He’s still friends with a girl he met on Hinge

[GiddyRo]

Posting on behalf of a friend who knows I’m posting.
Friend has been dating a guy for about 6 months. Today he told her he was going for lunch with a friend. She knows of the friend but hadn’t really questioned until today.
Turns out this girl he met on hinge (dating app) a little before they met on the same app. They went on 4 dates and slept together 2 times but eventually decided they weren’t a good match and broke things off. He claims they kept texting about a shared sport interest and one night he messaged her asking if she wanted to meet up for a drink as friends. She agreed and since then they have been friends. They go for drinks/lunch/dinner, they went to Wimbledon together etc. They don’t have any other mutual friends. He claims that he has no interest in her beyond friends and they just get on well despite having different needs for a relationship.
Friend is now wondering if this is a red flag. The girl is extremely attractive which isn’t helping.

YABU - this is fine and normal
YANBU - ultimatum, he needs to decide whether that friendship is worth losing the relationship over

There’s a reason he’s kept her secret.

He’s going out for lunch one-to-one with an ex. I think that’s unusual. It would be different if they were going with their mutual friends from their sport, but just the two of them would bother me.

He didn’t really keep her a secret. Every time he’s gone out with her he’s said oh I’m going to do xxxx with xxxx. This is just the first time friend has asked how they know each other.

They never even played the sport together - just watched and messaged while watching matches.
I agree lunch/dinner feels intimate

I'd think that was someone who can see the value in women as people and friends, not just as sexual partners: even after she wasn't 'useful' to him as a sexual partner (forgive me for the wording, but some people do think this way) he still valued her enough as a person to be friends with her. I don't think it's like being friends with an actual ex, although to me there's nothing inherently wrong with that either - they realised the connection between them was more friendly than romantic and have built a friendship out of it?

Maybe I'm coming at it from a different angle because I have close friends who are exes/people I've slept with/briefly dated in the past, as does DH. I've no reason not to trust that he's chosen to be friends with them and vice versa: sometimes you think you fancy someone more/are more compatible romantically than is actually the case, but if you liked enough about them to go there in the first place then there's a chance there's enough to build a friendship on!

That’s definitely a more positive way to look at it. Maybe it’s not so weird after all.

I agree with a PP. I am friends with quite a few of my exes and I still regularly meet with a chap I met on Tinder during lockdown. We chatted online for the best part of two years and supported each other emotionally. When we eventually met, it became quite clear that romantically we were not going to work. But we remained good friends.
There are people out there who think men and women can't be friends. It's not my belief or experience. I am perfectly capable of having lunch with someone without ripping their clothes off.

Why did things break off, was it really mutual? If so and they both genuinely decided they didn't want a relationship with each other then I would be ok with this - clearly nothing more is going to happen if they've already been there and decided to drop it.

If she ended it and friend zoned him and he still wanted to sleep with her then I'd be less keen

What's wrong with staying in touch with someone who you happen to have slept with? It's not like they were in a serious relationship.

I'm still friends with someone I dated from Tinder 10 years ago. Realised we weren't compatible at all but got along so well. I went to his wedding!

I’m friends with a guy I was sleeping with, honestly he’s probably one of the only people I have been totally honest with and him with me as we aren’t connected through other people and never ever felt judged by them. I’d hate it if he wasn’t around for dinner, a chat and a walk or at the other end of the phone. Some people you click with and it’s not just about the sex.

As far she's probably concerned, they're friends. But my guess is that if she gave him the nod, he'd be in like a rat up a drainpipe. Cynical maybe but I just don't think men are capable of being just friends with women.