Is this just having a laugh or belittling?

[2w3ee32w]

How would you feel if your partner 'quizzed' you on certain things that he knows you don't know the answer to - eg who sings this song/ wrote this poem/what's this flower etc.? Both in front of others and also alone. Made me feel stupid in front of his parents when I didn't know who sang a couple of songs on radio.

Maybe I'm being sensitive, I'd just be interested on opinions.

I don't think it is belittling exactly, but rather childish and irritating.

Response - I don’t know, Do you?

if he says yes. Ask why he’s asking
might he says no, direct him to Google

Ltb

I'd make a 'what?' kinda face and say 'stop asking me, it's just weird'

’I neither know nor care.’ <Hard stare>.

He sounds vile ... time to find yourself a decent man

"I'd have thought id made it perfectly clear by now that I have no interest in memorising lists of flowers/singers/the state capitals of the US so I can bark out an answer on demand like a performing dog. But one more time, given you're struggling with this...I have no interest. More tea anyone....?"

Urgh, I had one who would do this. I think some pp are fortunate not to have experienced it (or are being disingenuous!). He isn't asking because he wants to know the answer...he is asking because he wants her to not know so he can feel and look superior.

Mine used to pause the TV for eg. and quiz me...

"Do you know what they are referencing there?"

"And which band is this?"

He would get so deflated when I did know and give me the silent treatment...but if I didn't know he'd laugh and explain like he was my primary school teacher.

Urgh. In my defence, I was young and had low self-esteem!

Most egregious one was some programme we were watching mentioned Nancy Spungeon and he paused it to educate stupid me on who she was. Turns out I knew a lot more than him. He didn't speak to me for days after so I dumped him.

Get him dumped OP.

Is his name Patrick Bateman?

"I don't listen to shit music. Why would I want to know?"

Yep, that's my new go to for twatty questions from twatty people,

tell him to get an Alexa

No is a very complete answer. It sounds annoying but if I don't know something I just say so. I don't say I care what the answer is if I don't. So the other person looks foolish for telling you information you clearly have no interest in. If he tells you what it is, just say 'how fascinating for you'. Without lifting your eyes from the phone. 🤣

I would say privately, ' I don't particularly like this game of guess the song, guess the flower, it's a bit weird and you seem to enjoy it if I don't know the answer. It needs to stop. I feel uncomfortable when you do this. '

He will almost guaranteed reply any of the following - 'you're being really sensitive', or it's just a joke, or it is a bit daft you don't know the answer, or you need to learn to chill out.

Basically, all these replies are code for ' I am an absolute twat and I will rely upon you doubting yourself and your instincts to win'

If someone I cared about said to me please can you not do that, I'd immediately say oh I really don't want to make you feel that way. And I'd quit it.

I'll hazard a guess he won't. His reply to your honest, genuine expression as to how it makes you feel will tell you all you need to know.

I call bell end - but he may be oblivious to his twattyness.

My husband likes quizzes and if he asks me something I don't know when he has come back from a quiz. ( which he isn't doing to be a twat ) I just say - I wouldn't know that in a 100 years . No shame. There are things I know which he doesn't - But I am convinced he is not asking to belittle me - he's just interested. BTW DH doesn't learn lists - he just turns up.

Repeatedly doing this is belittling

Highlighting to others about how ignorant someone is, regardless of the topic, be it pop music on the radio, biochemistry, mental arithmetic or quantum mechanics is humiliating for the victim and makes the questioner a bully

He's doing it to make you look stupid and himself feel superior. Can you imagine living with that for the rest of your life?!

"If only you were smart enough to put that knowledge to good use, you'd have made millions as a Chaser."

And if he still continued after that, I'd say "You're like a Poundland Wikipedia."

You were being obtuse. The OP has a pretty good idea that her partner is being an arse.

Thanks, all, for the replies, some of which made me laugh.

I think this poster nails it... I feel he has to be superior in everything. I did tell him one day I just wanted to listen to music on the radio in peace and not be quizzed and, yes, he did call me sensitive.

My father in law applied to go on to who wants to be a millionaire a few years ago, he was talking about who he'd call, he said to mu husband, I'd ring you because you're good at history, and to my son, you're good at politics and he said to me I'll ring you if it's something trivial like a soap question or a celeb question. I have degree in history and politics but doesn't remember that, sees me watching eastenders and thinks I'm a lost soul😄

Arghhh. He's a rotter. It's taken me 10 plus years of therapy to realise ' you're too sensitive, it's just a joke ' more than once is a very huge problem.

I know people can do this sometimes ( I never ever do), but it's often quite an unpleasant tactic used to deny accountability by manipulative personality types.

OH it would have been sweet revenge and if he had got on and couldn't answer a question and either your dh or ds couldn't answer but you knew the answer. I am supposing that they would not have been allowed to confer with anyone else.

Q: "Who wrote this poem?"

A: "Some prat who needs to show off his knowledge of trivia?"

Q: "What year was it written?"

A: "The year before some other trivia nerd decided to bore on about it."

Q: "Do you know which popular song was based on the poem?"

A: "Oh, was it Trivial Pursuits by The Show-Offs?"

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Se whether he thinks you're belittling him or just having a larf.

Urgh my brother is like this, it's draining. I usually respond with an eye roll and say something like "Here we go again" or sarcastically talk to him as if he's a toddler "Oh gosh I don't know, you're sooooo clever, what a smart boy you are and how lovely of you to impart your wisdom on us!" 😆