DP ignores my texts when he's out drinking - had enough

[terracottacountryfarm]

Long story short, DP turns into a situationist when he's drinking. He gets embarrassing drunk. Never answers his phone when I'm supposed to pick him up, or will delay the time and then expect me to pick him up at 3am - calling me at stupid hours waking me up. I'm exhausted by it. Haven't heard from him since 3pm (he went out to watch the football).

We've split up before over this. I've text him already that I'll pick him up at half 11, as we agreed he'd come home before 12, and we are having breakfast with his mum tomorrow morning.

Another note, he has decided to go out drinking on 23rd and 24th December this year and didn't inform me about 23rd, I already knew about the 24th as this is a yearly thing, but I was incredibly pissed off that I'll be spending not one, but now two days before Xmas at home on my own.

AIBU

So basically your Christmas is going to be ruined because he's going to be either absent or hungover. What is the bloody point of him?

Why do you ever pick him up if he going to bed and turning phone off

and do you not have a life separate to him why do you hear to be home alone 23 & 24

do something else

either way he sounds like and arse so I’d end it

Triggering my own memories! It’s the absence of communication, and knowing that tomorrow he’ll be useless, that used to drive me mad. Promising one thing then going private mode for hours …

Come on, @terracottacountryfarm where is your self-respect and your sense of self preservation........ Surely you can see that this isn't ever going to go anywhere.

I sincerely hope you don't have children with this inconsiderate waste of space.

There is one person responsible for this shituation, OP and one person alone.

It's you.

You have said that he has a habit of doing this

You've said that you've actually split up before over it.

This means that you have consciously decided to go back into this.

He will not change. Being surprised, frustrated and exasperated when he doesn't is a pointless waste of your life.

You may well be able to change, though.

This one's a dud.

I'm not really sure what the problem is with this? Why does he need to text you when he's out with his friends? It's eight hours! Get over it.

With the picking up...in future just don't do it. Tell him to get a taxi, turn your phone off and go to bed. It's really not an issue.

If this doesn't work for you, leave.

@NuffSaidSam I find it incredibly rude to not respond to my texts at all in 8 hours. He even has his read on, so I know he's ignored it on purpose. He is glued to his phone all the time even when out with friends. It's the principal. If it was the other way around, he would absolutely hate it

But why are you texting him at all?

He's out with his friends watching the football. He'll be in touch before 12am for a lift home. It seems quite clear. What did you need to text him about?

He has created this situation by previously changing plans and acting like a twat.
He will always be like this so just end it, imagine having kids with it and staying with it until you're in your 50s having to still fuck around like this and eventually he'll be wetting the bed or passing in the wardrobe or over you or your kids whilst they sleep.

Fuck him off op, let him waste someone else's time.

Another day, another woman clinging onto a useless man.

Just stop texting him when hes out drinking. He's ignoring your texts and in all probability laughing at them with his mates. I wouldnt be picking this waste of space up. Go out and enjoy yourself.

Yes I'm not sure what you're texting him about that needs an urgent reply, nor am I sure why he can't get a taxi back or walk. Sounds like a toxic dynamic in all directions.

If he can drink pints for 9 hours he can afford a cab.

The 23/24 thing would annoy me a bit. Can't you go out with your friends on 23rd too assuming no kids?

I agree with this and previous PP’s saying why are you bothering to text him?

My DH doesn’t go out regularly on the piss but when he does, I always ignore his protestations that he’ll be home by such and such. Because I know that he’ll be out, having fun with his friends and all thoughts of being good and coming home nice and early will go out of the window. So I just leave him to it, go to bed and pray that he doesn’t wake me when he gets home and that he sleeps in the spare bedroom.

What you could do if it upsets you so much that he doesn't answer your texts is to pretend that he's at work. Surely you dont text him at work ?

If you've agreed to collect him like a child from school then you must collect him, but in future find an excuse not to.

Tell him to get a taxi!

Why? Why? On top of that why be taxi service for this stumble bum?

There's a few things going on here.

Unless your texts were genuinely urgent, why bother texting him when he's out and you know he doesn't reply? He's with his friends, leave him be. If they are genuinely genuinely urgent, and he's ignored them once read, then that's a different issue - but your post doesn't suggest that is the case.

On the pick up, you are either happy to pick him up drunk at midnight or you aren't. If you aren't, don't offer to do it. If you are, don't complain about doing it. Offering to do it and then complaining about it is unfair and a pointless aggravation for both of you.

On Christmas, are you together on Christmas Day and does him going out on the 24th ruin it? If yes, discuss it. If no, and he's always done it, then let him crack on.

On the 23rd, have you voiced your disappointment and what was his reaction?

Assuming you don't have kids. If you are planning on them, then his regular drinking binges need to be addressed head on before you have them, as that's when it really becomes a problem. I wouldn't have children with a man who binge drinks regularly who doesn't show he can largely stop it before I was pregnant

Agree

He can either get a taxi/uber home or get a hotel nearby to wherever he's having a drink.