Two of my oldest friends have had a big argument

[trimyourwickets]

Friends for over 30 years, so a significant length of time. I'm using fake names, obviously.

Beth upset Jane- something small but quite bad-mannered. Beth doesn't really accept that she was in the wrong in this first instance.

Jane let out about 20 years worth of niggles and resentment in response, some of which is valid, but also some that is not an accurate or fair view of the situation. Beth reacted angrily.

I've told both that I don't want to get involved, and they've both mostly respected that and not asked about each other to me. Both, however, are waiting for the other to apologise and have said they won't be apologising themselves because they each think they've done nothing wrong.

AIBU to just ignore it and see them separately from now on? Should I be doing more to resolve the problem?

I’d have to intervene and metaphorically bang their heads together. Wouldn’t be having that.

Ignore it.

If you get involved you risk them both getting angry with you too. I really wouldn’t.

Ignore it and don’t get involved. Focus on your own relationship with each as an individual and if they try and bring up the other in a negative way just make it clear you don’t want to get into it.

@BarbieKew that's kind of what I want to do, because I can't believe how ridiculous it all is.

But I really don't want to get stuck in the middle between them, especially as I can understand why Jane was upset with Beth, and also see why Beth is angry about the inaccurate stuff Jane said.

Best just to keep doing as I am, then, and stay out of it. :)

I still couldn’t do nothing. I’d explain to them that they were both right and wrong but you aren’t prepared to let a long standing friendship just slide, for your sake as well as theirs. No need to get into the nitty gritty, but surely it’s worth a try. Cry, if you have to!

I'd need to do something too. This is clearly a matter of pride, both parties know deep down they've gone over the top and I'm willing to bet they miss each other really. Being a good friend can sometimes mean doing difficult things and I'd be prepared to risk a flea in the ear if it meant two good mates of mine would benefit.

I'd probably invite them both round for coffee and tell them they're being a pair of silly beggars. Maybe even cry if I had to!

Not sure how PPs think that you crying will help.

They’ve had a disagreement. This is ok. They’ll either sort it out or they won’t. Don’t get involved and don’t listen to a lot of badmouthing either way. Suggest they talk to each other whenever either one raises the subject to the other.

Worst case, they never speak again. These things happen. Will they both be ok with you remaining friends with both of them or will one expect you to pick sides?

I have the same with two of my friends. We were a tight trio for 20 years then business got in the way 😞 I strongly suggest not getting involved, seeing them separately, and emphasising that you’re not going to get involved should either of them raises it. What they need is a neutral mediator to figure this out, and probably some therapy of their own!