To be wound up over managers comment

[Mrslittleoverthinker]

Cut a story short I’ve been in my role around the same time as my other colleague. He is so desperate to climb the corporate ladder her puts himself forward for everything. I’m much more laid back plus I have 3 kids so I’m not as fussed to climb this “ladder”. My new manager made a comment to say I’m aware you aren’t where collegues name is in terms of development. This was during a handover from my current line manager to my new one. I’ve just returned from sick leave for stress and now this is playing in my head.

Feel like I have lost my confidence and now I’m wondering about what conversations have been had whilst I have been off work.

Am I being over sensitive? I’m planning to address this but would like some non biased opinions.

Hard for us to say, but sounds factual. What was the rest of the conversation?

How long have you been off sick?

I have been off for 2 weeks with just personal home life stress. My occupational health report states I have severe depression. I’m very vulnerable at the moment so the littlest things just play over in my head.

She manages my other colleague so she was basically saying that she’s aware I need more support as I am not where he is in my development.

Is she right?

It sounds factual. If he's focused on climbing the pole and you're not, of course he will be further ahead than you.

I dont think it's a bad thing, maybe it's just her addressing that maybe you can be offered more training if you wanted to be where he is.

Not being in a certain place in development isn't a bad thing though or an insult.
I'm a people manager. I need to put different amounts of work into supporting different people in my team at different times. 'Development' can mean career progression but it can also mean helping you perform to your best ability in your current role.

I just don’t feel that comment needed to be made. So am I overreacting? My hubby is so upset about it but it doesn’t help me speaking with him because he will always back me!

I think it all sounds very supportive.

don’t forget, these conversations would have been happening while you were off so now you are being included in them, accept the support and just ask for a time to have a catch up with your new manager.

don't stress over it

I dont think it's something to be upset about.

I think it is fairly poor form to compare team members in this way as a manager. (Unless say talking to a senior who is responsible for a juniors development as part of their role). Your manager should just be focusing on where you are versus where you should be.

@Mrslittleoverthinker I would just ask them to explain what they mean by that comment (not confrontationally) as it may just be a mis-understanding. They might even think your colleague is a brown-nose and so are trying to be diplomatic about him rather than saying you are further down?

Manager should never be comparing you to another colleague. So unprofessional, and unfair given your personal circumstances. Yeah i'd be livid. It stinks of discrimination.

I agree.

Not ideal to compare you and shouldn’t happen but without context you e can’t say if the comment was valid o not.

Also, of course managers talk about employee development and of course they are taking about you often. That is how management of a team works.

Overall you are overreacting. Move on. Small things like this aren’t worth going to battle over. Take it as a reflection about where they see you are in the team. The fact that your colleague is ambitious isn’t relevant to their performance and sounds petty. You work life situation isn’t relevant to your performance and shouldn’t be used as an excuse.

I agree you never need to mention a colleagues name in this manner. You manager should have been focussing on your return to work and how best to support you at this stage.

OP

Did you ask your manager to explain what they meant? I wouldn't take it too much to heart, from what you have said it sounds more supportive than not but as there is little context it's a hard one to call.

If you are concerned ask your manager for a chat about your development if it's making you worried. A good mananger will listen to you, clarify, and support you.

I didn’t fully process it until I came off the phone. I will say there are other things it isn’t just this. But this has been playing over in my head.

Your new manager was very unprofessional to openly compare colleagues. She should also be aware that, as you have been off with stress, this is a potentially damaging comment. Try not to ruminate and focus on your home life and working well. I'm glad DH is supportive.

Your manager wasn't being unprofessional at all, it was perfectly reasonably stated and factually correct.

If you aren't fussed about climbing the ladder and don't put yourself forward for things then why has this comment bothered you?

It's not a them problem, it's an observation. You need to reflect yourself on why it's bothered you and what if anything you want to change.

It's not ideal to compare team members to others. But it depends on the context e.g. if she needs to explain why you are being given different roles on a project.

It sounds more like minor thoughtlessness than nastiness, I think you're overreacting

Of course the managers have discussed everyone on the team at handover, they need that information in order to make sensible management decisions.

I think you're overthinking this. She shouldn't be comparing but it sounds like she was trying to be supportive.