How would you react?

[Cnf1]

Just wondering if my reaction to this is unreasonable. 10 days ago, I fell down the entire flight of stairs holding my 12 month old. It was early in the morning and usually Dh brings her down for brekkie but he had been working late the night before so decided to let him sleep. Don't know how I managed to lose my footing on top step. Anyway, brought her to a&e and turns out she fractured her leg. They put her in a cast and she seems to be completely pain-free since, thank God. I have cried a lot about it as feel terribly guilty that it happened to my poor little pet and keep reliving the moment trying to figure out how it could have happened. My Dh knows all of this.
Yesterday, during an argument with him he said, "I wasn't angry with you when you broke her leg". I can't look at him since. I just can't believe he'd throw that at me when he knows how I feel about it.
Aibu to be very upset about this?

If he is usually a nice and fair person then I would let it go. I can see how a comment like that might come out when emotions are running high in an argument but that doesn't mean he blames you for the accident.

I hope you weren't badly injured yourself OP?

Wow. Yeah that's a pretty horrible thing to say. What were you arguing about that brought that on? Hope you're ok.

What were you angry at him for? Accusing him of?

What was the argument about? What was said beforehand?

I think it's an understandable thing for him to feel, and while it's probably unjustified to let it burst out, a lot probably depends on the argument, how heated it was, what it was about etc.

For instance, you clearly blame him, too, at least somewhat, as you've carefully mentioned in here that he usually takes the baby down for breakfast, but that you'd let him sleep in the day you fell. You think that is an important fact. How would you feel if he'd fallen downstairs with the baby and she'd broken her leg?

He'd been away on business for the week since we'd had the accident and she had caught a really nasty virus in a&e so I had spent the week awake with a very sick child. When he arrived in the door, I passed her over to him as badly needed the break. He was basically fuming that I was expecting him to insert the dreaded suppositories and give the antibiotic so it descended into a fight - me being really pissed off that he wouldn't step up. He couldn't understand why this would anger me so threw that comment my way.

Provided he hadn't been on his phone at the time (often the case) just worried about him and her tbh

Did you let him even get in the house properly? He has just point scored because you've been angry at him.

He was home about 3hrs when I told him it was time for pain relief and antibiotic.

You have a one year old.

Give each other grace and try and forgive each other.

It's a rough time, it gets better

I think without knowing what was said during the argument it's hard to say who was wrong. But both being angry with one another is probably just a reaction to the situation. He shouldn't have said that, it was childish and hurtful of him. Unsure of the things you said and whether they were childish too?

Ir does sound like you blame him for not bringing her down the stairs. I wonder if you implied it was his fault when you were talking to him

So you handed her over straight away, then 3 hours later said she needed her meds? Then you pair argued. Then he said about the broken leg. Surely something more was said in this argument. If it got to blame angry game.

Though I could well imagine being internally pretty damn mad If dh had caused little one to break their leg even if it was an accident. Even more so if she then got so sick from something she caught in a&e she needed suppositories. They anit nice for anyone. What happened to banana anti biotics and calpol flavor pain relief.

When he arrived in the door, I passed her over to him as badly needed the break.

I get you’d had a hard week but fuck me, YABU for this. When you arrive home after a week away you need to acclimatise: a tea and a wee, unpack, put laundry on, charge the phone.

You need to take some responsibility for putting him in a vile mood.

I know it's easy for me to say I was being reasonable during said argument but even he'd admit I'm not one to lose the cool or say things I'll regret. I usually just state the facts and never ever raise my voice. As a result he often gets very angry and upset as he says 'you're too good at arguing'. It's not the first time he's gone for the jugular. I'm not an overly emotional person so I usually just ignore but for me, this was a step too far.

This reminds me of when our 7 year old was about 4 months, I get occasional aura migraines and once I had one and DS rolled off the sofa. I told DH who said he felt like he couldn't fully trust me with him after that. I was absolutely fuming and almost left him over it but I was full of post natal Mama bear hormones and this was his first child but my 2nd. He was extremely anxious and over protective of him for the first year or so then began to chill out. He has chilled out a lot more now we have a 2nd. We talked about it a lot and he admitted every day he went to work he worried about him choking/ falling over etc not because he thought I was unfit to parent but because he felt like he had to be there every waking moment. Maybe this is similar, although it was a spiteful way to bring it up. The first year is tough especially for new parents.

I guess I just thought it was cruel. I wouldn't have it in me to say something like that to him.

It was cruel but many people say cruel things in an argument. I'm sure both of you are dealing with heightened emotions because of what happened, you either forgive it or you don't and it's marriage ending. It's completely up to you.

It was cruel. But cruel things come out when people point score.

I think I only mentioned that I let him sleep in to give an example of the fact that I'm not an inconsiderate or unkind person. I don't blame him at all. He usually brings her down because I am still breast feeding throughout the night and he sleeps in a different room as I don't see the point in two of us being sleep-deprived. He hasn't had a broken night's sleep since she was born and I don't in any way begrudge him this. He works really hard and does his best for us. He is happy to get up and give me an hour's unbroken sleep every morning. We are generally very considerate of each other.

Respectfully, you aren't to know how you would react if your DH had fallen down the stairs with your baby, resulting in her injury. It's a deeply complicated situation, involving horror at your baby needing a cast, anger at her father for letting it happen/being at fault, although it was an accident, blaming yourself for not being the one to take her downstairs. You say yourself you'd have been angry if he'd been on his phone in the scenario that he'd lost his footing on the stairs, but even an accident with no carelessness contributing would be complicated to deal with. I remember someone on here years ago whose DH had been supposedly in charge of their young daughter when she got severe burns from a barbecue. It was an appalling situation. It was a total accident on the one hand. On the other, it happened on his watch. Feelings run very high when a child is hurt while in the care of the other parent.

True. I do see your point.

He knows you didn't break her leg, she broke it when you fell in an accident! But if I was angry with my partner, say they were complaining about something I was doing 'wrong' with the baby, then I might blurt that out tbh. If he'd have fallen in the same way you probably would be a bit angry. Even if you knew it wasn't his fault.

Sadly, she can't keep oral pain relief down and it's pretty much all diarrhoea after suppositories too. I haven't slept in a week just trying to keep her temp below 39 and watching her breathing like a hawk. Bar deaths of close one's, it's been the hardest week of my life.

I honestly don't think I would be. It's not really my nature but then again, you can't really be sure unless the shoe is on the other foot so I do see what you're saying.