“Emma” and I have been on-off friends for several years, but I think I’m finally at my wits ends with our friendship. Emma and I grew up across the road together, but she moved and we more or less forgot about each other given our young age. Fast forward, Emma’s stepdad rekindles us, and she ends up transferring to the Uni I’m at so we start making more of an effort to meet and it eventually got to the stage where we were basically living together.
I started to slowly realise Emma’s mental health wasn’t the best and she could be quite eccentric on nights out due to not being able to hold her drink. I tried to address this with Emma but she wasn’t able to comprehend what I was saying and failed to understand why something she did or said was wrong. For context, she slapped a guy across the face because he was singing (in public) and failed to see how what she did was wrong because he annoyed her. I told her that she could be arrested and that is considered assault but she didn’t care or seem to.
I decided to take a step back and during this Covid happened so we fell out slash drifted. Around a year later, Emma sends me a message on Instagram apologizing and explains she has been diagnosed with BPD and that was the reason for her behaviours. I empathised with her and our friendship rekindled but not as intense, I kept more to my other friends and met her now and again.
I ended up deciding to relocate and Emma and I naturally drifted due to the distance, and we were at that stage of our lives were maintaining friendships online wasn’t as easy as it was when we were Uni kids. Emma later moved country (a country I intended on moving to and have since). Due to the slight time difference and opposite work schedules, it was hard to regularly stay in touch and our contact fell to once a week or every other week.
Emma and I had no one but each other once I moved to this other country so naturally became close again. However, I wanted to make new friends and attended or organised events where I could and have since found the most amazing group of girls. However, Emma doesn’t like them, and doesn’t want to engage with us, which I respect but she blames it on her social anxiety. I tried to empathise with her but she is actively dating and using apps to meet new men and doesn’t suffer from social anxiety then.
Since moving across though I have realised Emma does some pretty crazy stuff. She bought a doll in a charity shop and told the man she was seeing it was their baby (both are white and the doll is black) and now carries the doll everywhere with her. She doesn’t invite me to watch sunset, but instead invites me to colon cleanses. Just to put into perspective she is only 23 (I am 26). She had a boyfriend two days after meeting (since broke up), and she cries about how she’s broke but apparently left $500 under a guy she was sleeping with a pillow because he couldn’t make rent. She makes plans then cancels plans, but spends 7 nights at a guy she just matched withs house. Friendships aren’t her priority is what I’m trying to get at.
However, I feel I’m too old now to be dealing with her carry on and I have been patience and empathic for years but I’m running out of it. My sister and partner have met her and agree she’s high maintenance but feel sorry for her. I don’t know what to do because if we stop or drift apart she won’t have anyone else besides me and the next guy she’s dating.