To be upset by what sister said?

[ChicRaven]

Please be kind here.
My 15 nearly 16 year old cat is my life. He has arthritis (Under a treatment plan) and mainly sleeps a lot. He eats well, can walk around easily and run when needed. Likes affection from humans too.
My sister sat with him this evening as my work finished later so she went to feed him. When I got home she said 'Shadow is really unwell isn't he? He was grooming non stop and asleep the rest of the time. He was also purring a lot which means he is in pain. I think you are going to have to prepare yourself as it isn't looking good.'

He does groom a lot but he has arthritis and has always been an anxious cat, more so now as new cats have moved into the neighbourhood. He has always groomed a lot and had constant hairball issues with him.

I am not in denial over his age but was hoping to get a few more years with him. 😞

Are you upset that your sister said it or are you upset that you think she may be right?

It's so worrying when they're old. Don't want to see them in pain but don't want to lose them .

I wouldn’t worry if he’s eating, drinking, doesn’t seem in pain then you’re ok. He is 16 and someday you’re going to have to make the decision but that day isn’t today x

If he's feeding and grooming and walking around OK doesn't sound like 'his time' but they can deteriorate really quickly so whilst he might be fine at the moment it's not unreasonable to expect that he might deteriorate...it's not a today problem. I suspect she remembers a time when he was young and lively and so perhaps the transition seems more dramatic to her.

I don't know why she would want to upset you, he may be OK for a good few years yet. One of mine got to twenty even though they had a few problems.

I do worry about his excessive grooming but he has as I've said before, always had a hairball issue. He has always been an anxious soul also.
If his quality of life was impacted such as he wasn't eating, couldn't move at all without limping etc then I could understand. He still goes over to my neighbours house and ventures outside too which I don't think he would do if he was deeply in pain. Apparently he gets up on their table and stares into their kitchen window.

It's just unsettled me. I know he is an old cat but was hoping he had a few years left in him. Now I feel all out of sorts.

She was a bit insensitive, you wouldn’t say that about a human or would you?
“oh grans grooming a lot you’d better prepare yourself for the worse”
A bit tactless.

You know your cat better than she does.

One of my cats lived until 21, you may well have a good few years yet!

A vet told me that some animals will eat until the end- whether they are in pain or not.

Cats also purr when they're happy so why is she assuming it's because of pain? Is it because of the excessive grooming?

Your vet will be better equipped to advise you but I think your sister was just trying to be kind and worrying about the cat

Your sister isn’t trying to be horrible and I think she is right to try to get you to prepare yourself. It’s hard to see the truth when you see the wee thing you love every day

my cat who I loved hugely was ill the last couple of years of her life.

i made the decision to have her put to sleep when treatment started to conflict with each other and I couldn’t get a fair to her balance.
she was still affectionate and still eating and seemed ok in herself and enjoyed her cuddling with me etc but with the fact that I was about to get into a situation where I couldn’t properly treat as the medication would conflict meant she was about to go down hill and I couldn’t let that happen to her.

I took a photo of her on the morning I was taking her to be put to sleep and when I look at it now it is startling how ill she looked when at the time I thought I had made the decision early to avoid her suffering

but with hindsight seeing that picture tells me that while I wasn’t cruel and didn’t let her suffer on and on. Living with her and seeing her everyday had made it hard to see the reality of how ill she was. I think if I was really honest I know I didn’t do anything wrong but I also think it might have been kinder to make the decision even 1 month earlier.

of course I don’t know your cat so I am not making an opinion on if it is time or not, I am just sharing my experience.

Excessive grooming can mean pain. That part would worry me.

I'm not sure why she thinks purring equates to pain! With my 2 it would be the opposite. But I agree the excessive grooming would indicate pain. It sounds like she was trying to be kind and maybe worries that you aren't ready to accept that the end might be near.

Are you sure he has as good a quality of life as you think?

In the kindest way, it sounds from your post like you are keeping him alive for you rather than for him.

She certainly told you her opinion didn't she ? Tbh it sounds like it came from a good place, she must be concerned for the cat.
Sometimes if you see your pet every day, it's harder to see it or notice/ accept their decline. If your dcat looked less mobile and well since she last saw him then I'd only hope she was telling the truth about her observation. Rather then being hurtful.
You know your cat better than anyone else, and I'm sure you'll know when it's right to say goodbye. But I wouldn't take her remarks too harshly. I can see you love him dearly and want him to live without suffering. X

Our 18 year old has had arthritis since he was 7 (treated the whole time since diagnosis), he grooms, eats normally (but very fussy), grooms, goes upstairs, goes outside, snores (loudly) and purrs when he's content. We have no reason to believe that he won't live to see 20 or older (previous cat lived to be 24.5!) He has to have an annual check with the vet and they have confirmed that the treatment is controlling his symptoms and he's in good shape.

You say he's anxious which manifests in overgrooming - has your vet made any suggestions? Feliway works well for many cats.

Maybe she’s right. He’s an old cat.

Your sister was insensitive. You're not stupid, you are aware that your furbaby is elderly and has a few issues. As long as he's eating, drinking, going to the loo and can move around pain free, then there's no reason why he can't go on for a few more years yet. I'm sure you make sure he has regular check-ups at the Vets, and as long as they are happy with him, and he seems OK, that's all that matters. Our dearly departed Yoda, went on until she was 20, before passing over the rainbow bridge with cancer. Please try not to take to heart your sister's comments. You know your cat, she doesn't.

Prepare yourself for the worst? So she thinks you should start feeling bad and start worrying in advance. ?
People who encourage this attitude are such joy-thieves/Debby downers. Enjoy each day you have with your beloved cat OP, and count your blessings!

I am definitely not in denial about his age. About a year or so ago, I made a pledge to enjoy every single moment with him because I know he is getting older. It's hard to take but I am under no illusions that he is still young and sprightly.
My sister is one of those people who when she is upset about something or worried, she will say something to make someone else worry or upset. She's done it all her life. She doesn't like cats and rarely spends any time with my boy. I just want to enjoy my time with him without it being all doom and gloom.

I actually think that people outside looking in, often have a better idea of how a pet is doing.

My aunt had a very old Yorkie, who she kept going for way too long. We were all really concerned. But because she lived with him, she didn't really notice the deterioration, because it was gradual. For us, the changes were more obvious as we'd only see him once a month or so. The poor dog had a really poor quality of life, but she couldn't see it.

So you'd think that I'd have learned from that. But in hindsight I did exactly the same with my very elderly cat, years later. I look at photos from his last year, and I'm horrified that I didn't see how gaunt he was. Again, he didn't really show pain in any obvious way, but I should have seen that he was pretty skeletal and weak, and so couldn't have been a happy cat.

@Ihatelittlefriendsusan :

Increase in purring – Don’t mistake a purr as a sign of contentment in a cat that is showing any of the previously listed signs of pain. Interestingly enough, cats may purr more when they are a pain. Research suggests that the low frequency of a cat purr actually helps cats to heal or to more successfully deal with pain.

https://animalcarevets.com/how-can-i-tell-if-my-pet-is-in-pain/

Agree, @saraclara.

Purring can be a sign of pain. If you’re concerned then get a review of meds. Cats with arthritis may not limp. We ended up with our old girl on tramadol. She also liked the heated pad we got for her to sleep on.

Sometimes someone outside the immediate family sees a situation differently. We had a rescue cat so we didn't know his age exactly. He started to go downhill, fur became scratty, he was just old and not very well. We had taken him to the vet frequently so nothing medically wrong, just age.

I thought he was ok but had to be away for a few days for work, a very well meaning friend saw the cat and rang me up while I was away to say she was worried about him because he looked so woebegone and wobbly.

I've just written something very similar-should have read your post first.

Maybe get a vet appointmen? get an updated professional opinion on how the cat is doing. they may be able to give different pain relief or may advise if the cat is suffering.

saying goodbye to my 1st dog was the hardest ever decision - I didn’t want to let him go as I loved him so much - but I didn’t want him to suffer and had to have him pts when he was old as he was in pain. Part of loving pets is making the hard calls to prevent suffering.

speak to your vet and get some good advice.