How do I stop my mother being my next of kin?

[Ladyritacircumference]

I am estranged from my mother. I have adult daughters. If I was to die I don’t want my mother to inherit my stuff or have any say on any matters relating to me. This also goes for decisions should I need medical care. I have a long term partner, whom my mother despises. I don’t want to get married. I own property and he doesn’t. I want it to go to my kids. He is not their dad. He has his own pension/home etc. Is it as simple as making a will?

I own property plus the house that we live in. Partner only has his home.

Making a will solves most of these problems as you can specify where your property and money go.

Not sure about hospitals.

Absolutely make a will. That should deal with inheritance.

You might want to put in place a POA ahead of need for decisions on your finances and health, but to be honest, your mother wouldn’t ‘trump’ your daughters anyway.

Set up power of attorney for health and welfare.

I'm pretty sure your next of kin would be your kids anyway.

Make a will and have a lasting power of attorney drawn up.

I think PALS can help about the hospital. See a solicitor and draw up a will

Your adult dc are already your next of kin. If you die intestate then they will inherent not your mother, she would only inherent if you had no dc or husband

Thank you so much. I just worry that if I become ill, my mother might muscle in, tell my partner to fuck off and then make decisions about my care. I am not someone prone to catastrophising, but being middle age raises the odds of illness. My mother is so bloody minded she will live to 110 with all her faculties in tact…out of spite

Will for the property, yes.

You need Lasting Power of Attorney over health for the hospital side.

Get your daughters as the Attorney's and store a message in your phone under ICE - in case of emergency - to this effect.

Yes, sort out a will.

Legally your children will take precedence over your parents as next of kin.

A Guide to Next of Kin Rights and Responsibilities in the UK

Aren't your kids your next of kin anyway?

Thank you so much everyone. I am in the UK so will go see a solicitor asap

Making a will is step one. Step two is deciding who you would want making medical decisions if you weren't capable of making them for yourself, and drawing up a power of attorney. My parents have done this with my sister, and also given clear directions for when it activates and what should be done (e.g. dnr if function is compromised). They've also talked to all of us about this, so we know what their wishes are and won't blame DSis for making the call.

A will will resolve next of kin issues. Advise your local hospital when you next have an appointment that your named contact is your partner. Hospitals are not intetested in next of kin although it's a term they use. They just want to know who you want them to liaise with about your care and treatment

IANAL but yes. You need a Will and you're entitled to name your own NOK.

Set up a poa and give a copy to your gp and the solicitor and executor of your will. Appoint your partner and daughters as your poa attorneys. Research the Respect form and give a copy to all the above people. Contact your gp to see who is listed as your nok at the moment. Nok has no legal status and do not make decisions on your health.

In terms of medical decisions, you need a RESPECT form or whatever is similar in your area (ask your GP). You can document your own decisions then rather than have anyone make them for you. This is if you have strong feelings about invasive ventilation, ICU/HDU admission, tube feeding etc....It also documents your wishes about resuscitation. Just be sure to update it when/if your health and or decisions change.

Your mum isn't your next of kin. Your children are 🤷‍♀️

Obviously you can (and should!!) make a Will, but even if you died interstate tomorrow your children would inherit.

If you don't want to marry, could you have a civil partnership? Then your partner would be next of kind. Otherwise I would have POA drawn up and specify that you want your daughters or partner to make decisions about your care.

Make a will.
Everything would go to your DC anyway as you are single. Your DM wouldn't be entitled to anything. She isn't your next of kin. Your DC are.

If decisions had to be made about your care, it would be your DC who would be consulted as they are adults. Your mum would only be consulted if they were under 18. Doctors wouldn't consult your boyfriend about your care as he's not family.

Nok have no legal rights about medical decisions, they may be asked what your wishes were but they do not make decisions, refuse care, sign consents, poa overrides nok and medical decisions are made at the time.nok can be whoever a person has nominated, it's just a contact person in medical decisions. A person can also declare who is or is not to be informed about any health related issues.