!

Wth are you on the sofa?

LondonPapa · 23/11/2024 11:48

Ariylah · 18/11/2024 21:44

I've been with my partner for 7 years. I've explained to him on the 1st occasion I caught him watching it how uncomfortable it made me feel (i was in tears). I have then caught him 2 more times after this conversation. It made me feel numb towards him. I then seen he was viewing his ex's profile (She's on OF) which is pretty much of her in next to nothing.

This made me feel sick. I honestly can't deal with it. I feel like I'm not good enough- I have 2 children my body doesn't look like those other women and I never will. I feel like I can't trust him. To me it's as good as cheating. He then has been listening to ASMR of women whispering sexually- he says this is a way to relax- I understand ASMR but whispering in a sexual way? I think not.

I get the usual... 'All men do it' & how I'm over reacting.
He knows how I feel about it and I honestly feel like I don't want to be with a man who feels the need to look at other women. It makes me insecure - like why am I not good enough? Im the mother to his children?

Am I over reacting do you all agree with him. Its driving me mad.
😪

Yeah sure men watch porn - I do. Women all watch porn. What people don’t do is go to their ex’s OF and jack off. Completely unacceptable. Leave the prick.

DamselinDistress24 · 23/11/2024 11:52

Lisanoonan · 18/11/2024 22:42

Porn wouldn't bother me. I found my boyfriend watching porn once and I just watched a bit of it with him. It was pretty boring!

Was he looking at sexy pics and videos of his ex?

Did you do that with him too?

Snoopdoggydog123 · 23/11/2024 11:54

I honestly can't deal with it

Except you are. You can't control him. Only you.

Emmz1510 · 23/11/2024 12:19

Fizzywizzy2 · 23/11/2024 11:00

I'm a woman and I watch porn. If my DH told me I wasn't allowed to watch it I'd think he was controlling. It's the same as reading spicy romance novels. All just a fantasy.

I wouldn't be happy with looking at someone he knows on OF as that goes beyond fantasy, especially as it's his ex. I would be really upset about that and consider it borderline cheating.

It’s not the same though is it? Sexy novels don’t involve real people being objectified and degraded….

bifurCAT · 23/11/2024 13:16

1 - watching porn... maaaaaaybe ok. I think it depends on your personal thresholds.

2 - checking out his ex on OF... maaaaaaybe ok. It all depends on whether he's just having a quick curiosity peak, or whether he's paying for it. I'd definitely leave if it was 'more' than that.

3 - sexual ASMR (I had to look it up)... maaaaaaybe ok, as it could be argued it's as good as an audio book of 50 Shades of Grey.

4 - "all(most) men do it"... maaaaaaybe ok, it is actually true, but the minimising isn't great.

One woman might be absolutely ok with all of these, while another one, hell no! If these are your limits, you have absolutely all right to voice them. If it's a deal-breaker, well, be prepared. What I strongly suspect is that he'll either lie and hide it, or say that's it normal, get over it. I think the question is, is it too much, i.e., is this stance enough to break up a family over?

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