How to stop caring so much about what other people think of me

[Woopdoggysycamosiy]

I've heard lots of people on here rave about being older and now not caring so much about other people's view of them. I'm still waiting for this to happen! I understand the theory of it and wholeheartedly agree with the truism that Peter people definitely do not think about you as much as you imagine. However, I'm embarrassed to admit I still want everyone to like me and I'm not sure how to shrug that off. Looking for replies from older ladies who used to feel this way and now don't - what happened? Or did you do something to help yourself.

I don't know what happened but I used to worry about people not liking me and now truly don't give a hoot. I just ignore anyone unfriendly, like they don't exist. I always get on well with a cousin of mine but it has always been up to me to suggest meeting. I now think if she wants to see me she can suggest something, but if not, I'm not desperate!
I have cut off another toxic "friend" who often made me feel insecure. My other cousins used me as a taxi service for my elderly aunt but now I say Sorry, no, I can't.
I'm 64 and this happened gradually but I now feel that my time is my own to spend as I like, not to worry about people who don't care about me anyway.

I was a terrible people pleaser until I was about 50. Then like PPs I started to care less . I think it stemmed from a chaotic childhood . Unhappy marriage ,partly because of bullying by sisters in law who were jealous and horrible. ( not just to me) But then in later years I was bullied by a manager at work but disguised as " concern" . I followed correct channels until it became unbearable . Other people commented but were afraid to help because they thought it would be turned on them. One day I suddenly felt that I didn't give a damn what anyone thought of me and I loudly and publicly challenged her. Publicly in that ,that is where she had bullied me .
Next day a colleague was very sarcastic and unkind to me in a meeting because she " felt sorry " for the manager. So I replied firmly that she herself had noted that I was being bullied and was now victim blaming. Honestly it was like a small timid animal had grown teeth and claws . I have never cared about peoples opinions since . I would never deliberately upset anyone but I deserve respect ( as we all do) and will never put other people before my own needs again . Most people only care about their own lives anyway.

I am 60. I came to a realization that everyone, including me, is boring and annoying sometimes, and I put up with it in them so they can put up with it in me - we're all just doing the best that we can. DH and I have retired to a place where there are plenty of groups I can join based around crafts, bell ringing, volunteering for the church, volunteering at the local nature reserve. Instead of being stuck at home all day on my own I am socializing with a lot of different people and am seeing that they aren't perfect, neither am I, and it's perfectly fine.

Interesting questions! Yes we were very close growing up and it may well be in her little world that she genuinely believes we're still close. However, being close with someone involves communicating every now and then and it just hardly ever happens. I don't believe I'm looking for an 'intense' relationship but you're probably right in that she is more happy with the status quo than me. It's at the point though that we really only talk about 3 times a year now so it's less assumed dislike than just assumed disinterest/indifference which still hurts. I'm trying to meet her where she's at, and be content with the little communication we have but it's hard as my common sense tells me that it's not enough to base a good relationship on.

I am 39 and worse than ever in my anxieties about what people think of me. But then in many peoples eyes I am the poster child of being a total loser in life.

I'm in my early 40s for those who asked.

People say this to me too 😬, because I don’t really care what people think and I say things as they are…no tip toeing around. I don’t have many female friends tbh because I find a lot of them are just people pleasers and they are often nice to peoples faces and awful behaving their backs.

I think a part of learning not to care what people think is about learning to enjoy your own company and enjoying doing things that don’t involve being nice to other people. I like going to the gym, swimming, walking…I can enjoy these on my own or with others (mainly on my own), I don’t need people to like me to enjoy myself. I have also learnt to say ‘no’ to people when they ask if I can do things.

100% same. I’m 44 and well into peri. Now on HRT that has been a wonder at dealing with the negative symptoms but somehow not touched the brilliant new self who doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks of her anymore. Miracle of miracles!

Oops was meant to quote @MatildaTheCat