Ensuite

[Biggles27]

We have a bathroom and an ensuite off our bedroom

we have a couple coming to stay with us at Christmas

they will have sole use of the main bathroom

we will have sole use of the ensuite

the main bathroom has a shower over the bath

their house only has a shower over the bath, one loo in the bathroom

we have two loos upstairs and one downstairs

we were talking about the upcoming visit tonight and my friend (of nearly 50 years) said we are so looking forward to using your shower as it will be nice not to have to climb in the bath

i I was a bit taken aback

i wouldn't dream of using someone’s ensuite but aibu and should I allow them access? It’s the other side of our bedroom so it means full access to our bedroom (and dirty laundry basket!). I was going to say sorry but the ensuite is private as is our bedroom but I could be being totally unreasonable and it might be a me issue

tge ensuite has been out of action for years but we’ve just had it fixed and bought into use so it’s not been an issue in the past

I love that people are focusing on the laundry - it’s not really about that I’m assuming, it’s the privacy of it being through your room and wanting the privacy of your own bathroom.
Id say what’s been suggested; people don’t use our en suite and I’d decline if someone asked as one of the things I like about an en suite is the privacy of it when people visit.

Not really no!

They are such good friends who have stayed over 30 times and who have used your shower before (otherwise how would they know and why would they say it) but you don't want to let them this time because of your laundry basket?

I sometimes wonder from posts on here how everyone even has any friends 🙄

Yes, we’re very private people. Even our own dc don’t use the ensuite

but I’m aware that we are very private and maybe it’s normal to allow friends to use your private bathroom?

laundry was a throw away comment!

Especially if they were elderly relatives, and/or had mobility problems, I’d let them shower in the ensuite once dh and I had finished. But of course no barging in - only after checking.

MNers can be so weirdly fussy about such things.

I dare say some are afraid that they’d use the loo, too - other people’s wee and poo of course being utterly toxic and very likely carrying the plague.

But do you want them traipsing through to your en-suite for a shit and shower when you're having a lie in?

Why would they do that? Any normal guest would wait until the host is up and about. Would you do that?

And if they did, they have been friends for a very long time but can't say out loud not to do it?

Real friends would respect the wishes of the host and use the bathroom they're told to use.

Never used it before as it was broken, recently been fixed (about 9 months ago) but they’ve not been here since

DC are grown up and live away

But if they've stayed 30 times before haven't they always used the other bathroom? Why would this visit be different?
My friend had a shower only in the family room and the only bath was their en suite - I'd never dream of saying to them that I was looking forward to using their bath! And we are very close - I've actually sat on her toilet (not using it obviously) chatting while she was in the bath!

Your house so you can do as you wish of course, but I cannot fathom not allowing guests to use whichever shower they prefer.

Also I cannot fathom why this merits a mumsnet post? If you don't want them using your bathroom then just tell them that! Who cares what a bunch of strangers online think?

Nope, nope, nope. I don't want someone, even a long standing friend, traipsing through my bedroom to use the en suite when there is a perfectly good family bathroom they can use.

I would never invite guests to stay and then not let them use our en suite for a shower. Let's face it a regular shower is so much easier and less faff than getting a bath and using the rinser. If I love them enough to have them sleep over I love them enough to let them use the en suite!

However I think the guest sounds a bit cheeky by saying that before they show up, if they've never used the shower before. Feels a bit entitled to be all ooooh I can't wait to use this thing in your home I've never used before cos I certainly will be this time even though you've said nothing to suggest that. Then again they might not have even considered a host would not let a guest use their en suite.

Exactly my thoughts.

It's funny seeing people use the word 'traipse' to imply that the guest moving through the bedroom to get to the bathroom will be dragging their feet wearily on a huge difficult voyage, to make it sound more difficult than it really is lol.

She is your friend of 50 years... she should be able to have a wee whilst you're in the shower at that level of friendship.

It wouldn't cross my mind to care if my best friend of 50 years used my ensuite.

There was another thread with a similar issue recently and the responses were similar. You do need to manage expectations before they arrive. It may be a mix up - you mentioned the en suite has been out of action for a few years, did you excitedly tell her at some point "and by the time you come next there will be a second bathroom". She may have incorrectly understood you were offering it.

Some good suggestions on here of wording to use. Stress that isn't it great that they will have sole use of the main bathroom this time.

I don't like people (other than my husband and children) in my bedroom however well I know them and I think a lot of people feel the same.

If you don't want them to use the ensuit I would probably just wouldn't mention it again and leave everything ready for them in the main bathroom and tell them towels are all clean and ready for them in there , I've let visitors use our ensuit same lay out area you doesn't bother me

In our home, en-suites are for the use of whoever sleeps in the bedroom attached to it. I don’t think it’s particularly normal to invite guests to use the host’s en-suite when there is a perfectly good bathroom available for them to use.

My bedroom is a private and personal space, it’s a place I retreat to when I want to be by myself/curl up on our bed, it’s a room where our children sometimes come in and chat to us, it’s a room where all my clothes are stored, my jewellery, etc. It’s the room I sleep in with my DH every night. My en-suite has all my skin-care, etc. (It also contains a lidless laundry basket!). In summary, it’s a personal space not for sharing!

Our main bathroom is a less personal space.

Yeh I wouldn't want someone using my en suite. I'd also go with the 'oh you must be misremembering the shower in our bathroom is also over the bath. Can't wait to see you though ...'

My MIL said exactly that ... until she then couldn't get to use the shower

Depends how good friends they are - either one of the polite, "mix up" replies above, or if it were my bff I'd be saying something along the lines of "eew no chance mate! I'm not having you dropping a stinker in my en-suite, you're still using the main bathroom. En-suite is my private poo palace. Besides, we'd have to move our dildo collection out your way and I can't be arsed to do that." 😆

Omg I’m crying! She’d probably say is it ok if I borrow 😂😂😂😂

I give up my bedroom with en-suite for visitors - keeps them more contained, more quiet and out of our space