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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be rather annoyed by this…

27 replies

CutiePatooties · 18/11/2024 11:16

I’m fully expecting to be told I am, just because I have BPD and although I’m working on myself through therapy, I do tend to overreact/become emotional to things other people wouldn’t probably bat an eyelid over. Please be gentle with me.

I went to a colleague’s wedding reception and stupidly drank more than I should have (I’m talking, I can’t remember hardly any of the night, I’m ashamed to say). When I next went into work, I had my head down, tried to blend into the background in case I had embarrassed myself. One colleague mentioned how drunk I got and said I was telling everyone how much I love them and another said I was a ‘good drunk’ as I was fun and kept wanting to tell everyone how brilliant they are etc etc. Another messaged to say it was lovely seeing me outside of work and how I have a kind soul. All of this made me take a huge sigh of relief, however, there’s a photo on one colleague’s Facebook page that has annoyed/upset me.

I’m not close with this person, but noticed she was on Facebook so I was about to add her. I looked on her page and there’s a photo of her, laughing, and holding her handbag up to my chest (as if to stop me from getting to someone) and this ‘someone’ is another colleague looking annoyed at/with me. There’s another colleague stood containing her laughter. I don’t know what is happening (the photo only shows me standing there and it’s the back of my head) but it looks as if I’m arguing with this other colleague, the other two ladies are finding it funny, and one of them are holding their bag up to me ‘to stop me going for’ the other colleague. This is ridiculous because it looks like only a conversation is being had, and I’m not sure if this is just done in jest, as I say, the two of them are laughing. I know it’s my own fault for not knowing what’s going on here - I only socially drink and never ever go out these days (last time I drank before this point, was a year prior). I also get nervous about going out, so I drink to give myself a confidence boost and have obviously gone overboard with it. I won’t be going out with work any more, so have learnt from it. Far better to drink with people I can be comfortable around and have no backlash from doing so. I also can pace myself when I’m around people I feel comfortable with.

The thing that annoys me, is someone (no idea who) has taken a photo of this encounter and the woman who held her bag up at me, has posted it. I’m in none of the ‘nice’ photos from the night, where she’s standing hugging everyone else, but she’s posted this one of me, clearly her and others have made fun of me at some point (at the very least, her and whoever took and sent the pic to her) so I’m very upset about it.

AIBU to be upset? Is it a case of ‘well you got that drunk, so you get what you get!’

Would you just forget it and go about your life? I don’t know what to do about it - I don’t have counselling until Thursday and I usually talk through these things with my therapist but it’s Monday and I’m stewing (which usually means I end up becoming very depressed and/or cutting people out).

OP posts:
canyouletthedogoutplease · 18/11/2024 11:19

I think that if you get drunk to the point that you can't remember what happened you might have to suck it up, put it down to experience and try not to dwell. You've already decided that these aren't the people you want to socialise with, so don't beat yourself up, try and leave it behind if you can. You know who you are, let them think what they want.

PoissonOfTheChrist · 18/11/2024 11:25

You made a tit of yourself and someone happen to manage to snap a pic of the scene.

The best thing to do is use it as a reminder not to drink to excess. The less of a deal you make of it the quicker people will forget.

BrunetteHarpy · 18/11/2024 11:31

I think you’re getting angry with the wrong person. You’ve recognised it’s a wake-up call about your own drinking. I think that’s about all you can do. If it’s really wrecking your head, contact the colleague who posted the photo and ask her, nicely, to take it down, explaining that it is reminding you of a night you’re ashamed of. Otherwise, I’d let it alone.

ThianWinter · 18/11/2024 11:32

I would be rather annoyed at myself rather than the photo taker. If you genuinely can't remember events from the night, then you do have a problem with alcohol. You can either confront the photographer and ask her what was going on because you don't remember, or ignore it and use this as a lesson learnt regarding drinking yourself into oblivion.

BobbyBiscuits · 18/11/2024 11:33

It's the back of your head. There could've been pics of your knickers, vomitting, snogging someone, beating someone up. Lol. Of course there isn't because nothing terrible happened.

I got so drunk at a works do and it was with clients, the paid official photographer was my mate, so I kind of posed in an increasingly silly way. One pic was me fake 'strangling' a male colleague who I actually don't like very much. No recall whatsoever but there it was in glorious technicolour on the website. The next morning. 🤣🤣
I laughed it off but the 'strangulation victim' obviously thought it was embarrassing. Nobody died. Nobody got sacked. The world keeps turning.

Please just forget it and stop looking at people's Facebook from work.

CrispyCrumpets · 18/11/2024 11:36

I think you have two choices. Do nothing or ask her to remove it.

If you do nothing it will probably just fade into oblivion in the depths of FB and be forgotten about.

Or you could just kindly ask her to remove it as it makes you feel quite embarrassed that it's up there. If she is a decent person she will do this for you.

If you are tagged you should be able to untagged yourself in it.

Happiestwhen · 18/11/2024 11:36

Don't worry about it, it was probably nothing but she is trying to make it look like a joke for likes. It will soon be forgotten about. You've done nothing wrong, people do far worse things on staff dos (like cheating with a colleague in full view of everyone)

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/11/2024 11:36

If they are laughing then it's obvious you are not trying to get at anyone. If you can only see the back of your head then it may well be that you are laughing along with them. Nothing to indicate they are making fun of you.

CutiePatooties · 18/11/2024 11:38

I’ve really got to work on how I think, a bit better.

I am mad at myself for drinking too much, but I’m also mad that when seeing me blind drunk, my colleagues would take a photo, send it amongst themselves and then publicly post it (seemingly only in aid of embarrassing me). It appears I’m wrong for feeling this way, so I need a lot more work on how I view things.

Thanks everyone, it’s good to have a clearer insight. I shall keep pushing through to better myself.

OP posts:
CutiePatooties · 18/11/2024 11:39

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/11/2024 11:36

If they are laughing then it's obvious you are not trying to get at anyone. If you can only see the back of your head then it may well be that you are laughing along with them. Nothing to indicate they are making fun of you.

Sorry, I posted my last update before reading this and this is a possible scenario - but then I’d assume the other colleague would be laughing as well, yet instead she looks annoyed at me.

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 18/11/2024 11:39

Sorry you are upset OP, but the best outcome of this is to remember to stay sober enough in future to know what you are doing, especially in a work context. Untag yourself from this unflattering photo if you've been tagged, and take it as a learning experience. It will be forgotten soon enough by everyone else who was there.

CutiePatooties · 18/11/2024 11:43

I’m definitely taking the advice to forget about it, not mention it and move on from it.

I’m not going to another work do, as I feel very anxious going to them because there are lots of cliques that I’m not a part of. Which is why I drank to try and feel more comfortable there and it went wrong. Can’t see myself being able to drink to a sensible level in that environment, so best avoided altogether!

I am grateful that is the only thing that’s embarrassed me (as others have said, I suppose it could have been a lot worse!)

OP posts:
TTPDTS · 18/11/2024 11:44

I think you're reading far too much into the background of the photo - I doubt it's being sent between people / you're being talked about on the back of the photo. The whole "others have made fun of me at some point" is a total reach and unlikely - if the colleague has posted it, then it's likely someone took it with her phone (especially if she's featuring in most of the photos!) and she's just uploaded it all in a batch of photos from the night.

As PP have said, it's not their fault you drank so much and can't remember the evening. However I'd take comfort in the fact that other colleagues have said positive things about the evening - this photo is a total non event.

Kaleidoscopic101 · 18/11/2024 11:47

I guarantee that most people are only really thinking about themselves or preoccupied with themselves during and after an event like this...their own insecurities, what they said to whom, what they wore...it doesn't sound like you were obnoxious just perhaps I bit lovey-dovey 😆. You maybe gave them some comedic relief, perhaps they thought 'rather them than me', or 'wouldn't want to wake up feeling as rough as them tomorrow' etc etc. You already know where you went wrong with the alcohol. Remember anytime you feel socially anxious...people are nearly always preoccupied with their own stuff.

desperatedaysareover · 18/11/2024 11:53

Ach it’s not like you photocopied your tits. Would it help you not beat yourself up about getting stotious to reframe it? Some people said it was lovely to see you out of your shell - you had some really friendly feedback and people didn’t need to do that. You’ve got some new pals there.

I personally think posting photos of people when they’re off on one is a bit dickish and not the move but mentioning that would probably fan the flame. If it’s ever raised again I’d just laugh along - ‘haha great night wasn’t I? I am a lightweight what can I say’ etc. Also you can prevent people tagging you (ask me why I know😛). Don’t not go another time, it’s happened to the best of us, social anxiety + booze, ooft.

JacquelineShit · 18/11/2024 11:59

You're reading an awful lot into a photo that was taken from behind.

If she was holding her handbag up to your chest, she was probably just holding you to steady you if you were that drunk.

Pigeonqueen · 18/11/2024 12:03

I would literally pretend I’d never seen the photo. Everyone has done embarrassing things, or things they regret. It may not be drinks related but there will be things. Push it down, don’t think about this anymore and don’t drink again. I haven’t drunk in 20 years because I have a tendency to behave as you did and I know I can’t help myself if I start, so I don’t.

Disturbia81 · 18/11/2024 12:06

Everyone was drinking, it's a non event.. I would be asking the woman with the bag what was happening, in a jokey lighthearted way.. you obviously feel comfortable enough to add her to facebook. Laugh at yourself, we all do silly things when drunk

BrunetteHarpy · 18/11/2024 12:06

CutiePatooties · 18/11/2024 11:38

I’ve really got to work on how I think, a bit better.

I am mad at myself for drinking too much, but I’m also mad that when seeing me blind drunk, my colleagues would take a photo, send it amongst themselves and then publicly post it (seemingly only in aid of embarrassing me). It appears I’m wrong for feeling this way, so I need a lot more work on how I view things.

Thanks everyone, it’s good to have a clearer insight. I shall keep pushing through to better myself.

Well, you’re not unreasonable to feel mildly upset, obviously, but you can’t control other people’s behaviour, generally. You don’t know this person well, and you don’t know her intention. Maybe she was less charmed by drunk you than all the people who thought you were funny? I think you’re mostly angry that by getting so out of control, you gave people this opportunity.

I also think you’re actually lucky that at a colleague’s wedding reception, surrounded by other colleagues, where you got drunk enough not to remember any of what you said or did, you didn’t seriously offend or upset someone. I must admit I wouldn’t have been impressed at a colleague being that drunk at my wedding.

Kaleidoscopic101 · 18/11/2024 12:06

There was a poster in the pharmacy the other day that said something like 'alcohol is so much more expensive than what it costs'...and it's so true especially if you have difficulty moderating. The hangover also creates 'booze blues' which makes you feel even more cringe and paranoid that you would normally have done.

CutiePatooties · 18/11/2024 12:17

BrunetteHarpy · 18/11/2024 12:06

Well, you’re not unreasonable to feel mildly upset, obviously, but you can’t control other people’s behaviour, generally. You don’t know this person well, and you don’t know her intention. Maybe she was less charmed by drunk you than all the people who thought you were funny? I think you’re mostly angry that by getting so out of control, you gave people this opportunity.

I also think you’re actually lucky that at a colleague’s wedding reception, surrounded by other colleagues, where you got drunk enough not to remember any of what you said or did, you didn’t seriously offend or upset someone. I must admit I wouldn’t have been impressed at a colleague being that drunk at my wedding.

The colleague whose wedding reception it was, is absolutely fine with me and we have the same relationship we have always had.

OP posts:
LeavesOnTrees · 18/11/2024 12:20

You're reading too much into a snapshot of one moment in time.
The collègue who is not laughing may just have rested her face for a second, or be thinking about needing the toilet or any number of other options. We all have bad photos out there..
I think this should be a wake up call about your drinking.

You also sound a bit paranoid and overanalytical.

Kaleidoscopic101 · 18/11/2024 12:31

Perception
Acceptance
Let it go
Presence of mind

Try to practice these 4 strategies.

Question your perception, it may not always be what you think it is as others have said with this photo...don't allow your own insecurities define the narrative.

Accept the situation, you can't do anything about it really so...the next thing is to try and let it go (the hardest part sometimes)

...and finally, bring yourself into the present moment entirely focus on what you're doing right now...

Just keep practicing these steps and try to recognise when you begin to ruminate on a situation, gently put it down and go back to focusing on the right now. Don't beat yourself up for obsessing just be gentle about putting it down. This is a muscle that you can strengthen and get better at but only if you can be gentle with yourself.

Happiestwhen · 18/11/2024 12:35

I'll never forget seeing the worst photo of myself ever. Dhs friend sent it to me and asked if it was me. I nearly died of shock and embarrassment when I saw it .A colleague had the photo of the two of us as her profile on a dating app. I was perched down in a squatting position. Honestly have no idea why she couldn't have cropped me out. It wouldn't have done her any favours either. Horrific. Sometimes I'd like an insight into people's minds.

ItGhoul · 18/11/2024 12:37

I think you're just suffering from the classic 'morning after' syndrome where you're mortified about what you might have done while drunk, and you're projecting that on to your colleague who, I guarantee you, will have shared the photo thinking it's just a picture of a fun night and will not be seeing it in the negative light that you are.

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