My partners separate life

[Whatwouldyoudodo]

Together 20 years. 4 kids.

My partner tells me he's going to his friends baby shower. He hasn't invited me. In fact, he has never invited me to any events with his friends.

I used to just get on with it, now after 20 years I'm feeling angry.

I felt like I wasn't convenient as we had babies young, it suited my partner to have a woman at home and he would go about his social life without me. My social life dwindled (4 kids does that!) his social life stayed the same.

I have started to rebuild a bit of a life for myself and I'm happy. But this pisses me off. It constantly picks at the I'm not good enough/ not wanted wound.

AIBU

And I have made plans with a friend so I won't feel left, I will be able to enjoy a kid free day out and leave them to it.

I don’t understand why you would stay for 20 years and have 4 kids with a man who socialises without you.

You trapped him with 4 babies?

I think you just need to sit him down and really impress upon him how this makes you feel.
He can totally have some evenings with his friends, but you would love to get to know their partners, and attend the bigger events like baby showers.
Invite yourself along, be friendly and charming, and get to know them. It’s not too late.

You also need to develop your own social life and your own friendships, they are so important.

Your 5 year plan sounds very positive OP.

Never mind a 5 year plan...it needs to be a right now plan.
Please ask yourself just what exactly you get out of this relationship with a very selfish person.

But you will be living in the background of your DH’s life for the next 5 years unless you change it now.

This,

I felt bad for trapping him with our baby

Sounds like you’re the one who got trapped.
Do what PP said, build
your life and then see if he fits in it anymore. Willing to bet that he won’t.

What are you talking about🤣🤣

He's made you feel guilty for trapping him by getting pregnant? What, trapped four times over? The guy is an arse. Why would a man with a wife go to a 'baby shower' alone? Sorry that in itself sounds bizarre.
I don't like the sound of him at all.
Are you happy being with him?

OP, my ex used to do this. I also didn’t push things because he was younger that I am and I felt guilty that we had kids when he was so young.

Then once when I did get together with everyone, there was a woman there who he was clearly, clearly trying to impress. She wanted nothing to do with him, but still.

I might be old fashioned but since when have men gone to baby showers??

I'm not sure you actually are in a relationship

DH and I socialise without each other 95% of the time, it's only a problem if someone is not being treated fairly eg not getting a chance to go out.