Why do people feel the need to comment

[Delacorde]

Specifically when someone loses weight. I’m just curious to know how would you feel if a close female family member sent you a picture that another family member had shared on Facebook from when you were at your biggest? (17st) Now just for background the family member who shared the picture I have no issue with as she’s older and just loves sharing pictures of our extended family eg at gatherings and parties and they see me for more than just my weight. The issue I have though is with my female family member who sent me a text message accompanied with this photo (to get a reaction no doubt) asking if I’d seen the photo on Facebook, to which I replied I had, she then messaged back saying that we can always rely on (our mutual family member) to share sht photos of “us”. I wasn’t interested in talking so I just replied “I know” but what I really wish I’d said was ah so you think the photo is shtty simply because I was bigger back then? I know it probably sounds like I’m reading way too much into this but this family member has commented on my weight quite a bit in the past and they have made me feel uncomfortable and borderline embarrassed. Plus I don’t see them as much these days as they’re always to busy apparently but I feel (and my dh agrees) that my weight loss could be in part a contributing factor. So yeah there’s more to it than just this.

I think I would be glad that the family member is 'too busy' to meet up and would feel no particular need to respond to any comment they had to make.

It’s a hard one as overall she’s not a bad person but she’s very insecure and is possibly neurodivergent the same as me but then at the same time I’m full of self doubt, lack confidence, and struggle with my mental health but I don’t comment unnecessarily on people’s appearance.

My so called friend really embarrassed me last weekend
Have just got to target after losing 4 stone
We'd gone out for a few drinks for her birthday and we got chatting to a party of about 6 in the pub .. one of the men was quite handsome , single and we briefly said hello , he said " I like your dress " she shouted across the table " doesn't she look great , she's just lost 4 stone "
I could have cried and just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me
Made my excuses and left

I hate it when people draw attention to my body. I can understand exactly how you feel.

The worst for me is unsolicited, “You’ve lost LOADS of WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!”
What are you supposed to say to that when a) you weren’t actually trying and are quite concerned it’s something sinister b) the LOADS makes it sound like you were an elephant.

I also understand about the comments or insinuations that you are somehow better now or that should be ashamed of bigger you make you feel uncomfortable (or even shit really, as that’s how it makes me feel).

We’re not different people. We were just as worthy or nice or funny or whatever before. But some people seem determined to imply that we were somehow less than when we were bigger and should be ashamed of who we were.

Something that has really really upset me just this week is that I noticed I got chatted up several times this month after years of nothing and being treated like I was invisible. I genuinely didn’t make the connection with the weight loss, and I wasn’t particularly big before (size 14). The first time I got chatted up recently I thought…”that was weird”…then it happened three times in one week. It just so happened that I’d lost 7lbs in just over a week (plus the 2-4lbs I’ve been losing every couple of weeks for months now thanks to an IBD). Seems like that was the difference between shaggable and wouldn’t touch with a barge pole.
It’s horrible really. Male shop assistants in places I’ve shopped for years are suddenly falling over themselves to take my trolley back or discount items for me or open up another till especially for me…so I was “nothing” before? Nothing’s changed about me except my BMI and poor health.

And of course, if I start to get healthier, I might gain it all back and now I know exactly what people think of me - they like me better when there is less of me and think I deserve congratulations for being smaller than I used to be.

But…on the other side.

One of my friends who has gone from a size 10 to a 4 isn’t talking to me because I haven’t “congratulated her on her weight loss” and “am clearly jealous”. I didn’t know she was dieting, I thought she’d lost weight through stress and I think, unless someone has specifically told you they are actively trying to lose weight, it’s spectacularly rude to comment on their body and how much/little they weigh.

I wouldn't mind at all.

Yes I agree I think in general it is rude to comment on people’s weight loss unless your opinion is asked for. It makes me feel so uncomfortable.

That is a frenemy or a brainless idiot right there. Only you know which one.

@SquirrelSoShiny bit of both I think
I really wanted to shout back " ah thanks hope I look as good as you when I get to 60 ! " but I'm not a total cow 🤐

I’m exactly the same @MorettiForMargo I just don’t know why people feel the need to comment in the first place.

Same here. That comment wouldn’t have lasted a micro second in my mind!

Well we aren’t all the same are we @tuvamoodyson. I have anxiety and i’m also neurodivergent meaning I tend to over think things.

And that’s fine. You invited comments…this was mine. So, you’re right, we aren’t all the same. And we seem to be in agreement that you’re overthinking it.

I have lost a considerable amount of weight over the last few years, and whereas I'm happy when people compliment me on my weight loss,I hate it when they say things like 'Omg you were SO big before'. Yes I know I was,I don't need you to remind me! I still have feelings,you know!

What a fucking twat that friend is.

They are no friend.
Ditch them and tell them why - actually, just say 'cause your a selfish twat'.

Totally agree. I especially hate that instead of just complimenting you on the weight loss (which I still would rather they didn't) they have to compare it to before, talking about how you look so much better and it's made such a massive difference and you look unrecognisable as if before I was hideous and they'd just been "too nice" to say.

I’ve lost almost 40 lbs (thanks Mounjaro). I’d bloody love it if people commented on my rediscovered skinniness, but no-one has apart from my husband and kids. (I wasn’t someone you’d think of as fat before but I was definitely porky)

I have a friend who’s is very fat. I know she loathes it when people post photos of her and tag her on SM. She’s extremely mindful of photos she’ll post herself. I think it’s really insensitive. I’d never comment on her weight, either. She knows how big she is. However, if she lost weight (she did once before), I’d be the first to tell her how great she looked. It’s completely unnecessary to mention how fat someone used to be.

YANBU. You could have put her on the spot and replied, "What's shitty about it?".

I have a colleague who is obsessed with what people weigh. She will say "Oh have you met Sandra yet? She looks great, she's lost about 3st!" or "I used to work with Toby at a previous company he was really skinny back then" with absolutely no reason to mention weight or appearance at all.

I'm fat, I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she's describing me to other people.

I'm 321lb with a bastard thyroid condition and PLEASE COMPLIMENT ME ON ANY WEIGHT LOSS. Even if it is in front of a handsome man. I wasn't t ashamed of losing 10 stones and people mentioning it.

Several posters have summed up exactly how I feel when people feel the need to comment on how 'huge' I was before,like I was absolutely hideous,but they didn't like to say. One 'friend' of mine has only known me since I've lost a substantial amount of weight,she never knew me at my heaviest. A couple of months ago,she said to me 'Have you got any photos of yourself when you were really overweight?'. I said no,that I'd tended to avoid having my photo taken (to be honest,I still do). 'Oh,that's a shame,I'd love to have seen how massive you were' she replied. Charmed,I'm sure. And I told her so.