Is the Tupperware drawer a reason to call it a day?

[CrikeyMajikey]

Just that really. Twenty five years of picking up after DH and I’m on the verge of being done. This weekend he’s left the back doors unlocked for 2 nights, he’s last to bed and lets dog out for a wee but somehow it’s not his fault. He’s tidied the kitchen brilliantly including washing the DC water bottles, I open the Tupperware drawer and water bottles and take away containers literally just chucked in. Is the Tupperware drawer a metaphor or the final straw? How do you know when you’re done? Youngest DC is 2 years away from Uni and I’ve always thought I could hang on until then but I just want to cry. Crying is unlike me as I thought I’d become totally unemotional about it all. The kids are happy, he’s a great provider and dad, but parenting him for years has killed our relationship. Every morning he wakes up, throws the duvet back exposing me and so it begins. Why can’t he pull the duvet back over me? I honestly don’t think it’s a malicious or controlling thing, he just doesn’t see or understand what he’s done. No sex for years, I literally couldn’t do it with him.

I'm sorry,leave now,don't wait.

Definitely sounds like you're done. Time to put yourself first op.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Oh this is sad. It happened to me in my first marriage. This really resonated with me:

https://matthewfray.com/2016/01/14/she-divorced-me-because-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink/

My current husband can be a bit careless but honestly it just isn’t the same.

I'd leave. You don't want the kids feeling like you stayed unhappy just for them

I will say with my second husband I have been clear about things like this.

im vegetarian and he always put meat on top of my cheese in the fridge. Also the dog food.

I chose my moment after sorting the fridge and I actually said:

“please can you return all meat to this drawer. There is a space in the door for the dog food. It really upsets me as although the meat products are wrapped it makes me feel sick at the thought of cross contamination”

anyway it was calm and rational without any blame and it’s never happened since.

It sounds like you really don’t like him at all so I wouldn’t waste anymore time .

I think you have “turned the corner” and are ready to live without him. Hes annoying and careless and thoughtless. Do it now this way when dc gets to uni you will be divorced and settled in new home or this home without him You can enjoy visits to uni or if dc has difficulty adjusting you can be available to her because YOUR physical and emotional house is in order. ITS NEVER TOO SOON TO LEAVE AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE

Do you know what, throwing the off of me when I'm sleeping, to wake me up, would piss me the fuck off - that for me would be the last straw!

Me and dd co sleep and she does it to me but she's a child 😄 so I grumble and move on

Every morning he wakes up, throws the duvet back exposing me and so it begins

That is enough OP. He doesn't see you, he doesn't care about you, you do not exist in his thoughts. You do not matter to him. It's time to make a plan, you don't have to leave straight away or tell him/children but you need to start planning and dreaming. Look at your financials and find out your rights regarding a split. Go on rightmove to look at places to buy or rent within your budget. Keep tweaking your expectations and eventually you will have a clear and workable plan.

I think I would commit murder over the duvet thing

I've been there.

I lost my shit at DH about the state of the Tupperware drawer.

Next weekend he spent an hour categorising every item in there, disposed of every pot that had no lid and every lid that has no pot, and packed everything in neatly in a rational organisation layout, and has taken to being careful to observe the layout he created in subsequent dishwasher unstackings.

I'm keeping him for the time being

Thank you all for the replies. I’m feeling a lot better having read your replies. It is time to get my ducks in a row. Sad but needed.

Ime all dc need is a happy dm... They don't want you to sacrifice your own happiness and mh for them.

Ltb and don't look back..

That would be me one weekend, followed by chucking it all in the drawer the next weekend. .

Fortunately(?) DH is just as bad, so we don't tend to blame each other.