To ask advice about son's first heartbreak?

[Discombobulate48]

14 YO DS has just experienced his first heartbreak, his girlfriend has ended it and asked if they can just be friends. He told her that's fine however he has been in tears with myself, I've spoken to him and reassured him that it will get easier, to remain friends and just focus on having fun because he is so young.

He keeps telling me that he's not okay and he keeps getting upset so I've told him to put a film on, grab some snacks and just relax as much as he can.

I know he is young and it comes with life experience but am I approaching it okay? I just keep telling him to focus on friends and having a laugh with them and eventually he will find someone compatible but he's so young and he should just enjoy his teenage years.

Aww, I'm dreading this, my 14yo has been in a relationship for a year and I know when it ends it will break her heart.
I think you're doing all you can. I remember my first heartbreak and just having my mum and my friends to relax with and take my mind off things really helped. Had an uncle who made a snide joke about me being upset. That was not helpful at all, its been over 20 years and I've still not forgot the feeling of that or the good feelings with those who supported me.

I agree with @JLou08. He needs time and to know that you are there for him and from personal experience, he probably doesn't want you to bring it up much.

Can you remember your first heartbreak @Discombobulate48? Maybe talk to him about that, while doing something like driving or washing up where there is little eye contact.

Ah, first love. It hurts. It's okay for him to be sad. Perhaps he just wants to be heard and have his hurt acknowledged?

Thank you all, I have told him that it's okay to be upset and his feelings are valid, I spoke briefly about my first heartbreak and have told him that I'm here if he needs to talk.

I had no emotional support at home when I was young, I grew up in an abusive household so I want to do right by him but I also don't want to smother him overcompensating for the lack of support I had.

You've all helped me loads thank you.

I think you’re doing great! Your son is bound to be resilient with a mum like you. Let him feel his feelings and talk about it, and then also encourage distraction and focusing on the positives as you are doing. He will be okay!

Good, he'll learn that girlfriends are pointless at that age anyway. Plenty time for that carry on when hes older.

Ah, we've got this going on with dd13 this weekend! It's so tricky.

We also have a ds16 so have a bit of experience.

I'm going with the following:

-it's ok to feel sad but not ok to wallow

-keep yourself busy but also be kind to yourself

-last night, we looked through lots of old family photos at dd's request as it reminded her of happy times

-it takes time. Your feelings are real but they will settle

-I'm keeping a very close eye, watching TV and films together

• discouraging social media

I must say I'm not looking forward to the inevitable ripples at school.

Sounds like you're doing brilliantly, OP. It's hard when they're hurting!

You sound like a lovely mum! I remember my first teenage heartbreak at 16.... my mum told me to stop crying or she would give me something to cry about 🙄

Ah you sound like a lovely supportive mumma. It’s so important to acknowledge his hurt, as you have done. It’s good that the girl wants to stay friends, it might make the transition easier for him. I honestly think you’re doing all the right things. It will pass for him in time and he’ll always appreciate your support.

My son and I have a ‘break up walk’ through lovely countryside.

Hes 21 now and has had 3 serious girlfriends since he was 14. Each time he’s split we have to do the walk and dissect what happened.

Im hoping he stays with his current gf because she’s fabulous, but they’re still so young, so may well have to get our wellies out again…