To think this is a strange way to think ?

[InThePinkScarf]

Colleagues DD has just moved out with her partner. He pays the mortgage and most of the bills. She contributes only a very small amount financially as works part time out of choice.
Colleague was saying her DD was angry at the partner who she felt has spent more money then he should on a pair of jeans accusing him of splashing the cash about. Am I wrong in thinking she is extremely privileged as she wouldn't even be in a situation to leave the family home if it wasn't for him ?

Poor guy. Why do people let themselves be treated this way.

How much were the jeans?

It depends on whether their partnership is one where finances are shared or kept separate.

If they share finances, both partners have equal say on all expenditures no matter who is primary or even sole breadwinner.

If they do not share finances, then she doesn’t really have a say as to what he spends his money on so long as the agreed on bills are still covered.

I can't remember but they were not a silly price.

Depends how they view their money, surely?

DH and I have been together since we were teenagers and have pretty much always viewed our money as 'ours' aka person earning more pays more for combined outgoings and the other is free to judge them on frivolous purchases (it has kept us both in check many times over the years!). I was huffy with DH (then DP) for ages when he spent £1000 on a new computer when we were about 19. It was his money to do what he liked with but it was a bit "oh ffs that is such a waste of money" when we have joint savings goals. Of course it wasn't that way to him and I felt no control over his money but I was a dick to him about it. Also now, DH is the sole earner in our family at the moment and he gets grumpy with me when I spend too much money on coffees from our local cafe or something else he perceives to be a waste of money. I don't feel I have to stop because he doesn't like it (even though he's right... in part!) but I think it's fair enough for him to express how he feels about my spending.

I think if she was working full time I would get her point but she isn't which I feel changes things massively.

Doesn't really matter where she would be without him because she is with him and they agreed to live their lives in a way that works for them. Ultimately, this is all "she said, he said". We don't actually know what happened and neither does your friend. I often despair at my partner's spending habits, especially since the house is full of his clothes and he keeps buying more simply because he can't find anything. Which is wasteful, in my eyes irrespective of how much he contributes to the bills. He has a full right to spend his money however he wishes but I also reserve the right to stop the endless washing, hanging, folding and trying to find space to put his crap away. So yes, I am annoyed on her behalf if their setup is similar.

On the face of it, it's his money and as long as the bills are being paid, then she should wind her neck in.

But I suppose it depends on what they agreed at the time they decided to set up home.

Why? Your view mystifies me. If she were a housewife and did not work at all, would you feel as a kept woman she has no say on household money?

In my opinion, full time work is not a prerequisite to being an equal partner with shared finances.

I just think she is very privileged if she is in the position of being able to work part time and have her partner pay the mortgage and feel that she can't really complain if she isn't willing to work full time.
There are no kids involved and although they must exist, I don't know any young 32 year old housewives.

Just my opinion

I agree she is privileged, but that doesn’t make her lesser than her partner such that she needs to put up and shut up because she’s not working full time.

One’s value as a partner isn’t dependent on how many hours one works or how much money one makes.

You sound rather jealous

She should leave him and see how she gets on with her part time salary!!

It all sounds a rather precarious situation to be in to be honest so no.