I did it! Finally. So why do I feel bad?

[Unknown1111]

I finally plucked up the confidence to end my second marriage at the 4 year mark ( 2 weeks short).
The drink, lack of communication, disrespect and inconsistency, sexist views towards me and objectifying me and selfishness just finally got too much when he told me 2 weeks ago that his life was perfect except me - I was the only issue in his life when I gave him an ultimatum about his drink. He gaslights me anytime I point a finger at him and I don't find him attractive anymore.

My youngest (his daughter) doesn't have a clue but my eldest two (not his) are feeling sad and I know they will miss him as we don't have a lot of family.

i applied for CM, ended my gym membership (as
i can't attend) enquired about Nurserys from Jan, cancelled our upcoming anniversary spa break and cancelled his subscriptions on sky to save money. He is leaving on Sunday. so why do I suddenly feel sad? Will I regret this?

You’re making a big change. It’s understandable you’ll mourn the end of one era and feel hesitant stepping into the next one.

That doesn’t mean you aren’t making the right decision though. Try to list out all the things you are looking forward to and all the ways you’ll gain from your new situation.

You're amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Change is scary. Divorce is hard work. But in a few weeks/months you will look back and wish you had done it sooner. Just because it is hard doesn’t make your decision wrong. Your STBXH sounds vile.

Change is so hard, you are very brave. You will definitely come out on top and sounds like you are making the best decision for you all.

Well done on your bravery.
Of course there will be regrets that it didn't work, but ultimately you are doing the right thing for all your children.

I ended my marriage in my head in an instant but due to circumstances it was months before he left. I had to wait to say the words. It's been fucking awful but one of the best things I've ever done.

You'll be fine.

You mourn what you thought you were going to have. That's gone now, so you are grieving for the loss of those hopes and dreams. It's OK, you will have new hopes and dreams, you can be in control of them this time around. Give yourself time to heal.

The drink, lack of communication, disrespect and inconsistency, sexist views towards me and objectifying me and selfishness.

No your not!

You might regret having to go through the complicated process of change.
I doubt you will regret being free of him

Well done. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Will I regret this?

No.

My friend ended her 16 year marriage after years of unhappiness with her cold unloving husband. When her divorce was finalised she was distraught and cried buckets. It wasn't because she regretted leaving or wanted to get back with him - she was just very sad that her marriage had not worked and felt guilty and sad for her children. She effectively had to grieve the end of her marriage, having gone into it full of love and expecting it to last a lifetime. She has a new partner now and he's lovely and she's very happy. You will be ok OP. It's ok to feel sad that it didn't work out. Big hugs to you for being so brave 💐

Came to say this

Work on yourself getting into peak physical and mental shape . The rest will just follow. I wish you well x

You're sad because you had to end it. The person you thought you married doesn't exist.

You are being brave and taking those first steps towards a happier life and a happier you. His misogyny and his drinking and objectification of you make him someone that you don't want to waste any more time on and definitely not someone you want to grow old with. It's OK to feel sad that your marriage hasn't worked in the long run but just think of all the years of living in an unhappy marriage that you are saving yourself from. It's OK to give yourself time to explore those feelings of sadness and then give yourself permission to let go and to move on to a better future.

Sadness is normal but no you won’t regret it.