...to think my 38 year old Dh is big enough to be in charge of his own medication...

[Alderney]

Bit of background - we have had a very very difficult 3-4 years because my husband has been suffering from clinical depression, anxiety and paranoia.

It took me a very long time to persuade him to go to the doctors, we have had a few changes of tablets after months of something not working - he has already been discharged by 1 psychiatirst and we had to fight a lot to get him seen by another.

He is now under the care of another psychiatrist, and has a new cocktail of drugs and is actually doing very well.

He was in the USA on business last week, and he has been awful to live with since he has come back. I took the girls out all day on Saturday (literally all day, we left at 7am and get back at 7pm) so that he had as much of a chance to sleep off his jet lag as he could, and go to the football. He staggered back in from the football at 8pm, monosyllabic and critical of everything I said or did.

Yesterday all he could do was grunt and fiddle with his laptop and phone (I now have 2 dds with chickenpox, have a cold myself, and had them full time by myself last week while hewas away and would just love 10 mins to myself)...couldn't even speak to me 98% of the time.

Finally I dragged it out of him that he had had no medication for 8 days....too busy planning his trip to the USA to go to the drs, or even phone for a repeat prescription. Even if he phones today and even if they will give him his medication without seeing him (which to my mind they shouldn;t as these are strong drugs and can't just be doled out) it will be at least another 2 days before he can get any.

I've been told not to interfeed and "mother" him too much in the past, so I have left him to be responsible for his own drugs....but he is clearly not managing it.

Would I be right to phone his psychiatrist's secretary and at least let them know that he can't manage his own medication - we have no support at all as far as CPNs or anything goes and I'm wodnering if that might help us get some CPN support.

Why do they diagnose people as ill, and then don't put things in place to ensure they get better - they have continually been "unable" to take any heed of what I say because of confidentialty issues, however I lvie with him and have a far bettle handle on how his illness is than he does - 99$% of the time he thinks he is find, and its just everything esle thats conspiring against him and being awful and ridiculous...The first psychiatrist decided after seeing him for 45 minutes that he could discharge him but wouldn;t listen to me who lives with him all the time

[bonkerz]

I would ring the docs and make him an appointment.
My Dh is insulin dependant diabetic and absolutely rubbiosh at re ordering his meds etc. IM the one who sorts it out for him becasue otherwise we will be left with no insulin and chasing to the nearest A&E to get emergency insulin (happened a year ago!) I am also the one who makes DHs appointments with the diabetic nurse or he never goes and i make all the flu/blood test/ eye check appointments too.

[gagarin]

Because you are right - 38 years olds csn manage their medication and if he took none for 8 days that is his responsibility and his choice.

Psychiatrists will not "mother" their patients and if your dh is able to hold down a job that involves transatlantic travel & work he will not be seen as falling into the "so incapable they need to be monitored constantly" group of patients. I think you can ask your GP for CPN support if your consultant is hopeless.

Sadly the responsibility is well and truely with your dh - his choice, his decision.

But you need help & support - if no luck with a CPN who can you talk to to deal with your frustrations with your dh? Friends? Family?

Have you contacted SANE or a similar organisation for help for you? They may be able to suggest strategies for you.

Sorry not to be more help - hope things get better soon.

[zippitippitoes]

i agree with that if he can work in a high flying job he can decide whether to take medication it is his responsibility

maybe there are other issues worth investigating between you

[MrsTittleMouse]

Was this an "accidentally on purpose" thing? I only ask because I know people who have taken strong anti-depressants and had very difficult side effects. But if he just stopped taking them, then everyone would be annoyed, so he "forgot in the rush to organise the trip". No wonder he has been awful, by the way, you need to be gradually weaned of ADs, stopping them suddenly is a really bad idea.

I'm really sorry that you're going through this, by the way. It is awful dealing with someone who has depression (have seen other people dealing with depressed partners close up). Just because he's genuinely ill and probably can't help a lot of his behaviour, it doesn't make it any easier for you when you work so hard to try to ease things for him, and then he goes and screws things up.

[Oblomov]

I think you need to sit down with him and talk about his 'irresponsible behaviour', although probably best not to actually put it like that.
But that is what it is.
I am a diabetic and so is dh. So I know the pain of organising and repeats etc. But surely he can see the destruction that this is causing.
That is it and all about it really. And we both know that.
The 'mental health' side, is something I can not help with, I am afraid. I think you need more support. That is clear. I think a phonecalll to the secretary would help you alot.

[KITTENSOCKS]

People with depression can quite often function extremely well in their careers, it's the rest of their lives they find so difficult. My mother had a friend with exactly this; she held a responsible position as a ward sister, but at home she just fell apart, unable to make decisions, unwilling to do anything to her house which was a tip and in need of repairs, lack of interest in her appearance etc.

Agree with MrsTittleMouse that stopping meds so abruptly will result in much worse behaviour and can be dangerous. What needs to be discovered is why your DH stopped taking them. I don't buy the excuse that the repeat scrip was forgotten, and he needs to know that, while you love and will support him, he is in charge of his own medication. Also that you will not allow him to treat you and the children so badly because he won't take them.
Explain that you think he is great when taking the new meds, as he may not think they are making a difference, his perception of how people view him may be distorted by them.

Getting in touch with a mental health charity makes sense; you need as much support as your husband here.

[Elasticwoman]

I once went to my dh's gp to talk about dh, and gp was v sympathetic - but this was 25 years ago.

I would be inclined to ask for help from the secretary, from the doctor - any one concerned, and keep on at them. Bugger confidentiality, he's your other half.