Hello,
I am 25 and my partner in 30, we have been together for 2 years before I fell pregnant and his mother took it hard. She was extremely negative at the fact I was pregnant saying that I am baby trapping her son.
After the initial shock she became obsessed with me carrying her grandchild! Asking personal questions about my appointments ect ect… I could tell she had nigh hopes of being an extremely involved grandmother. I found this very suffocating and I felt that she was keeping tabs to make sure I was doing everything right, stupidly I thought she could calm down once the baby was here but she has become my worst nightmare.
She has called my partner crying if she would go a week without seeing him (we live an hour away) she would go in huffs if the meet ups weren’t what she envisioned (not coming to her house ect), overall she throws her toys out of the pram when she doesn’t get her way and have complete control.
Not only does she behave very immaturely but she makes nasty nasty comments to me for example, she talks through my baby when he doesn’t have a tacky outfit she has bought him on.
When my baby was in hospital she said “you should never leave him to get tests done I could never do that to my children”
Always has a comment to say about what he’s wearing ect when we send photos to her. She would message me telling me what to put him in depending on the weather.
She grabbed him out of my arms the second I finish breastfeeding him and so on. This is the tip of the iceberg and I’m at the end of my tether.
I told my partner to explain my boundaries that are no visits in the evening as she would ask us last minute to come over at 8pm! When I’m trying to get baby down for bed then she threw a tantrum because she couldn’t see him getting ready for bed! I find that she also plays “mum” with my baby too.
The other boundaries were that we wouldn’t necessarily see her every week and to stop making nasty comments, since then I feel like she has become hostile and when we do see her she makes subtle digs at me. I am finding it extremely draining as she’s not the type of person I want my child to look up to with her behaviour and the total selfishness that comes with that.
she single handedly ruined my newborn experience.
A bit of background from my partners relationship to her is that they were extremely close.
he would stay at her house every weekend, she picked his clothes out and all his furniture ect ect..
she still goes into his room and looks through his clothes and has tried to do this with my baby too.
she told me once that my partner would go into bed with her every morning until he was 18.
I just find it too close for comfort, and pretty uncomfortable.
she is extremely good and making her out to be a victim and it drives me insane as it’s quite sad if she didn’t behave like this she would probably have a closer relationship to me and her grandchild.
I had a rocky relationship with my mother before I had my baby but we are now very close and not once has my mother given me advice that I’ve not asked for or overstepped at all!
my partner told me by seeing them every two weeks is stopping his mother having a relationship with my baby, even though I agreed to spend Christmas with his family!
my question is that is seeing the in-laws every two weeks too little, I find her so uncomfortable to be around something makes me go into mum mode when she’s around him, there’s just something very off.