BPD. Trigger warning contains SA

[Vanillaskieshazeleyes]

Hi all..

I'll try to cut a very long, hard life story short. I was sexually abused from the ages of six until ten years old. By my brother.

It's caused me to have BPD, I'm 28, with two brilliant children. Was in a 13 year relationship with their dad. (Not anymore)

I'm struggling so bad with relationships, I haven't been intimate with anyone just my ex. But I'm exhausted with feeling things so deeply.

A man I know asked for my number, I said yes. We spoke a couple of times last night & he's left me on read. Which is absolutely fine but the BPD side of me is in pieces. I feel abandoned even though it's been one day. Obviously I won't contact him, I'm not a bunny boiler. I'm just showing you how my mind works over something so small.

What's worse is, I have to see him tonight probably & I feel like I wanna run away. I'm sick to death of being in silent turmoil with my feelings. It's horrific how something so silly can do this too me. I wish I could respond to things like a normal person.

On the outside I'm as cool as a cucumber but the inside is utter grief 24.7. Don't really know what this post is for. Suppose it's just a way to vent. X

I hear ya. Background of different kinds of abuse here since 2 years old and diagnosed BPD/EUPD. I don't known if you can access Dialectical Behavioural Therapy at all, it helped me question these worries of maybe someone didn't want to be around me any more , or were going to reject or even be angry at me. Questioning those thoughts "are they based on facts? " and also working out to handle feelings of emptiness and worthlessness. It's been a game changer for me absolutely. I did get two and a half years of DBT via the NHSbut that was quite a while ago (13 years?). You may be able to access this privately also, at a cost. Have a Google and see what's out there.