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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When is it that you decide to “announce” your cancer

19 replies

Hookahchakkah · 15/11/2024 23:31

AIBU to think that everyone deals with things in different ways but if you start telling everyone and their dog every time you find a. Lump and it turns out that it was benign you might be making announcements for attention?

for context I’m not taking about anyone in particular and I don’t mean to sound flippant abut there’s a lot of it about and I feel like there a big difference between I have a lump oh it’s fine to people who are actually sharing because they have something to say

OP posts:
Mumblechum0 · 15/11/2024 23:38

I just told my boss because I needed to be off for a few weeks for surgery. DH was with me when I got the news.

didnt tell parents as they would have been down like a shot and couldn’t do with cleaning the house for them 😊

told a few friends as needed to get ppl to collect DS from school for a few days.

certainly didn’t do a big announcement, just needed to get through it without bloody handwringing from anyone else.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 15/11/2024 23:47

Everyone deals with things in their own way. For some finding a lump puts so much fear into them they might tell people to get reassurance that it’s most likely a fatty lump. Just be grateful not to be in that position really.

Original poster
Hookahchakkah · 15/11/2024 23:48

wxactly handwringing. I hope you’re doing well mumble x

OP posts:
Mumblechum0 · 15/11/2024 23:49

Ah thanks, it was many years ago now 😊

Precipice · 15/11/2024 23:58

if you start telling everyone and their dog every time you find a. Lump and it turns out that it was benign you might be making announcements for attention?

These people aren't announcing cancer. They're talking about their health. If they had an abnormal blood test result or their eyesight worsened, they'd be talking about that too. The reason is that unlike you, they think of health issues as topics for discussion. You might find that oversharing, but it doesn't make it announcements for attention.

RogueFemale · 16/11/2024 00:00

I almost never tell anyone about my health, and I would never announce possible or actual cancer.

Original poster
Hookahchakkah · 16/11/2024 00:02

Ooh I’m interested i what you’re saying here. I don’t feel like they do announce other things in the same way but prepared to see I’m wrong

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 16/11/2024 00:04

Yeah I get what you mean.

I’ve had a lump scare and it scared my DP so much. If there’s a next time I’m not telling him unless it turns out to be something. I didn’t tell anyone else and definitely made sure to keep it from my children.

WombTangClan · 16/11/2024 00:46

I didn't announce my actual cancer really. Told parent and siblings. Apart from that folk knew I was off for a hysterectomy.

weegiemum · 16/11/2024 00:52

I kept my breast cancer fairly low key, had a few friends on Facebook who knew but otherwise didn't spread it past our small church and close family.

I had surgery and radiotherapy. If it had been more than that I might have told more folk but there was no need. I did make it more public after I was better (had clear mammogram) but again on a need-to-know basis!

CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets · 16/11/2024 10:25

Mumblechum0 · 15/11/2024 23:38

I just told my boss because I needed to be off for a few weeks for surgery. DH was with me when I got the news.

didnt tell parents as they would have been down like a shot and couldn’t do with cleaning the house for them 😊

told a few friends as needed to get ppl to collect DS from school for a few days.

certainly didn’t do a big announcement, just needed to get through it without bloody handwringing from anyone else.

Just an FYI, anyone who cares enough about you to be "down like a shot" when you need them doesn't care if your house is clean. They will do it when they get there if it needs doing!

Cynic17 · 16/11/2024 10:28

Health is private. I really hope that I would talk about it as little as possible (eg an employer might need to know, but most other people would not).

SunnyValemin · 16/11/2024 10:28

I told my partner as he came with me to appointments, and work as I needed a lot of time off. Told my family when it was confirmed, and friends in the weeks after. Colleagues informed when I went off as I didn't want any gossip. The I posted on Facebook around the time I shaved my head, as I wanted to change my profile picture and didn't want a lot of questions. Wasn't an attention thing, more 'this is my life now'

Bubblesgun · 16/11/2024 10:53

I shared my breast cancer 10yrs ago on facebook. Very private settings only people i know in real life.
why? A few reasons.

i was refused an NHS mammogram by the GP because a) I was too worried b) I was way too young and c) “I cant feel anything so I wont refer you” against all NICE advises (she s been fired and reported by my practice).
so we went privately and I was grade 3 stage 1.

so i shared because I wantes to make love ones and my friends wouldnt take no for an answer and would go private to be screened, that they would remember that a mammogram can actually save your life.

then i shared because afterwards the responses I received and the support kept me up when I was down. And I was down a lot. The 24 weeks of chemo were hell.

so no attention seeking for me. Just awareness and support and love.

Weali · 16/11/2024 11:00

i told close friends quite early on because I was having issues with gp, “I think this might be a problem but can’t get him to take it seriously type thing” wasn’t announcing cancer then but just talking about health which we all do, our friend group does say things like getting a lump checked, not attention seeking just we’ve known each other since wee and we share and talk about a lot, then just confirmed like yes this is cancer starting treatment now.

Marmalady75 · 16/11/2024 11:00

Some people love the drama. Some people see it as a way to get support. Some people want a quiet life and just deal with it without a fuss.
I didn’t make a big deal of it because I had close family support and couldn’t be bothered with other people making a drama out of it. I work with someone that announces every detail of her medical issues even to visitors to our workplace that she has never met before and probably won’t ever see again.

EweCee · 16/11/2024 11:07

Didn't announce it at all when I had it, apart from family. Nothing on social media or anything publicly. People found out through word of mouth I guess and it was really hard to deal with their emotions about my cancer. However, once my cancer journey was over a few years down the line I was an advocate for awareness (speaker at medical conferences to medics etc) and talk openly about the reality of dealing with cancer if the topic comes up at work or socially.

5128gap · 16/11/2024 11:09

What if you tell everyone and their dog at the first sign of a lump, and it turns out not benign, but stage 4 and terminal? Would you think they were attention seeking then?

NCadmission · 16/11/2024 11:15

I told my parents and boss that I was on the 2 week pathway - DH obviously knew from day 1.
Told my children when I had a surgery date and told my friends via facebook, after the surgery. My FB post was about getting checked out if you had a certain symptom. I wasn’t looking for sympathy. I had endometrial cancer and only had a bit of post menopausal bleeding.

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