To move dd13 back to old school

[HHHeelp]

I have a dd13 she was really struggling in her previous school as it was strict
we have moved her to a new school and it started off well but things have gone down hill she is now talking about not taking GCSE's and there seems to be fights and arguments every week. Her whole friend group seems to be around girls having sex, or being nasty to each other, recording each other, stabbing each other in the back and then on Friday she went out with some friends after school and came back absolutely plastered and was then sick on herself.

it's just us two and I have little family and on reflection sometimes I let things slide like I let friends round so she won't be lonely. I'm actually teaching a point where I think I may need to make decisions she doesn't like. I want her to return to her old school but I know she will
hit the roof

My DD (12) and her friends are constantly involved in drama in some way or another but...13 year olds getting drunk/ having sex?

You should be hitting the fucking roof. You need to step up, stop 'letting things slide', stop this for your daughter, immediately.

Move school, ban certain 'friends' from your home, don't allow her out to meet these kids, do whatever it is you need to do to get a handle on it all before it gets worse.

Sounds like a stricter school is exactly what she needs.

I blame the parents

You need t9 tell her she gets no choice re. Gcses. Did she ask to move? Maybe the firmer boundaries suited her.

A set of strict boundaries is exactly what she needs. You need to stop trying to get her to be your friend really.

With the strict school she wasn't in lessons was refusing to go into lessons once at school or getting kicked out of lessons within minutes. Her anxiety and mh was bad so I agreed to move her.
but the crowd now seems to have a real bad I fluencd.
to be clear my daughter isn't doing those things, aside from the incidence of drinking which I never thought she would do.
of course I told her she is doing her GCSE what has worried me is her standards and expectations have dropped at the new school

How well-subscribed is the old school?

Only once in my long teaching career, but we had one parent "punish" us by depriving us of the joys of their little treasure's company, a very popular school whose head ran a tight ship.
There was a waiting list, and another pupil promptly moved into the vacant space.

If you decide to move her back, and it sounds as if it may be wise, you might have to have some serious discussions about how you will back the school more positively.

Is there even a space at the old school?
If she won't behave at the old school and won't behave at the new school then the school may not be the issue here.

Will the old school take her back?

Well I think the main things to consider are, moving her out of that school won’t necessarily stop her from socialising with those kids, as teenagers can and do have friends outside of their own school, and also if she wasn’t coping in the old school, what do you think will be different this time? In fact if your DD doesn’t want to go back to the old school and you move her against her will, it’s likely to be even worse for her second time around.

Could you ask to move her class within the new school? Going back to a school that she refused to engage with last time sounds difficult - she might just refuse to engage again.

She needs stability, constantly changing things won't address the core issues of her behaviour. Don't move schools again but do have strict rules and consequences for her behaviour e.g. any missed lessons at school=phone is confiscated for an hour per lesson after school. Ask for the work to be sent home and you sit with her and do it together. If she's craving attention this will enable her to get time with you, plus it will ensure she doesn't fall behind academically.
That there's drama around friendships is normal, does she talk to you about it? Great. Don't shut down conversations, try not to judge the young sex but also discuss pros and cons. Are they in committed relationships when they have set? Why? Why not? What does your daughter think about this? It's a lot to navigate at a young age, be a neutral sounding board for her.

Make sure you reiterate a thousand times that she is loved and safe, that this is a fact separate from her/her friends behaviours. Make your lines in the sand clear and explain them e.g. academics are non negotiable

Also discuss phone free days or times as a family and agree to them for EVERYONE, you included. E.g. two nights a week, nobody uses a phone. This will massively help her mental health. Make a list of stuff to do together instead, e.g. the food shop then cafe trip and they can pick whatever they want

The reason I say stay as neutral as poss about her telling you about her friends sexual activities is that she may be telling you about her own here, don't rule that out.

her old school said she would welcome back. They weren't as judgey as some on her and understood her circumstance.
she is in a much better place for learning now and is rarely sent out of classes. I'm just more concerned about her friend group right now