To expect a thank you?

[Happiestwhen]

Two separate people. One my work colleague, other dhs. Gave my work colleague 2 big bags of clothes, only the good ones from Next and similar (the rest were put in charity bin) Left at work for her to pick up. Picked up on day I was off (she was on mat leave) No thank you message or in person when I saw her and baby.

Dh work colleague - gave good clothes and bouncer, moses basket and a few more bits. No thank you either.

If I were in that situation I would be so grateful. We could have sold them but thought it would be nice to pass them on.

Has gratitude gone out the window?

It’s basic manners. I wouldn’t be passing them anything else.

It is rude but they’ve probably got a lot on and I’d be happy just to get rid of the stuff tbh

They probably are greatful they've not expressed it. I agree, it's a manners thing!
How hard is a thank you card?

I hated the hand me downs when I hadn’t been consulted first.

Maybe sell in future.

No good deed goes unpunished

They should say thanks but did they ask for your old stuff?

Did your DH's colleague not thank him when he handed them over?

Do you know for certain that your colleague received the clothes, considering that you weren't there and they haven't mentioned them?

Sometimes people give you bags of things without an opportunity to say “ Thank you but no thankyou”. Did you check first that they would not be offended and that the things would be useful to them? They may think you have them what the charity shop would not accept or might feel embarrassed.

Did you ask them whether they wanted these things?

I was wondering this. You get so much stuff pushed on you when you have a baby and while it might be in good condition, 90% of what I was given wasn't wanted or needed and it left me having to get rid of it myself.

You can ask them, how was the stuff I gave you? Was it any use?
Some people just don't think, haven't been brought up to say thank you, embarrassed to mention it.

Basic manners. I gave two very generous wedding presents and had no thank you for one and a thank you a year later for the other. Makes you not want to bother. Or give to a more worthy cause.

This!

Depends if they asked you. Otherwise, you're just unloading your stuff you don't want.

Yes exactly. They may be grateful, they may be pissed off.

I’m really big on thank yous but truthfully maternity leave is one time I have full sympathy if they don’t get done in a timely fashion. I vividly remember inwardly groaning every time a new gift/ bunch of flowers arrived as it was just one more chore to squeeze into a day at a time when it can be awkward to get in the shower, let alone have hands free to sit and write thank you messages. It’s easy to forget how you just don’t have free hands with a newborn.

Without wanting to be rude, they were cast offs more than gifts per se. I’m sure they were grateful, I’m sure they will say so, but it sounds early days ?

I gave my cousin a bag of pretty much brand new baby things (after checking he wanted them) as my DS was too big for first size and only had a few weeks in 0-3. I didn't get a thank you but put it down to him being in the absolute worst sleep deprivation of his life!

… and if I’m going to be brutally honest ( and I contextualise this by saying I was fortunate to have what I needed when mine were born) but there is nothing would have horrified me more in those early busy days than having a load of someone else’s old stuff arrive and have to to find house space for it all. It’s bad enough getting through your own laundry and putting it away.

Some good points , yes we asked if they wanted them, didn't just offload. I know my colleague got the clothes as I've seen photos of her dc wearing the stuff.

I absolutely would hate to be offloaded stuff without notice too. Clutter freaks me out!

Dh's colleague is from another country and wouldn't be plush / spend a lot of money. Seemed delighted to be offered the baby stuff. Picked it up from our house and maybe it was just in the rush of everything he forgot . I know it's not a very big deal in the scheme of things!

I’m sure they have been useful and appreciated op.

Don’t dwell on the lack of thank you so far. I’m sure they will get round to it - probably about when the mum gets round to actually changing her bra!

Yes it’s rude. They wouldn’t be getting anything else from me

Did they say thank you when you offered? It doesn't need repeating.

I'm sometimes given a bag of stuff for DD from another mum. Conversation is her saying "I've had another clear out and got some stuff for [DD] if she'd like?" Me - "oh yes please, she always likes [her DD's] dresses. Thanks so much".

Then if she hands it over in person I'd say thanks again. If she drops it on the doorstop I wouldn't necessarily because the thanks had been preemptively given.

I don't think it's a big deal.

Yes I agree with this if someone offers me something and I said “oh my God that would be great thanks a million” and then when I receive the item iced again, say thank you so much. I don’t think I need to reach out third time and say thank you. I presume they know I’m thankful. I mean how many thanks does one person need for a bag of clothes?!

Not to mention they've basically done you a favour by taking your old stuff and saving you a trip to the charity shop/tip. I always feel grateful to the recipient if I can pass anything on.

It's rude not to say thank you, but some people have been brought up by parents who have no manners.

That is odd- ask when you next see her if the clothes were alright- that might prompt a thanks.